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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this work colleague is wrong

103 replies

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 10:10

It's dress down Friday today and one of the guys in the office is wearing a South Park T shirt with a picture of Timmy ( the character in the wheelchair ) and the comment "I'm special" on it.

I thought the use of the word special was frowned upon these days, pointing out the differences disabled people have rather than being inclusive.

What's more, the person concerned needs to use a wheel chair for much more than a short walk.....

OP posts:
TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 04/10/2013 15:10

Yes, he was laughing at himself and the man in the OP is mocking ableism. I run a social group for people with disabilities twice a week and laughing about our conditions is great fun.

However, much "dark comedy", including South Park, is people who are not laughing at themselves, they are laughing at and putting up for mocking those who are more vulnerable - not themselves or systems of oppression. Many people do not find that funny. There is a difference. I can take the piss out of me, other people doing it is a very different experience.

valiumredhead · 04/10/2013 15:11

I can take the piss out of me, other people doing it is a very different experience

YY

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 15:11

Spot on theSpork

Monty27 · 04/10/2013 15:14

Sounds like he has a sense of humour to me. Perhaps the t-shirt is tongue in cheek?

OhDearNigel · 04/10/2013 15:18

WTAF ????

So, let me get this straight. A person in a wheelchair at your workplace has chosen to wear a T shirt poking fun at his disability for Dress Down Friday.

You, as an able bodied, non-disabled person, have chosen to be offended either (and I can't quite grasp which) because you are taking offence on behalf of an undetermined 3rd party or because you would not be allowed to wear that T shirt.

Words cannot describe how U you are being.

OhDearNigel · 04/10/2013 15:19

Anyway, Tee shirt isn't appropriate for work imo wether he's a wheel chair user or not

She said it was dress down friday.

MoominMammasHandbag · 04/10/2013 15:19

hemlet I just spat all over my keyboard laughing.

Many Mumsnetters seem to have issues with disabled people reclaiming words or being anything other than noble, selfless souls.

As a couple of people up thread have pointed out, a lot of disabled people's humour is pretty dark. Tough luck if you don't like it.

valiumredhead · 04/10/2013 15:20

Even if it's dress down Friday I don't think it's appropriate for all the reasons I already mentioned.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 15:34

Where are the "many" mumsnetters who have a problem with disabled people reclaiming words.

I cant see them

MoominMammasHandbag · 04/10/2013 15:42

The two or three on this thread, and on these threads generally. I recall one about that "I'm Spazticus" programme that got a bit heated.

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 16:00

It seems quite simple from the posts on here. If he calls himself special he is being ironic, having a dark sense of humour, and is fine. If I call him special I would be in the wrong and would need correcting.

I love the way I am being seen as being offended. As I said earlier, he and I laughed about it as we both like south park and family guy.

He takes the piss out of people with far worse disabilities than him - is that still being ironic or downright abusive?

Humour is basically a laugh at someone's expense. Is it therefore isn't all humour potentially going to offend someone.

Spork. I have no issues with him at all. We are good mates and have a similar sense of humour.

OP posts:
WestieMamma · 04/10/2013 16:13

So you think he's wrong because the word is frown upon and not inclusive but you laughed about it with him anyway.

YABU

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 16:20

Good point. .if you think he's wrong and you laughed anyway it makes you worse than him

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 16:37

Fanjo. Exactly my point. I must be a heinous evil person because I have a laugh with a disabled person about his t shirt that could be classed by some as offensive.

It just shows what a joke it is that someone is entitled to joke about something because they are involved or inclusive.

A joke is either funny or not or offensive or not.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 16:52

Noone said you were heinous.

Im not getting your rather circular argument.

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 16:52

Fanjo. Exactly my point. I must be a heinous evil person because I have a laugh with a disabled person about his t shirt that could be classed by some as offensive.

It just shows what a joke it is that someone is entitled to joke about something because they are involved or inclusive.

A joke is either funny or not or offensive or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 16:56

Oops
Sorry for the repost.

The whole thing is based on how exactly the same word ( or t shirt in this case) is classed as offensive in some cases but not in others.

Which in my opinion. And that of my piss taking disabled friend ) is a load of tosh

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 17:07

So it was a disingenuous OP?

What does that prove?

Very puzzled as to why you would post this unless it was to stir up a fight.

Clearly the context in which things are said does matter.

Anyway I'm off out with DD..what a bizarre thread

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 17:40

Fanjo. It wasn't to cause an argument. And the context can be the same regardless of the level of ability of the the joker.

It was borne of a discussion between me and my disabled friend about those who found his t shirt offensive and those that thought only disabled people could joke about the disabled. His point that was it is fine for anyone to joke, but it seems from the posts he the was wrong

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/10/2013 19:28

Of course it's different.

Him wearing the t shirt..OK..me going up to him and calling him "special" wouldn't be so much.

hazeyjane · 04/10/2013 20:54

However, much "dark comedy", including South Park, is people who are not laughing at themselves, they are laughing at and putting up for mocking those who are more vulnerable - not themselves or systems of oppression. Many people do not find that funny. There is a difference. I can take the piss out of me, other people doing it is a very different experience.

Yes to ^^ this.

My 3 year old with learning difficulties would not get the self deprecating dark humour behind a joke about window lickers, for example.

usuallyright · 05/10/2013 10:18

to be fair though, your 3 year old isn't the target audience for South Park!

mrsjay · 05/10/2013 10:20

My 3 year old with learning difficulties would not get the self deprecating dark humour behind a joke about window lickers, for example.

TBF he is 3 and not a grown up and the likes of southpark would go over his head

hazeyjane · 05/10/2013 11:40

Well, obviously he is not going to be watching South Park!

It is the general attitude that it is ok to mock and demean a vulnerable person. Personally I don't think it is ok to make jokes that have people who are unable to defend themselves as the butt of their jokes, whether they are directly made to that person or not. In the same way that Ricky Gervaise making 'mong' jokes played into that schoolboy mentality of picking on the most vulnerable.

Tbh ds is probably not going to 'get' the joke when he is the age of the target audience, but he will be at school with people who do.

TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 05/10/2013 11:42

However, media representation is important and while that specific child may not watch the show, that "dark humour" will likely be used against them, whether it goes over their head or not. "Humour" that is not targetting self or oppressive systems within society ends up supporting the oppressive systems in society and hurting people, it is not "dark", it's merely status quo humour.