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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to babysit on DH's birthday

47 replies

theuntamedshrew · 03/10/2013 09:19

my dh's birthday is coming up and i asked him what he wanted to do, he says he wants to go out drinking with the boys and i stay at home at babysit - he says its his birthday he should be able to do what he wants, i think its a bit mean. AIBU?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/10/2013 09:21

Is he also planning to do something with you or a family thing as well as his night out?

Shamoy · 03/10/2013 09:21

God yes that's mean. Why on earth wouldn't he want you to share his birthday night out as well as his friends and have someone else babysit??

NomDeOrdinateur · 03/10/2013 09:22

YANBU - I'd be very upset if DH didn't want to spend his birthday with me Sad, and I can't imagine wanting to spend mine with friends if it meant that he had to stay at home. Could you perhaps suggest that the two of you arrange a babysitter and go out for his actual birthday, and then he goes out with his friends on the following weekend?

expatinscotland · 03/10/2013 09:22

What an arse.

ISolemnlySwearThatIAmUptoNoGoo · 03/10/2013 09:29

YANBU. Can he not see that? Is he at least doing something with the family?

MY DH did go out at night on his birthday but spent the day with us and had a lovely meal in the evening then he went off and I stayed home with the kids but that is how we discussed it as I don't like going drinking with his mates.

PrimalLass · 03/10/2013 09:35

I don't see the problem. In our group the men often have a birthday night out just them. It's too hard to arrange babysitters all the time.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2013 09:41

How old is he? 17?

RedHelenB · 03/10/2013 09:44

If he doesn't do this all the time & it's what he wants as a special thing for his birthday then what's the problem?

Beccagain · 03/10/2013 09:48

Okay it's time to trot this one out.

On my 35th birthday (more years ago than I care to recall) H was going on an 'unavoidable' works night out to which partners were not invited. I sucked it up and babysat (yes I know you don't babysit your own children but you get my drift)

Turns out later that he 'made a mistake' in that a) it was voluntary b) it was colleagues but not really a works do and that c)partners were invited.

We are no longer married.

Shrew YANBU, but at least he's being honest about it and it is HIS birthday I suppose. Save the brownie points for a treat for yourself later on! And lay in loads of wine, chocolates etc to have your own celebration of his birthday which will be much better for his not being there Cake Wine

Beccagain · 03/10/2013 09:50

PS I should stress that my 35th birthday debacle is not the only reason why we are no longer married. It was symptomatic more than anything!

CoffeeTea103 · 03/10/2013 10:00

I would be very upset if my DH chose to spend a special day with other people. Yanbu, that's really mean.

Original poster
theuntamedshrew · 03/10/2013 10:01

well he goes out drinking with his friends alot, there's always a mate somewhere texting him for a pint, he will never say no i;m going to stay in with my wife tonight, so i guess i am rather disgruntled about the whole thing and beccagain although i like the suggestion of celebrating it on my own at home!, i think i would end up in a maudlin pool of wine and tears....

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 03/10/2013 10:08

Well I'm torn.
I'm going out with my friend on my birthday but she has booked tickets for something that is gonna be great.
But.... I will spend the Friday and Saturday with my partner and DD to celebrate as well.
Does he have plans to spend an evening with you celebrating it?
If not - then he's being an arse.
And if he goes out all the time with his mates then it's not on at all.
Invite a friend or family member round that night. Tell him to stay out and you have a nice girlie night in with movies and chocolate and wine and enjoy it!!!
Or get a babysitter in and you go out with your mates!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/10/2013 10:08

When was the last time you went out together as a couple?

I think it's more symptomatic of bigger problems within the relationship.

He doesn't want you there.

I would be devastated if DH told me he didn't want me at a night out to celebrate his birthday. He is my best friend so I would consider something significantly wrong with our relationship.

LouiseAderyn · 03/10/2013 10:08

I think you need a better husband, tbh. I would be really hurt if my husband preferred the company of other people, to me and kept going out on the piss, leaving me at home with the kids.

PresidentServalan · 03/10/2013 10:10

YABU - it's his birthday so he should be a me to do as he pleases. And you are not 'babysitting' surely if they are your children?

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 03/10/2013 10:11

If this was just about going out on his birthday I would say yabu. It seems like a small piece of a bigger picture though. Do you get lots of time out enjoying yourself too?

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2013 10:16

It's irrelevant whether or not the OP gets time out enjoying herself too.

There appears to be little or no couple or family time if her DH is off out drinking all the time.

That's the issue.

binger · 03/10/2013 10:17

Yabu, it's his birthday, not your's, therefore his choice. We rarely get out together but have regularly gone out on our birthdays with friends only.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2013 10:19

But what works for you two as a couple binger clearly doesn't work for the OP.

She isn't happy.

Bowlersarm · 03/10/2013 10:21

Yanbu

I would be hurt if dh wanted the company of his mates rather than me on a celebratory occasion. Why aren't you invited as well?

Goldmandra · 03/10/2013 10:23

I think he's sending you quite a strong message here. You need to let him know that you have heard it loud and clear and ask him how he intends the relationship to move forward.

FrightRider · 03/10/2013 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetestcup · 03/10/2013 10:30

Is this the only issue you have OP, or are there other things about your relationship that aren't particularly great?

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 03/10/2013 10:31

Nanny it's not irrelevant at all.

No family time is, of course, an issue, but it is also an issue if the op gets no time to herself because he is prioritising himself over her.