to be annoyed by next door neighbours putting toddler to bed at past 11pm every night?

[GrumpyInYorkshire]

We live in a mid-terraced house with fairly thin walls. A couple of months ago, a family moved in next door - young couple with a daughter of about two.
From the very start, the noise has been a major problem every night. Loud computer games, tv on full in the night, Hoovering in the small hours - that sort of thing. However, the biggest problem is that they keep their daughter up til gone 11pm, usually midnight, every day of the week, and she runs around on the exposed wooden floorboards, screaming, and keeping us awake.

I'm not talking about her being put to bed and then waking up distressed and being unable to settle - that couldn't be helped, and we're having problems of our own with DS, who often struggles to sleep.
Instead, she's up until that time playing - lights on, tv on, parents up with her.
We have mentioned the noise to them in general terms already, but nothing's changed.
However, I don't know if it's unreasonable to complain about their child playing loudly at night. I don't see how I can moan about the noise without coming come across as judgy, or questioning their parenting.

It's causing quite big problems for myself and DH, who have had to sleep in separate rooms since this started. I can sleep through the noise, but he can't, so he goes off to sleep in a separate room which is slightly further away from the noise. Said room is too small for me to join him there, or for it to be turned into our bedroom.
DH wants to move house, but we simply can't afford the cost of selling up and moving - and would of course risk getting noisy neighbours in the next house anyway.

Suggestions?

Burberry do you by chance have a small child who stays up late? Why so aggressive?

It's the noise that's the problem.

At from 6 months (when She dropped breast milk night feeds) my dd wouldn't sleep. I could do the bedtime routine 500 bloody time a night (aimed at dd not OP) dd would not sleep. I have been up at 5 am still trying to get dd to sleep.
I tried cc, pick-up-put-down, sleep training. everything. Dd could survive on 3 hours sleep per 24hr period. Because of her lack of sleep she was always loud, screaming, and bouncing of the walls.

Dd is now 5. In the past few years we have had tests etc. dd does not produce melatonin in the levels needed to fall asleep. She never has. She slept until 6 months because my melatonin was being supplied to her in my breast milk until she stopped her night feeds. she is now on a high dose of melatonin to get her to sleep at night.

That aside.
Do your neighbours realise how much noise they are making?
Is there a way you could diplomatically without mentioning parenting or child ask them to keep it down.
A "these walls are so thin" type conversation rather than a "you are so noisy"
Do they rent? Could you speak to landlord/agent.
If they own could you suggest going half on insulation? Do you have the type of wall where that could be done?

I think 11pm - 7 am are the hours you have to keep noise down.Is the property yours.It might be worth investing in some sound insulation.

after 10 for a toddler is pretty ridiculous, especially if they're being properlly loud. I'd speak to the council tbh as talking hasn't helped and you can't move just because of this!

I had a huge problem with noisy neighbours in the past and found the wax ear plugs that you mould to the shape if the ear an absolute god send, couldn't hear a thing ( and these guys were playing trance/dub star music all through the night, most nights).

I wouldn't attack the child in your complaint - it is likely to make them angry and defensive. They may not be able to help it perhaps the child has ADHD or something.

You could politely request they do something about the things they are definitely able to help, like the hoovering at anit social hours and the loud computer games. They may not realise you can hear any of this.

I expect this is a common problem when you have two families living side by side in old terraced houses with bare floors. They may well not be being that loud it's just the sound carries. I'd look into sound proofing better or consider moving to something newer. I live in a new terrace and despite having two toddlers next door have never heard a peep except in summer when the windows are open.

It is horrible when the noise is beyond your control but it sounds just like regular family noise to me. Just because it's a toddler not a teenager walking around in the evening doesn't mean they are doing anything wrong.

I wouldn't mention the child's bedtime, because if the child was awake but quiet it wouldn't matter.

I would however address the Hoovering etc after 10pm.

It's fine to stay up as late as you like in your own home, obviously. But if you live in a terraced house, surely you have to try and be a bit more considerate?

I had the same problem many years ago, they used to put their toddler to bed at 5pm then get him up again about 9 to play!
Also used to hoover at 11pm, mow the grass and cut hedges at 10pm.
But if my dd woke up in the night crying, they used to bang on the wall
We had to move in the end, talking to them did no good, the wife was very aggressive and it was making me ill.
I feel for you, noisy neighbours are terrible and my relationship with my dh was affected too.

Agree with tantrums about the hoovering though. I sent dh up in his pyjamas to ask the person above us to stop hoovering at midnight. She was mortified because she had no idea that it was loud enough to wake us up downstairs. Some things really carry and hoovering on hard floors is one of them.

TV watching is pretty standard evening behaviour though.

landlord can do very little if it doesn't breach the lease. Even if it does, it is very difficult to evict. However he can not renew the lease so should be informed.

speak to them again and ask them not to hoover at stupid o clock and to keep the noise down above 'x'. They don't sound the smartest and it probably hasn't occurred to them. Also ask them to put rugs down so the elephantine child (how do they do this?) makes less noise.

don't mention the bedtime as there's nothing you can do about that.

YANBU to be annoyed by the general noisiness.

But my DS used to stay up till 10-11pm very regularly as a toddler. It was when he still took a daytime nap. If I tried to keep him awake in the daytime he was a nightmare all afternoon, would be too tired to eat dinner, would conk out at 6pm and then be up in the small hours. So rather than that, I let him have his nap and we just resigned ourselves to having his (happy, playful, delightful) company all evening.

It was just a phase, though, lasted probably a few months and then when he was able to drop his nap, bedtime became a more reasonable 7-8pm. Maybe your neighbours' DD will do the same?

Hi,

I came across this thread today - we are in exactly the same boat now and it’s ruining our home life.

Can I ask if you found a solution in the end?

Thanks,

Chris

I know this is an ancient thread but this is exactly the problem we have with our NDNs. The difference is its their 4yo who is kept up through the night especially at weekends when they have friends over ril 2am.

I am genuinely amazed as to who has that energy level to stay up late with small children!

So we start watching a film at 6am (TV against the party wall) and the couple have been farming their 4yo out to family or friends so they can enjoy a long lie on a Sunday. She comes back around 2pm.

You need to do lots of regular household stuff early in morning. Talking to these people gets you nowhere. They don't listen. Been there and done that.