Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an overreaction?

31 replies

CailinDana · 30/09/2013 18:33

I'm from Irelandbut live in England and use facebook as a handy way to keep friends/family up to date with everything that's happening in my life. When dd was born seven months ago I rang close family but then let everyone else know through fb as with two zsmall children I just didn't have time to ring/text everyone.

A few days after dd was born a friend of mine from my schooldays texted to ask how I was doing and it was clear she didn't realise I'd given birth (she is on fb). I texted back saying she'd been born along with a photo of her. I got no reply so I asked if she was ok and she replied that she thought I'd text when dd was born. I apologised and said I had only called family. Again she went silent and I texted apologising again and saying I'd still like to be friends. She replied to say she wanted the same and she'd text during the week. That was 6 months ago and I haven't heard from her. I feel I've tried to repair things and it's up to her to say where we stand.

Aibu to think that ending a 15 year friendship over this is an overreaction? Should I contact her again or just leave it?

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 30/09/2013 18:37

To be honest, if she's been your friend for 15 years, I think you could have sent her a text with your news. I'd be quite hurt not to be told.

LouiseAderyn · 30/09/2013 18:47

I think she is over reacting tbh. Yes, a text would have been better but it is not unreasonable to think that fb is okay, given that she uses fb.

I think she has taken it as a sign that you don't see her as a good enough friend to contact directly. Not sure whst you can do though aoart fron contact her again and see if she responds.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 18:48

I assumed she'd see on fb but I did realise she was hurt and so apologised. I just didn't feel up to spending the whole day after the birth texting. If the tables were turned I think I'd be forgiving.

OP posts:
PigStack · 30/09/2013 18:50

She's over sensitive: don't waste your time worrying about her tender feelings. Maybe your friendship has run its course.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 18:54

Perhaps pig. I feel it's such a shame as we have a long history but at the same time I'm surprised and quite hurt at her reaction.

OP posts:
poachedeggs · 30/09/2013 18:56

I massively cannot be doing with these people who make stuff ALL ABOUT THEM. Who had the baby again?! It's ridiculous to be all high-maintenance about being contacted when as baby is born. It's the most chaotic time ever, move on crazy friend!

Amy106 · 30/09/2013 18:58

I think it is an over reaction on her part but maybe you could try one more time to contact her and find out what's going on. Could there be something going on in her life that you don't know about?

thebody · 30/09/2013 18:59

no your friend is being entitled here.

when we had dd 4 we didn't tell anyone except out parents/ parents in law as didn't want hoards of visitors and friends dropping in us.

god I detest people who are so bloody touchy and get so offended.

you have tried to make it better. if she's acting like this she isn't a real friend.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:00

That's sort of how I feel poached. Thing is, it's totally out of character for her, she's not a drama queen at all. What really bugs me is that I apologised and she still didn't engage with me.

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 30/09/2013 19:01

Hmmm I'm on the fence on this one - seriously, you couldn't have spent an extra 5 minutes doing a group text?

ArgyMargy · 30/09/2013 19:02

A few DAYS after DD was born??! Good grief I had barely recovered enough to speak by then. She is being massively immature if you ask me. I would just let it ride - but leave the door open.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:02

I know she's upset at the fact that she's single so that might be part of it but I'd rather she say that than just ignore me.

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 30/09/2013 19:03

However, as you said you apologised, so she is being very precious

SaucyJack · 30/09/2013 19:04

That goes both ways tho poachedeggs

Her friend clearly feels that having a functioning uterus doesn't mean that you never need bother yourself with considering your friends' feeling ever again......

Personally, if it really only was a few days then she's being a bit precious. I assume you would've called at some point?

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:05

Robot I could have but is a group text any better than fb? I thought that would be enough. Like I say thoughI recognised she was hurt and said sorry.

OP posts:
thebody · 30/09/2013 19:06

her being single is not your fault and it's not an excuse to strop.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:07

Of course I would have saucy.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 30/09/2013 19:08

Generally I would say yanbu. That said, your thing about having two small children and not having time to text is ridiculous so unless you gave her that excuse, then I can't understand why she's so bothered.

I would try one more time to contact her but if she's not interested, she's not interested. You can't do anything more.

lovelyredwine · 30/09/2013 19:09

I think she's being a bit over sensitive here, however, my dh and I were a bit upset to find out that our nephew had been born by logging on to fb.

We didn't tell bil and sil that though and haven't changed the way we are with them. It's up to them how to share the new baby news.

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:10

Another complication is that I'm going back to Ireland for a visit soon. We always meet up when I'm back so if I don't arrange anything I think that really will be the end.

OP posts:
Inkspellme · 30/09/2013 19:10

maybe it would have been nice to have texted her but its a very crazy time -having a baby. you're tired after pregnancy and birth and then you have a new baby to look after as well as crashing hormones. she should put it aside, accept the apology and forget it.

You can't do any more. You have been very reasonable in the circumstances. She sounds like she doesn't have children herself?

Original poster
CailinDana · 30/09/2013 19:13

Tidy, I was focusing on getting bf started with dd and introducing ds to his new sister - texting was the last thing on my mind. I don't think that's hard to understand.

OP posts:
TheSeaPriestess · 30/09/2013 19:13

I'm sorry but that is ridiculous, you had just GIVEN BIRTH! Loads of my close friends have had babies, not once have I either expected or received a text to say they have given birth.

Facebook gives you the opportunity to put a single message and then get on with concentrating on your new baby!

I didn't even send texts to family when I had DS. My mum and DH did all the texting, I was otherwise occupied.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 30/09/2013 19:14

I think it's an overreaction, unless there are other issues.

MissStrawberry · 30/09/2013 19:15

I think it all sounds a bit playground tbh. Saying you still wanted to be friends. Why would you think she would be falling out with you over this? You did nothing wrong.

When DC3 was born I rang a friend to tell her but she was out so I texted her. She replied minutes later and all was okay. Another friend was surprised to get a birth announcement text as she didn't know I was pregnant. We hadn't told everyone as I had had a miscarriage and didn't want to have to tell loads of people if I lost this baby too.

If you really want to move on and be friends again maybe contact her to say you will be in X on X date and if she would like to meet up you would love to see her and could she let you know either way. If she doesn't then the friendship is over.