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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off because people keep telling me that my baby is cold.

77 replies

froken · 30/09/2013 10:55

Ds is 9 months old. He hates wearing hats/socks and bibs. I have tried to dress him in tights or babygrows, he gets his feet out of the babygrows and he becomes hysterical when he tries to take the tights off and they get stuck.

Today it is 8 degree. Ds is wearing thermal underwear, clothes and a snow suit designed to be sufficient down to -30. ( if anything I'm worried he is too hot) his little bare feet and hands are visible and he has no hat.

7 people have stopped me and told me I should have socks/a hat.

Why are some people such busybodies? I feel terrible every time someone gives me the my poorbaby is freezing lecture. It makes me feel like we should stay at home but ds loves the groups we go to and gets bored easily at home.

Aibu to tell them to mind their own business?

OP posts:

NoComet · 30/09/2013 12:39

DD1 had hysterics if you put her in a snowsuit, whinged if you put her in a vest and removed, hats, gloves and socks.

The latter two items when straight in her mouth to ensure you couldn't put them back on.

DD2 wasn't much better.

If I saw you in the street I'd just smile!

Lastofthepodpeople · 30/09/2013 12:44

Ha! I've often looked at babies all bundled up in suits, and hats and blankets and thought they must be roasting. Would never say anything though. People do what they think is best.

Last winter, DS was two and the only way of keeping him in a coat would be if I had a straitjacket. He used to physically fight me putting it on and as soon as it was on, he ripped it off. I couldn't physically keep it on unless he wanted to. I got a lot of cats bum looks, but you know what? When he was really cold, he let me put it on and kept it on. Babies and toddlers aren't as unaware of the connection between clothes and warmth as people might think.

caramelwaffle · 30/09/2013 12:45

froken

The difference is frostbite.

At best, some localised permanent skin damage, at worst, having his toes or feet cut off to prevent poisonous gangrene travelling around his body.

You say you are already in a colder place and we are heading into winter.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 30/09/2013 12:54

you know what, your job as a parent is to do the thing your DC need, not what they want. Have no idea whether your DS needs socks right now, but wanted to say you are going to have to woman up a little bit and accept you will need to do things he doesn't want in his life because you are a parent and know better. Just get the sense you might be struggling with the conflict of upsetting him...sometimes we just have to.

This is about more than socks!

QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 12:54

Op is in Sweden though.

Is she going to let her baby sit through a snow storm with bare feet?

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/09/2013 12:56

Get a lighter weight cosytoes for autumn (or a grobag with a safety harness) and then his toes won't be exposed.

Or stick him in tights every time you go out until he stops fighting it. You know tights won't do permanent damage so he'll just have to put up with them.

Jan49 · 30/09/2013 13:05

Your ds sounds adorable, OP. LOL @ him thinking his feet have been stolen.

Could he have something like a blanket in his pushchair so you can cover his feet a bit when he's not walking and he'd still have his feet bare and free?

2tiredtocare · 30/09/2013 13:22

My 9 month old DS sock refuser champion. If it was cold I'd stick him in a snowsuit/tights but what bugs me the most is that people have already started commenting on his lack of socks even though its still warm, argh

IceBeing · 30/09/2013 13:23

quint caramel the OP said:

"I feel his hands/feet regularly and they feel warm"

So how exactly is this child at risk?

brightonbythesea · 30/09/2013 13:27

It is annoying that people keep saying that to you, however, you should try sock ons. My DD loves to pull her socks off and sock-ons are the only way of stopping her!

MotherofBear · 30/09/2013 13:28

I imagine that when it starts getting to be really cold, then the OP will put on her DS's cozytoes. She is talking about people commenting right now, when it isn't so cold.

currentbuns · 30/09/2013 13:31

This happened to me in Denmark with DD1, two random, cross old Danish ladies stopped & chastised me for the fact that DD wasn't wearing gloves and her poor little hands were turning pink in the cold! They were absolutely right, of course, but DD had tugged her gloves off without me noticing and tossed them away.

campion · 30/09/2013 13:40

Would you pander to him if he refused to sit in his car seat/undid his straps constantly?

If it's not cold it doesn't matter.When it's seriously cold it does matter and you're in charge.That saying about it taking a village to raise a child has some validity-unfortunately, in the UK no-one dares say anything.In much of northern Europe people are
less inhibited.Sometimes it's annoying and sometimes it makes you think!

User3433399 · 30/09/2013 13:42

I think YAB slightly U, as most mums/grannies/general busy bodies would think that a baby needs to have something on his feet at least at that temperature, and I know a lot of people who would say it. I would probably raise an eyebrow (if not say anything as I know how annoying that is).

YANBU about not forcing the socks if you think his feet genuinely aren't cold. If he's not screaming his head off they probably aren't. If you think this is the right thing you may just have to develop a thicker skin about the comments.

Having said that, I just pushed through the sock/tights refusal and made DD keep them on until she got used to them. It didn't take long until they didn't bother her any more, and it was worth it to avoid the drama once she had to get dressed for childcare and I didn't have time to negotiate (and it was too bloody cold to send her out without). I think you might be storing yourself up trouble for when he's older and even more strong willed if you don't just take the bull by the horns now...

Kormachameleon · 30/09/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KenAdams · 30/09/2013 13:46

He won't be able to see his feet in his footmuff either though when it gets a bit colder so what will you do then?

Beastofburden · 30/09/2013 13:50

LOL I was a shoe refuser too and my mum got fed up with hearing the old biddies muttering as she went down the street.

She says what she really wanted was a big badge saying, "YOU TRY".

DS1 was a shoe refuser so I stapped him into one of those woolly sleeping bag jobs. At 21 he still resents this, in fact it's about the only memory he ahs of his early childhood.

MrsWolowitz · 30/09/2013 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nethunsreject · 30/09/2013 13:53

Ffs, some of the replies on here are unreal! Yanbu op. So he has bare feet? It's hardly abuse or neglect!

2tiredtocare · 30/09/2013 13:54

People in the UK do dare to say things to strangers

diddl · 30/09/2013 13:57

Leaving aside the socks for the moment-he's wearing thermal underwear, clothes & a snowsuit in 8°?

What's he going to wear when he gets cold??

diddl · 30/09/2013 13:58

Sorry, when it (the weather) gets cold!

GladbagsGold · 30/09/2013 13:58

Maybe you should get some socks that have a photo of his feet printed on? Or paint his feet so it looks like he is wearing socks. Or get some elastic and fasten to socks, tie to pushchair, so if he takes them off they are still dangling there proving to the world that you are not the worst mum ever and you do provide socks.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 14:09

IceBeing - where have I said that the child is "at risk"?

At risk of what??

Please tell me.

ThreeMyselfAndI · 30/09/2013 14:14

I would not approach you to say anything but I would be like this and would judge, sorry I am being honest I dont think it cold enough to warrant hats and gloves just yet but no socks, his wee feet must be freezing and sore. I would think he was inappropriately dressed without socks especially as you have thought it cold enough for a snow suit.

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