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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable for a schoolTo insist boys have short hair but not girls?

83 replies

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 19:38

Don't want to hijack the other hair threat so started this.

What makes it acceptable for some schools to have uniform rules stating boys hair should be a set length ( collar seeming to be the most popular) when girls can have it whatever length they like?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 11:03

Well said BionicEmu

OP posts:
ebwy · 05/10/2013 11:19

Honestly, does anyone really care about hair length to that extent? My concerns with teachers, doctors etc are "how good are they at their job?" not "is their hair long or short?"

Bumpotato · 05/10/2013 11:27

They have that rule at my kids' school. Boys must keep their hair shorter than collar length.

I have daughters so it doesn't bother me one way or another. Boys up to primary six wear shorts year round too. Some of the mums of boys complain but they are allowed to wear track suit bottoms or ski type trousers over the top to travel to/from school. I reckon they knew the rules before they sent their kids there. By all means challenge the rules at liaison meetings but don't bend my ear about it I have girls I couldn't give a fuck but you knew the rules.

FredFredGeorge · 05/10/2013 11:29

It's depressing how much uniform policy seems to have regressed, I'm middle aged, but my school's uniform was plain trousers / skirt (and there was at least one boy who regularly wore a skirt) and a school jumper, and no rules about hair length - there was one about jewellery.

MrsHoratioNelson Any chance you could name your practice, be good to know which ones are discriminatory in their hiring practices (given that there's plenty of evidence that discriminatory organisations get the least talented)

babybythesea · 05/10/2013 11:31

"But them's the breaks - you want a well paid professional job? Fit in with everyone else." MrsHoratio

That's where everyone I know has been going wrong then! I work with people with PhD's and Masters, and while definitely professional, we're not well-paid. I thought it was because we all worked for a charity but no, it seems it's because some of the blokes have long hair. I shall let them know.
Can I also say there's a difference between 'badly-groomed' and 'long-hair', whether you are male or female?

Hulababy · 05/10/2013 11:37

I have never known a school with these rules personally.
I think that regardless of gender, longer hair should always be tied up for school though.

5madthings · 05/10/2013 11:37

Yanbu its shit.

Thankfully my boys schools dont have this rule and if they did I would challenge it.

Ds1(14) has very long hair, he just has to tie it back when necessary, its a non issue.

GoshAnneGorilla · 05/10/2013 11:43

Birds - Liverpool likes to think it's "very multicultural and diverse", but in reality it's not hugely accepting of such diversity.

I would just add, I live un an area with a large Sikh population, adult men who've grown their hair tend to have it in a turban, so their hair isn't on view at all.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 05/10/2013 12:15

If ever I found myself in court I'd be more concerned with how well my solicitor/barrister could do their job than what their hair looked like.

sashh · 05/10/2013 12:15

Miffybun73, I agree with you. How many politicians, lawyers, accountants, doctors etc. have ponytails? They don't!

Many females do. You do know women are allowed to be professionals now don't you?

And have you ever been in a crown court? Wigs everywhere

Hulababy · 05/10/2013 12:36

Actually ime the number of male professionals with long hair is very limited, and most of those with long hair for cultural/religious reasons, tend to have their hair not on view at all.

I have no issue with long hair on men. It can look nice on the right man, though I do tend to prefer shorter hair on men myself. Though I love the look of longer hair on boys/male teens, well so long as it is well kept, brushed, etc.

BurberryQ · 05/10/2013 12:38

because schools are not meant to educate, but to teach children and their parents to conform or suffer the consequences.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2013 19:08

Haha, BurberryQ DS2's teacher repeatedly said "He needs to learn to conform!" She also said "He'll never be employed by anyone." I refrained from pointing out DH and I were both self employed and doing quite nicely for ourselves, thank you. (Even though we are both conformists Grin.)

zatyaballerina · 05/10/2013 19:14

yanbu, some children have beautiful hair and it should never be chopped off, the same rules should apply for all.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2013 19:20

I have a friend who was expelled from one school for refusing to shave off his beard.

maddymoo25 · 05/10/2013 19:37

my ds 4 has long hair, it goes past his shoulder and probably down to midway between the shoulder and elbow. if the school told me he had to cut it I would change schools lol ! his hair is amazing , I do put it up for school etc though x
( lovely light blonde ringlets ) I refuse refuse to cut it off !!

foreverondiet · 05/10/2013 19:44

Unreasonable but if girls gave to tie back long hair boys should too

MrsHoratioNelson · 05/10/2013 20:00

OP now who's being judgmental and a snob?! Grin. I don't recall saying that my firm would judge someone's ability as a lawyer based on their long hair or short skirt. We would question their judgement in choosing which law firm to apply to - there are plenty of firms doing criminal or media law where long hair on men might be more acceptable.

Feminine · 05/10/2013 20:02

My DH has very long hair, one of my boys does also. They have very wavy hair -it looks groomed and taken care of.

the problem arises when parents of boys don't groom it, or get it tied back when needed.

Most (girl) parents tie it back naturally or style it.

You can see why schools have to have this rule in place sometimes

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 20:05

MrsHoration. You are with your comment that you need to fit in to get a well paid professional job.

OP posts:
Feminine · 05/10/2013 20:05

Just remembered. My MIL hated/hates long hair with a passion, even on females...anyway she used to shave DH's head ...for years.

he was about 16 before he realized he had curls!

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 20:08

Sorry. Pressed post too soon. You would question their judgement because they dare to apply for a job that they may be the best applicant for but they don't fit in with your preconceived ideas.

Epic fail on the equality front lol

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2013 21:03

Maybe MrsHN's firm has found! through experience, that long hair on a man tends to go together with character traits that don't fit in with their firm's ethos. If she and the other partners in the firm know that their clients aren't going to be happy with a long haired male lawyer, then I can understand why they wouldn't hire one.

Tbh, ds1 is just starting his second year of Law, and he is very aware of the need to present himself in a way that fits in with the firms he is visiting, and that they same will apply when he is looking for jobs.

It is an old fashioned view, but if that is the view your firm and clients hold, then you are going to hire lawyers who 'fit'. In fact, surely every firm tries to hire employees who 'fit' - and maybe some very good lawyers are rejected by some firms for not being 'hip' enough.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 05/10/2013 21:26

Bumpotato DSs school is the same, we knew that when we joined so we cannot complain. I actually like the strict uniform/appearance rules. The senior school children look really smart and there are no issues around designer stuff or mega short skirts, they have length rules and so on. The school is very traditional/old fashioned but I actually love it.

I work in a professional job and there is an expectation around appearance, I find it is just one of things that is expected in those sorts of jobs, rightly or wrongly. I know I cannot have tattoos on show etc and would never get a facial piercing unless I could take it out. There would never be discrimination around religion and so on but I have never seen a man with long hair for religious reasons at work with it not tied back.

It wouldn't bother me if I could see someone had facial piercings and had removed them but it has actually caused an issue amongst some of the parents at DSs school as DS2s teacher clearly had some lip piercings but has removed them (again generally expected for teachers) but she is a fab teacher, and has removed them, so I cannot see the problem.