to want to offer safety advice without being called over protective?

[peanutMD]

I have a friend on FB (playground mum) with a DD 2 weeks older than mine (7 months).

The past few months she's been putting things up about how she's dealing with her child and having been on here for 5 years now i know a some of it is actually quite dangerous so trying to be helpful i have commented with my opinion on why these things may not be advised.

i've been very careful not to seem preachy, patronising or forceful in doing so but was told by her and a few friends i need to "chill" and stop being so "over protective".

Do others try to offer helpful advice or just ignore the fact that someone is putting their childs health at risk?

ignore.

What did you say?

It depends on what she says she is doing - what you are advising and whether your 'advice' is correct.

It depends , I've also been on here for five years and people parent differently. It might also be worth remembering that while MN is fab, it's not the be all and end all for all parents.

What Davsmum said! Not sure if YABU or not.

It depends on what you were commenting on. Generally speaking I don't offer my opinion on other people's patenting choices unless they ask.

Fair enough Blueberry i think i may actually take that stance from now on.

Isildur the first incident was when the DD was 4 months.

Mum stopped BF and put her onto formula (fair enough) but she was constantly sick with it so mun decided it would be a good idea to introduce solids to see if that helped (again fair enough) but 2 weeks later she announced that DD was just getting 1 7oz bottle a day of night time stuff to make her sleep as she was being less pukey so filling up on solids.

I suggested speaking to HV about possible intolerance or reflux and they may be able to prescribe a specialist formula. Mum said there was no point in that as DD is just pukey and no formula helps. Bearing in mind the DD was under 5 months at this point i mentioned that for the first year babies need the milk as is there main source of nutrition and that my brother was the same and goats milk formula really helped.

i was told to stop being daft she's not being fed crappy jars so its fine she should get all she needs from solids without formula. i left it at that.

Incident 2 was last month just before the DD's 6 month check when mum announced that her "big girl car seat" had been put in because the group 0 was too tight with DD's big snow suit on.

i asked what seat she'd gotten as a friend is looking fir a group 0/1 seat but needed some recommendations, she replied that again they were pointless and had bought a group 1 seat to save the hassle and she "couldn't find a pink one lol".

She mention her DD is not 18lbs so its fine for her with more space, i ignored the seat choice etc but did point out that safety guidelines now advise against big padded snow suits/jackets as it stops the straps fitting properly and it's buy her more time in the little seats which are handier (i didn't want to get into rear facing etc so played on the fact she uses it on the pram a lot) to which i was told not to be daft as she's bee freezing and would rather she was warm than bungled cold into a little seat and that "sometimes she thinks i'm way to over protective".

oops very long post there sorry.

Please excuse typos and grammar, my phone is swype text and i'm still adjusting :o

If her new car seat is not RF then this really is dangerous - babies' spines are not strong enough before about a year (regardless of their size, I think) to withstand whiplash.

But very difficult to get this over to someone else tactfully. esp anyone who chooses car seat based on whether its pink FFS

Definately not RF as its a Maxi Cosi Priori (second hand pink one).

Yes i think you may all be right, will just hide stupid posts when they appear as its bloody frustrating when you're trying to help.

I guess it's hard to offer advice without being preachy. RE: the first incident, I'd ignore ignore ignore but it's harder with the car seat issue. Posting to a link seems passive aggressive. Could you suggest she goes to a proper shop and gets car seat recommendations and make light of it "oh finding a car seat is such a confusing nightmare, isn't it? X shop were really helpful and gave good advice".

agreed Candy that's why i didn't post a link as tempting as it was.

Main criteria was "something girly" and only a second hand Priori was in budget apparently. The seat has been in use for a few weeks now i just look the other wa so to speak.

I don't know why you feel the need to give the advice.
Your friend obviously doesn't want it and makes her own decisions.

You cannot make people conform to what you believe/know is the right way to do things.
Nothing wrong in you making comments - you never know whether she may at some point find some of the comments helpful but you should not expect her to follow what you say and get miffed about it.

Guidelines re feeding and safety change all the time btw

Sorry but I think YABU. Your friend doesn't want your advice. She's made her decision and from the examples you gave you do sound 'I know better than you'.

I think you are out of order criticising her on fb for all to see. That would get my back up right away, and it can also come across as you being quite sanctimonious. Could you not have said something in person? Its far easier to convey information face to face without seeming preachy, and you aren't embarrassing her in front of everyone she knows.

Fair enough Davsmum and Nora i've already stepped up and said perhaps IABU and will refrain from offering advice in future.

I'm not miffed about anything i didn't expect her to do as i says but i wouldn't say its fair to say i'm over protective for suggesting to see the HV before cutting out the main source of a babies nutrition or about putting a baby in a car seat that its clearly too snall for which could potentially cause fatal.

Angels fwiw tge car seat issue was thriugh PM as i genuinely thought she meant a 0/1 car seat and a friend is looking for one fir her baby so was genuinely asking for a recommendation.

i don't see her much in person as her eldest goes to and from school with friends most days and i don't really know her otherwise.

Yabvu just stay out of it, I don't think your advice is wanted

i didn't mean that at all regarding BF was purely before anyone jumped on why i mentioned she'd stopped feeding, i mentioned it as within 2 weeks she had removed formula from a 4.5 month old babies diet and i reckon it would take atleast that fir stomach to adjust to change.

Regarding car seat i was trying to help as a 6 month old in a forward facing car seat could prove fatal but hey her choice :)

I know women who have put their babies on solids really really early - I think they are daft but their babies didn't die.
I also know women who continue to give formula several times a day when a baby is on full solid meals - I think they are daft - but again, their babies are thriving.
I know what I believe its the 'right way' and I wouldn't have wanted anyone telling me I should not be following what I believed to be right.

YANBU but I doubt it's going to get through as she sounds pretty thick if the determining factor for her car seat was the colour!

Davsmum i'm not bothered by the early weaning, my son was weaned at 18 weeks, i pointed out that maybe she should contact her HV to discuss other types of formula incase of intollerance/allergy or reflux because any health professional will tell you that infant milk should be the main source of nutrition for 6 months minimum.

I never at any point suggested she was doing anything wrong, her posts had gotten to the point where she seemed at her wits end dealing with excessive wind, crying and sick which all began after starting formula