Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Out of bounds fridge

30 replies

HelpmeOB1 · 01/10/2013 17:41

My nephew lives with his father, his father's partner and her two children.
There are two fridges in the house. One for everyday items, milk, butter etc and one for treats (chocolate bars, cheesecakes, yoghurts, other yummy stuff) The treat fridge is out of bounds to my nephew, and the food there-in is only for the partner, her kids and my nephew's father.
AIBU to think this is TOTALLY out of order?? My nephews father is a total weed so goes along with the partner for an easy life, so please don't suggest he sorts it coz he wont!!!
I want to send my nephew a load of treats but have been told by his mother not to as it'll just cause more problems.
What do people think?

OP posts:
BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 01/10/2013 17:45

YANBU He should be treated the same as the other children in the household.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 01/10/2013 17:45
Angry

Excluding him from the same food that his stepsiblings have access to it is emotionally abusive.

What possible reason have they got for doing this?! I assume your nephew is old enough to take things to eat from the fridge himself - what does he eat?

CoffeeTea103 · 01/10/2013 17:46

Although this treat fridge doesn't sound healthy, it's absolutely Shockwrong for them to be doing this to the boy. What is the explanation for this? Who is related to you, the mum or dad?

If they are excluding him on this level what else is going on? Have you spoken to your nephew, what does he say about any reasons for this.

Buzzardbird · 01/10/2013 17:46

Who gave you this information?

Original poster
HelpmeOB1 · 01/10/2013 18:40

My nephew told me. He is a teen-ager so well old enough to help himself. His 'step-mother's' kids are much younger. I have no idea why they are doing it but the only thing I can think of is that the step mother buys the treats with her own money ( I don't know this, it's just a guess).
My nephew almost laughed it off but he is shy and does not like to rock the boat.

OP posts:
UC · 01/10/2013 18:46

Really? Is this really true? Are you sure this isn't a misunderstanding?

Isildur · 01/10/2013 18:49

It doesn't sound like a happy set up, but when you say teenager, do you mean out of education and earning?

As in, someone who might be expected to buy their own 'treats'?

Vivacia · 01/10/2013 18:51

This does sound bad, there could be a reasonable explanation though.

I had an in-law who hid crisps and biscuits from her stepchildren because they ate them all up and she would be left with nothing for her husband's packed lunch. He wasn't bothered, because he wanted his kids to be happy when they visited, and he wasn't the one inconvenienced by having to buy more. You can see how it was just a tricky situation where both sides had a point.

Original poster
HelpmeOB1 · 01/10/2013 18:51

No, it is really true. It was announced at a family meeting by the 'step-mother'. The contents of the second fridge are only for her, her kids and my nephew's father!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpmeOB1 · 01/10/2013 18:52

Isildur - My nephew is in yr 10.

OP posts:
Isildur · 01/10/2013 18:56

It is indeed unfortunate then (unless this is a suddenly implemented thing, as a result of nephew and friends eating them out of house and home after nights out or something).

But unless there is an alternative place for him to live, it doesn't sound as though anything can be done. And is the fridge really the biggest problem in the family dynamic?

DeWe · 01/10/2013 19:44

If the other kids are younger then it may be that they are not old enough to help themselves. So whereas it may sound like it's against him, it could be that in reality they get, say one treat per week out of it, which she would expect him to buy with pocketmoney.

I have rules what dd1 can get out of the cupboard for a snack. She's 12yo. Dd2 (age 9) has to check with me before getting something out of the cupboard and show me what she's got (and I may say no) and ds (age 6) isn't allowed to help himself at all.

So whereas dd1 could say she's not allowed XYZ from the cupboard, whereas the others are. They wouldn't ever get them except as a treat (and would offer dd1 it at the same time).

Retroformica · 01/10/2013 19:48

I agree it doesn't seen fair. From a different perspective though a teenage boy can eat huge amounts in one sitting and leave nothing for others (whole boxes of shreddies etc)

Retroformica · 01/10/2013 19:49

Do the other kids just help themselves to the treatie fridge without asking?

raisah · 01/10/2013 20:01

Very cruel and emotionally abusive as she is using food to cause divisions between father & son. The father is allowed a treat but his son isnt and this is enforced by a control freak woman. To all those who say it's not a bad thing what do you think will happen to the nephew if his father died while still with the partner? Do you think he will be treated fairly by the partner in the division of his fathers assets if she is denying him access to the fridge now? Emotionally & physical abuse starts small & then escalates slowly as the abuser gains mpre confidence.o

catsmother · 01/10/2013 20:10

I plan, buy and cook all our meals so am pretty much "in charge" of treats etc. Which means I sometimes "hide" them in various un-obvious places so they don't get wolfed down by one or two individuals without any thought for everyone else. Similarly, I sometimes buy distinct "child" and "adult" treats. I also admit I pretty much try to ban casual grazing as I was getting so fed up of people being greedy-guts and I couldn't afford the time or money to replace stuff (but fruit is always help yourself) ......

..... but, and this is a big but, when I bring out treats, or agree to requests for something nice, everyone gets treated. No-one is refused what everyone else is having - the message is that we are all equally deserving of a Magnum, or a choc bar, or a fancy dessert.

To deny your nephew a "nice" treat is in effect saying that he's not really part of the family, and/or that he doesn't "deserve" something special. His SM is being a bloody bitch - and his own dad is even worse for refusing to ensure his son is fully included in what's a normal part of family life. I've had to lay down the law with my own teen about eating a whole packet of cakes in one go for example, but that issue is entirely separate from saying that he, specifically, isn't allowed a single cake, unlike everyone else.

It's actually really nasty. Like your nephew is a male version of Cinderella.

quoteunquote · 01/10/2013 20:21

How vile, buy him a fridge and fill it full of treats, yogurt, and snacks, send him a supermarket order regularly.

Make sure other family members are making him feel welcome and loved, he must feel quite hurt(perhaps why he told you), teenagers do eat a lot, but that is the nature of teenagers,

Did she know he had a child when they moved into together?

Squitten · 01/10/2013 20:22

Where is your sister in all this? Is she supporting him enough to deal with such a vile SM? Poor kid...

SaucyJack · 01/10/2013 20:30

If it actually is what it looks like, then it's unacceptable.

What's even sadder is that his own parents won't stick up for him.

Original poster
HelpmeOB1 · 01/10/2013 21:15

quoteunquote and Squitten - I told my sister I wanted to send him a food parcel but she told me not to as she thought it'd cause more problems for my nephew.
He is being welcomed by all other family members so that is good.
SM knew her new partner had a teenage kid.

OP posts:
raisah · 01/10/2013 21:37

I think I would report her to ss for ea just to have her investigated and to make her squirm at the questioning and to give her a short sharp shock. I really dont like people who are cruel and cause divisions between parent & child.

Brigantia · 02/10/2013 08:54

That's not right at all! How long has his dad had this new partner?

How old is year 10 (for those of us in Scotland)

mrsjay · 02/10/2013 08:56

How old is year 10

it is the equivlant of 4th year

mrsjay · 02/10/2013 08:58

your poor nephew he is being abused by them and it is disgusting does he never get anything from the goody fridge or do they ration it ? perhaps he was helping himself to it all and leaving nothing . but tbh it just sounds like they dont like him very much and are neglecting him

Makqueen2 · 02/10/2013 09:13

It is the same for my ds at his father's house.

His wife has two children and they have their own treats etc (as well as toys and dvdd) that ds is not allowed to touch.

Luckily ds is only there every other weekend.

His father has told him that his wife and her two kid's happiness are his priority now, so he won't do anything about it.

It's horrendous to me. All children in a household should be treated in exactly the same way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread