to be annoyed by next door neighbours putting toddler to bed at past 11pm every night?

[GrumpyInYorkshire]

We live in a mid-terraced house with fairly thin walls. A couple of months ago, a family moved in next door - young couple with a daughter of about two.
From the very start, the noise has been a major problem every night. Loud computer games, tv on full in the night, Hoovering in the small hours - that sort of thing. However, the biggest problem is that they keep their daughter up til gone 11pm, usually midnight, every day of the week, and she runs around on the exposed wooden floorboards, screaming, and keeping us awake.

I'm not talking about her being put to bed and then waking up distressed and being unable to settle - that couldn't be helped, and we're having problems of our own with DS, who often struggles to sleep.
Instead, she's up until that time playing - lights on, tv on, parents up with her.
We have mentioned the noise to them in general terms already, but nothing's changed.
However, I don't know if it's unreasonable to complain about their child playing loudly at night. I don't see how I can moan about the noise without coming come across as judgy, or questioning their parenting.

It's causing quite big problems for myself and DH, who have had to sleep in separate rooms since this started. I can sleep through the noise, but he can't, so he goes off to sleep in a separate room which is slightly further away from the noise. Said room is too small for me to join him there, or for it to be turned into our bedroom.
DH wants to move house, but we simply can't afford the cost of selling up and moving - and would of course risk getting noisy neighbours in the next house anyway.

Suggestions?

get ear plugs

Already done that, Burberry - tried a variety of different types, but they don't block it out.

What time do they get up in the morning?

Don't think you can expect them to change their lifestyle just because it is out of synch with yours . However you could ask that they keep the noise down after 10pm. Could you rearrange your bedroom so that you have cupboards against the adjoining wall or insulate it further to muffle the sound ?

I think it is reasonable to talk to them about noise after 10, but you can't focus on the child, that is their business

Chipping - it varies.
Sometimes they will all leave the house together at 4am, 5am - other days you don't hear them until lunchtime. I'm not sure what they do work-wise.

i know you could call social services, the council, and if they are private tenants, contact their landlord and have them thrown out.

If they're renting, complain to the landlord (especially if its a council owned property).

I'd say something and then if they continue to ignore it, play them at their own game and do your hoovering and noisy childs play at 7am. Might make them go to bed earlier.

To begin with I was thinking, what does it matter to you when their kid goes to bed but really its just about them being inconsiderate and noisy in general, which sucks.

that was what you wanted to hear right?

It all sounds very odd - and annoying!

I think all you can do is to look into sound baffling and install as much/rearrange your furniture, add more soft furnishings etc as much as you can. It really does make a huge difference.

I don't think 'talking to them' is going to get you anywhere.

After 10pm I would think something could be done about it just as is with loud music, normal day to day sound is one thing but loud tvs/screaming running toddlers on bare floors at that time seems over the top..

Could you not give your councils noise department a phone call and see what they say? I mean dogs bark naturally but they will come and investigate if it is continues...

Also if they are late risers I would make sure I was loud in the morning.. You no let the toddler play the pots and pans drums at 8am next to the party wall etc

Er, no, Burberry. I don't think calling social services because their child is up late would be in any way reasonable.
I'm trying to find a diplomatic and appropriate way to focus on the noise without questioning their parenting.

I would suspect they probably hate it even more than you do.

I think you have to just focus on the noise - reasonable to ask them to keep it down at night.
Unreasonable to ask them to change their routines re toddler to suit you.

Everyone a bit snarky this morning! Yes, it's not about the bedtime, it's about the noise. I don't think it's unreasonable to complain.

If they get up later than you put the tv, radio, or music on. Just where you think they might be sleeping. Also don't keep your dc too quiet in the morning.
Imo noisy neighbours tend not to like other peoples noise themselves. Try being loud when they have granny to visit!

I was going to suggest tv on full blast at 7am. Where on earth are they taking a toddler at 4am ?

They seem to be very inconsiderate people. Surely they are aware of the thin walls and noise transfer. Call the council, see if they can offer any advice.

Yes - if they are renting you could speak to the landlord, but I don't actually think it will get you far as what they are doing isn't really 'specific' enough (it would be easier to deal with if they were having parties etc) or actually 'wrong' as such, just bloody annoying.

Not sure why Burberry is being so sarky about it though?! People can be strange, though I suppose her response if probably due to identifying with the 'problem neighbour'

how old is your ds , could you befriend them ?

thanks chipping i can tell you are a real sweetie with your silly little winky passive aggressive smiley face xx

I have DDs whose regular bedtimes would be after 10 or 11 at night. What are they supposed to do if they have owls like I did? Regular piriton to dose them out? Not something I would consider. Getting them up earlier and trying to reset their bodyclocks? Doesn't work easily. It took 6 months to drag DD1's bedtime back from midnight to 11pm when she was 18 months and every night was a (loud) battle.

It might be a lifestyle choice but my late nights certainly weren't. I didn't tend to try to force them to bed earlier and so yes they did play. I guess we were lucky to live in a detached house and not have neighbours to worry about.

I have sympathy for both of you. You for the noise and them for never ever having quiet evenings to themselves.

What time do you and your DH go to bed? Although it's unusual for a toddler to be up til midnight, you could easily be disturbed by adults at that time. If you moved to another terraced house, you could still get disturbed. You also have dc yourself so you could easily be the cause of disturbing others.

Perhaps the fact that your problem is actually noise, not the toddler's bedtime is colouring the responses. Your OP makes it sound as though the toddler being up at a time when you think she should be in bed is the problem, whereas presumably you wouldn't care what time she went to bed if she was quiet? I think that it might be worth inviting them round to hear the noise themselves as they may be genuinely unaware of how much it penetrates, especially if you are quite quiet. You could always couch it in terms of hoping that they can't hear you when x,y or z as you've noticed that you can hear them when they specifically a,b and c so that it doesn't sound accusatory.