WWYD Incident with son at school.

[wwydhelp]

Name changed.

DS13 came home from school yesterday upset. He has got himself into a state. As he has always been a model pupil who has never been in trouble before.

Apparently since ds has gone back to school in September there is a girl in most of his classes who has been name calling and being a real pain to him. The first I heard about it was yesterday as he did not want to mention it as it was a girl and he was slightly embarrassed and thought he could handle it himself. He was ignoring the girl but the girl just kept upping the abuse, he told her to grow up and she turned and said to him "what me grow up, your the one molesting your sister, and I will make sure everyone knows", :( DS snapped got up and confronted her and asked what she said, she repeated it and my son grabbed her on the arm and told her to shut up.

I am disappointed that he never mentioned this before as we probably could of nipped it in the bud by talking to his tutor. He said up until that comment he was able to just ignore her as she was annoying and had done it to other people.

We have spoken to him and expressed our disappointment that he laid a hand on the girl, he said it was not right but when he mentioned his 4 yr old sister he snapped.

Another reason he said he did not tell me was I was already worrying because my granddad is in hospital.

He was taken to the head (over grabbing the girl) who apparently took a statement and it was left that he will be told on Monday what his punishment will be. The thing that concerns him is that the girls mum is a teaching assistant at the school, and the girl will get away with it and him punished.

What further concerns me is that if my DS did not come home and told me I would know nothing of this situation. I would of at least expected a phone call from the school.

Just wandering what you wise mumsnetters would do in this situation, and any advice would be appreciated.

TIA

What did she mean, he was molesting his sister?

Your poor son. What a difficult situation. I think all you can do is advise your son to accept any punishment but ask for a chance to explain what has been happening. Hopefully there will be plenty of other staff - not related to this girl - who can monitor the situation. Maybe also get your son to keep a diary of any incidents if they continue so that you have something to take to the head if you need further support with this.

I would be going into school on Monday and seeing the head.

What this girl has said is disgusting and I am surprised you are not more angry and upset about her allegations to be honest.

Have him write down everything she has said to him up until now and make sure he gets the time to explain why he reacted the way he did.

She can not be allowed to say something so serious and not be punished for it.

I think because of the seriousness of the accusation I would be in school Monday morning asking to speak to head

Agreed.

your poor son.

if it was me... id be having a meeting with the school monday, about what this girl has said to him. this sort of thing can stay with him, not to mention vile vile vile.

I don't think you should treat the girl's comments as a serious accusation. It just sounds to me like a nasty, spiteful girl saying the first thing that came into her head.

What a beastly vile thing for her to say!

You need to ensure that he has an opportunity to say what happened and what was said. With a bit of luck she'll trip herself up and get caught soon.

I would have a meeting with the head(don't be fobbed off)

I expect she feels safe bulling because her mum is staff, (our deputy head son is quite the nastiest child I have ever come across, he making a lot of children's lives hell) i have no idea why she hasn't moved him, as he caused so much trouble.

Assure your son you can put a stop this horrid behaviour, but he must keep you fully informed at all times, how ever small the incident, and if he ever feels he might react to leave the space and go to which ever teacher support you arrange with the head.

It's nothing to do about girl boy either can be vile.

This child has said she is going to start rumours about him being a pedophile, that is serious, I would make the head take it seriously and stop this child in her tracks.

Don't leave the meeting until you have an agreement as to what will happen next, and what will happen after that if there are any more problems.

Yanbu to be worried but if your son is as good a student as you say the school may well go easy on him. It should be fairly obvious to them that he was seriously provoked. I suggest he states his case and then takes whatever punishment is given.

Yep, as everyone else has said. I'd be there first thing on Monday morning to speak to the head.

I agree with moldingsunbeams and MissStrawberry
I would definitely be going to the school on Monday to sort this mess out.
She can not be allowed to get away with that sort of behaviour.

Go straight into the school and make see she is punished for her vile remark.

What a nasty little pschyo bitch, his reaction was perfectly natural and he isn't the one who should be punished. Demand to know what is going to happen to this evil little witch.

Mud sticks. Rumours get out of hand. No smoke without fire comments following him around.

No way. Get the fuck into school and sort this out.

I'd def go to the head about this. Obviously name calling etc hurts but calling him a child molester is beyond the pale. Even at 13 stuff like this can stick. I'm sure we all remember the smelly kid or the kid that threw up in class. It needs nipping in the bud.

I'd expect her punishment to be at least as severe as his. If not I'd take it to the board of governors. I'm a live and let live, let's not take everything so seriously type person but this needs action.

Missstrawberry, I am livid. DS has said he wants me to wait and see what happens Monday as the reason the head did not punish then and there is that she will be speaking to other people (teachers and friends)

My instinct is to go up there Monday morning, but DS wants me to wait and see what happens, and that if there is an injustice DH & I can go up. He said his tutor is backing him up 100% as knows him and what a good character is he. He told ds to leave it with him and he will deal with it for him. (sorry thought I had put this in the opening post)

Imperial it was just a lie the girl came up with.

Thanks for your comments, my initial thought seems the right one then.

I would go. Quite often I would not go in to school because my child said they didn't want me too but a much wiser friend said to me sometimes you need to do and I did. She was right. This is a time when you need to go with what you think is best and not your son. Much too serious to wait and see. It also shows the school that they can't let something like this go.

I would be in there Monday morning, this girl needs to learn there are consequences in the real world about making accusations like this about people. If she said it in public then she needs to make her apology in public.

I don't know why the school is making a big deal about what sounds like a fairly minor physical incident, which I would expect to have been handled on the spot so perhaps they already know that there is more than meets the eye here.

My ds last year had some sort of sanction for apparently stabbing someone with a pencil who had made a anti-gay slur about another friend, and I thought the school handled both aspects of the incident very well with a bit of mediation and I think they both had detention (no one was actually hurt I should add, just a silly incident with bad behaviour all round).

I'm generally happy for school to manage this type of issue, but in this case I think I'd aim to be at school to support my son too.

I would be in there Monday morning, this girl needs to learn there are consequences in the real world about making accusations like this about people. If she said it in public then she needs to make her apology in public

Exactly. Slander is a criminal offence.

OP I know what your son wants you to do, but you are the responsible adult here. You really do need to go and see the head, regardless of what your ds wants. His needs are paramount, and as the adult, you are the one protecting him.