to have shed a few tears at how negative the teacher was about my DD today?

[mummytowillow]

Before I start, I know I'm being a drama queen, I'm hormonal and very tired

Today I met with my DD (6) teacher to see how she has settled in. She has been in this teachers class since they went back to school.

I didn't go in expecting her to be top of the class and receive glowing comments, but I've come away feeling quite negative and upset at how negative she was about her.

We sat down and she launched into the following: she's slow at everything she does, getting undressed for PE and getting dressed, slow at copying things off the board, daydreams and takes too much interest in other children. Talks too much and won't work independently and lacks imagination.

Every question I asked she would go start with 'well, ummm', give me a strange look' and continue with the comments.

I asked her whether she was a good girl in class, again 'well, ummm' and said she is OK. What confuses me is she got a really good report from her previous teacher, she said she is doing well, a delight to teach, no concerns and a 'little' day dreamy (which I know she can be). In her school they mix Yr 1&2 together, so how can she have gone from this to what her new teacher is saying in such a short time.

New teacher said if she continues like this she will have concerns she will end up behind the other children. So I asked her what can I do to encourage her to concentrate and she said its probably too much TV and she needs to do more jigsaws, books and imagination play.

Fair enough, I can do all this, I understand she's doing her job and of course, if something needs highlighting I want to know, but I'm just so confused at what has gone wrong in such a short space of time.

Any tips on other ideas of how to get her to concentrate and focus would be appreciated.

As the mother of a child who found the transition from reception to yr1 quite a shock, my advice would be to not worry too much.

Some teachers are far more critical than others, and no matter how 'objective' they aim to be, all teachers get on better with some children than others.

Ask your dd if she's happy in class, and if she says yes, then just let her develop at her own rate.

I'm sure others will be along soon to offer tips on improving her focus, if that's what you want, but personally, I'd try not to worry.

To be honest I would be questioning what the teacher is doing to help her 'concentrate and focus' - is it possible your dd is bored? Or that she's not been stimulated enough?

It sounds a bit like the teacher is passing the buck, yes she's your dd and you need to know but likewise it sounds very much like she's told you to fix it when in reality there is little you can do to ensure that she concentrates in class!

I have a daydreamer too. I've found different teachers have different reactions to it. For some, it's fine - just the way they are and they'll grow out of it. For others it's a problem. Mine improved by about the middle of year 2. The funny thing was her work didn't really suffer - although she didn't look like she was listening, it seemed to go in. She occasionally needed an instruction repeating. But her year 1 teacher recognised that and just checked she'd heard.

Yes I'm sure activities such as reading, puzzles. board games etc may help. But mostly I think it went as mine grew up a bit and wanted to get the work right.

I was assured by the year 1 teacher that there were five or six others in the same boat at the time. So I don't think it's very unusual. But we have an intake of 60 per year, so it might be that your's is only one of two in the class like this and stands out a bit more because of it.

I just told her over and over again, "you must concentrate" "it's important that you listen to the instructions".

Mine is 8 now and still the slowest dresser. She has come home twice this term with her trousers on back to front. But her work is fine.

I doubt you have the tv on all day every day. But if you did, maybe cut it down a bit. I've been quite worried about it over the past few years but it has just naturally sorted itself out as she's matured a bit.

Is she in year 1 or 2? A lot of children struggle with the transition from R to 1. In R they do everything work wise with a teacher or TAs support- they tend to do numeracy and literacy in groups of 5 or 6 with an adult while the other children play. In year 1 the whole class usually do literacy and numeracy together, and there might only be 1 teacher or a teacher and a TA working with the whole class.

So she might be struggling with having less adult attention, without someone there to notice when she's daydreaming and bring her back, a little daydreamy has turned into a lot!

What is she like at home? I would work on getting her to be more independent, just simple tasks like getting dressed, but expecting her to remember the sequence and do it without you reminding her.

I think that's a good point Lurking. There was a lot of the whole class learning from a whiteboard, sitting on the carpet in year 1. But in year 2 it was more small groups at tables with a bit more interaction.

Thanks for the replies. She is in Yr 2 and one of the youngest in the class (August baby), she was 6 two weeks before they went back to school.

She doesn't need any help at home to get dressed, has a great imagination and can play for hours with her dolls etc, and its a delight to listen to her talk to them.

I'm blaming myself as I do let her watch too much TV and her diet is not great. She is a very fussy eater and I'm convinced this affects her concentration.

I've had a chat to her and things are going to change, I've been lazy in the past and give in too easily. So I need to man up, turn the TV off and get strict with her eating.

The teacher has a bad reputation for having no empathy and lots of parents have said she's not popular. Other parents have commented that their children don't seem as happy in her class as they were in their previous lovely teachers class.

What are your opinions of Omega 3 supplements, she has taken them in the past, but doesn't do fish!!

I've thought about the Omega 3 milk etc, any views on that?

I would be less inclined to agree with/believe the teacher that your DD has 'changed this much' - I think either the teacher is negative or just isn't 'getting the best out of her' and both of those things are her failings, not your DD's.

You know she has a good imagination - why is her NEW teacher saying otherwise? What would last years teacher have said about her re that?

Quote OP 'daydreams and takes too much interest in other children. Talks too much and won't work independently and lacks imagination.'

Clearly this teacher never acquired the skill of giving feedback constructively....the time to be worried is when your DD doesn't talk in class and takes no interest in her classmates (say a possibly autistic child).
I don't see how she can be day-dreamy and slow; and yet talk too much/take too much interest in others - they seem like opposites.

Given the teacher's reputation and how she made you feel, I think you need to go and see the Head and get a proper view. I agree with you that she cannot have morphed so much just over the summer holidays. The last teacher's report is the strong suit in your hand...the school needs to make up its mind.
Stop blaming yourself....

If you are worried about her diet, go to H&B and buy some of their chewy vitamins.

My DD is an August baby too and very like this, even in year 4.

I think the teacher needs to take more responsibility though and engage her and encourage her ton concentrate and chivvy her along.

Your posts reminded me of this blog - does that strike any chords with you?

Thanks Chipping, that's what I'm thinking and have heard before.

I am going to make some changes though, starting with the food! wish me luck

Honestly, some teachers just aren't great at giving feedback. DS had two job share teachers last year and it was like they were talking about two different children. Try not to worry too much.

BigArea, just briefly looked through it and yes it does definitely, will read it through later

This teacher has a responsibility to engage your daughter - it is her job in school to make sure that the child is stimulated and learning.

Don't be upset over remarks from a teacher who has only known your DD a few weeks.

To be honest any teacher who can't find a decent word to say about a child needs to be kept an eye on. I would be asking the HT what steps are being taken to ensure your DD is fully engaged in class whilst expressing concerns over this teacher's attitude to your child.
Good luck.

Her diet. Well, I saw a 'fussy eaters' program a couple of years ago, the 9yo girl only ate chocolate and rice crispies. That was all. Ever. Her parents had tried everything they could - she wouldn't eat anything else (she had 2 or 3 brothers/sisters who all ate a normal, healthy diet

I started DS on the Omega 3 syrup about 6 months ago. I did this following reading and advice on our MN boards about SEN, and was subsequently advised to do so by an Ed Pysch.

I have encountered a few teachers now and frankly my back would have gone right up at your DDs teachers comments. Surely all feedback must have positives, negatives and learning points. What you've been handed is a steaming pile of shite, and I'd be asking for a follow up with the SEN or Head present.

DD should have a development plan if the teacher thinks things are that bad, the SEN should be involved and the 3 of you: school, DD and you should be working as a team to get her operating at a satisfactory level.

Please, please do not be discouraged, but please, please get your big girl pants on and get in there to fight for resources and support for DD.

Also use the SEN board here. Wise women have lots of tips and shed loads of empathy to support you when you're at rock bottom.

Keep posting and good luck xxx

It sounds like you're doing all the right things re diet and exercise and you could turn a lot of those negatives to positives:

Slow = careful?
Interested in other children - can't see how that's a bad thing
Talks too much - good communicator?

Try not to worry about it too much, and definitely try not to let your daughter stress about it - as you've already said, the teacher is not known for her empathy.

FWIW my DD went into Yr1 with a report from her Reception teacher stating that she was so far behind in her PSED that she should be put on the school's special needs register. DH & I were completely mystified but realized that the Yr1 teacher had to follow the recommendation until she knew DD well enough to make her own judgment.

When we went to parents evening the following term she told us that having got to know DD she had absolutely no idea what the reception teacher was talking about .

Obviously I'm not presuming to diagnose DD but at her age behaviours are in the shades of grey area and the SEN boards, whist in the long term may not be applicable, offer universally good advice.

Also yes, reduce screen time and reduce processed stuff and sugar in her diet. You'll be amazed at the difference.

How's your DD finding things? What's her point if view? Is she happy?

I wonder if she is just finding the transition into year 2 hard?

It is very early days for the new teacher to be making negative comments about your daughter, I imagine she was just meant to be talking about how she has settled into the new year group and it sounds that she has done so confidently.As others have said I would not worry excessively about what she has said; you really don't want your daughter to pick up on your anxiety.I would be very positive with your daughter taking an interest in what she is learning in school, reading with her a lot too and encouraging her as much as possible,also making sure she responds to requests, instructions etc quickly.

Sounds like it's the teacher who needs the extra vitamins, along with a refresher course in normal development of six year olds.

This sounds like me at early years primary age. And I got 11 GCSES and 4 A Levels! Good teachers inspire; poor teachers bore hence potential day dreaming. I'd ask other parents what their DCs think of the teacher to ascertain if it's her or your DD.

Last year DSD's teacher was similarly negative, and we were all worried.
She's not one of the youngest but she is a daydreamer. Chatty, but not focused, but lovely! Seven now.
Her reports from school were awful. Parents evening, awful. But the year before everything was fine, and this year it seems everything is fine again. It was just a personality clash is all I can surmise.

All children are different. I dislike this idea that everyone has to fit in the same little box.

Nothing wrong with being a daydreamer. I have a friend whose son "daydreamed" all through primary school - he did OK but not brilliantly. He came into his own at secondary, got excellent A-level grades and is now thriving at a Russell group university.

It's a shame the teacher doesn't appreciate your DD's individuality, but that's her loss. Hopefully next year your DD will have someone better.