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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am not BU but I am so annoyed

62 replies

catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:26

I have had a horrendous cold this week. Really fluey, fever, achy, cold, hacking cough and sore throat. Poor DS (nearly 2) has had it too.

I have had to go to work every day this week despite the fact I should have been in bed. DH doesn't work. He has DS 2 days a week, the other 3 he is on his own at home. TBF, he has recently (after lots of issues) started doing housework which is a step forward. We've had issues in the past about him being depressed / lazy and he is now getting treatment for the depression and is a lot better and he is pulling his weight around the house now and is looking for a job, so things have improved.

However, I have got up with DS every day this week. Washed him, dressed him, fed him etc, then gone to work. Then come home, played with him, fed him, bathed him, read to him and put him to bed.

DH now has the cold. Yesterday, despite it being Saturday and me still being a bit ill and totally knackered, I go up with DS, did his breakfast, washed him, dressed him, spent the whole day looking after him, took him to the park, did the food shopping, cleaned the house, did the laundry and cooked the dinner.

Sunday is my lie in and DH's turn. But come this morning and he says he is "too ill" to get up. So here I am. I won't get a lie in or a rest till next Sunday and I am back at work tomorrow. Still ill and I could really have done with just a little rest.

I know DH is ill, I have had it all week. It's a nasty one. But he doesn't have to go to work and he has Monday and Tuesday all to himself to lie in bed and get better.

All he had to do was get up with DS and sort him out for a couple of hours while I got some rest, then he could have gone back to bed for the rest of the day.

I am so annoyed. Arrgh. I needed to vent.

OP posts:
BatwingsAndButterflies · 29/09/2013 08:28

He sounds a complete arse. Why are you allowing him to walk all over you?

Can you not take a day off work tomorrow?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:30

I wish I could take a day off work, but I was very ill at the start of the year and used all of my paid sick leave, so a day off will cost money we can't spare and I have got loads on at work at the moment

I shouldn't have been in work this week but I really didn't have a choice.

OP posts:
beepoff · 29/09/2013 08:32

Good that things have improved a bit but they're still pretty shit really aren't they Catgirl?

You know what he's like and you're still with him and still enable his behaviour so YABU I'm afraid. You can't really be surprised?!

LindyHemming · 29/09/2013 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beepoff · 29/09/2013 08:33

PS go back to bed, tell him you're too ill and he HAS to get up.

HandragsAndGladbags · 29/09/2013 08:34

You poor thing Sad

I have no advice (except kick you DH very firmly in the arse) but feeling ill with a child is the pits.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:34

This morning he will just say "Oh I am so ill..I can't get up..I'm sorry"

He is ill. I know exactly how ill as I have had it and managed to struggle through. Angry

We have made a lot of progress but I am so annoyed he couldn't just step up for a couple of hours this morning.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 29/09/2013 08:35

Tell the selfish git to get up and do his fair share. You've managed to live your life with the cold, he can get out of bed and return the favour.

Pollydon · 29/09/2013 08:37

I have had that cold thing for 9 days now, have some Flowers and a Brew off me.
Your DH is being a git, but honestly my love, getting up and doing it for him just means that he will do it again next time your both ill.
You need to get tough and tell him what you need. If your the main wage earner your health is vitally important !

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:38

Thanks Polly Thanks for you too - it's not a nice one

You are right. I do enable him. He knew I would get up if he moaned and I bloody did.

I must get this "Mug" tattoo removed of my forehead.........

OP posts:
Kahlua4me · 29/09/2013 08:40

Could you stay up with ds until about 10ish and then insist that dh gets up and you go back to bed for a while. Even if you leave it until 2 so lunch is all sorted so that he only has to care for ds not cook.

Then you will get the rest you need before going back to work tomorrow. Shame that you had to get up though as he should have managed

mysticminstrel · 29/09/2013 08:41

You write about this chump taking the piss out of you all the time.

Stop being annoyed and do something about it. Give DS to him and go back to bed.

Then think about leaving him.

Glowbuggy · 29/09/2013 08:42

You know, you have started LOADS of threads in here about your husband. The answers were unanimous. Your husband is an utter utter cunt.

Yet you're still there, still moaning. Have you not taken ANYONE'S advice?
Sorry your sick but honestly, grow some fucking balls or LTB and stop trying to get all this sympathy from mumsnet AGAIN.

Go back to bed and get that useless prick up to look after his child.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:43

DS will have a nap around 11am.

I'm going back to bed then and telling DH to get up and that he can sort DS out for the rest of the day and sort lunch and dinner while I get some rest.

OP posts:
Glowbuggy · 29/09/2013 08:43

X post mystic!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:45

I have taken a lot of advice Glow

Which is why DH is now getting treatment for his depression, we have been to Relate, he is now pulling his weight around the house and looking for a job. None of which has been easy to get to.

I posted because I am tired, feeling ill and a bit fed up and needed to vent.

I am sorry if I have used up my posting limit. :(

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 29/09/2013 08:45

You are not being unreasonable and I don't understand why you say you are in the title.

He's being a dick. You say he's improving but this morning just shows he has a long way to go. He's being extremely selfish to not let you have a lie in, after the week you've had. Sad

ExcuseTypos · 29/09/2013 08:47

Catgirl you can post as much as you like.

glow that's a really mean thing to say actually.

ExcuseTypos · 29/09/2013 08:48

Sorry I misread your title! You know you aren't being unreasonable.

Pinupgirl · 29/09/2013 08:48

Don't you see catgirl that people get pissed off because they can see what you seem to refuse to-he hasn't changed one bit! He is still a hige arse and Im sorry but being depressed doesn't excuse his shitty behaviour to you in the past.

You could do so much better,you really could.

Pachacuti · 29/09/2013 08:49

If the DH can argue that he's the primary carer, he's quite likely to get custody of the DS, though -- so advising OP to leave him at this point could backfire.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 29/09/2013 08:50

Thanks Excuse

I meant to put Not in the title Blush

I am working really hard on things with DH. I feel like I can't post about stuff now without just getting "Well, you've posted about him being a twunt before and you haven't left him, so what do you expect"

He does have a long way to go, but the progress we have made has been hard won and helped a lot by MN advice and support.

OP posts:
mysticminstrel · 29/09/2013 08:53

Just kick him out of bed. Now.

He's got tomorrow and Tuesday to recover.

He doesn't sound like he respects you or even cares about you, tbh. If you keep starting threads about the utter disregard he treats you with people will keep telling you this stuff.

Get him out of bed now.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/09/2013 08:53

Catgirl of course you can keep posting.

It does show though that the changes are only surface ones. Underneath he is still putting himself first.

Why is he still not dealing with your DS in the mornings?

Glowbuggy · 29/09/2013 08:54

I'm not mean, catgirls husband is mean.