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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.....to think that a selective school should not allow..

102 replies

curlew · 28/09/2013 11:50

A " chav themed" fancy dress party?

Well, no school should, obviously. But a selective school with an overwhelmingly middle class demographic particularly so, surely????

OP posts:
everlong · 28/09/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 28/09/2013 23:53

No school should tolerate this but I do think it's even worse in a selective school because (broadly speaking) it's the haves sneering at the have-nots.

manicinsomniac · 29/09/2013 02:44

YANBU, that is vile and tasteless. I'm glad the teachers didn't think it up but they should also have stopped it.

When I was at university 'Chavs and Rahs' was a very common party theme. I was never brave enough to say I thought it was disgusting but did always choose to dress as a 'rah' (pashmina, messy bun, dangly earrings, tight jeans, designer wooly jumper, boots and gilet type outfit) as it felt less offensive to mock privilege than deprivation (the common interpretation people put onto 'chav') One girl I knew even came to one of these with a baby bump and a doll in a pushchair along with her tracksuit, bling and gelled ponytail.

This was a horrid theme often used at a university that was, by and large, full of the very privileged. I'd like to think things have changed but I doubt it.

BrianTheMole · 29/09/2013 02:52

That is disgusting. I would raise the issue with the school. Fwiw its worth my dc go to a selective school. If their school went ahead and did something like that, then I would firstly complain and hope they sorted their act out, and if they didn't, then I would seriously consider finding another school. I would not want my dc growing up with those values Angry That is completely unacceptable.

AKAK81 · 29/09/2013 07:49

AKAis it just "chavs" that you don't mind teachers singling out for children to make fun of? Or is there any other groups you think is acceptable to poke fun of, as well?

Socialists, liberals, vegans, animal rights activists, environmentalists to name a few.

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 07:59

Bit different to mock people you feel are socially inferior, though, isn't it?

OP posts:
lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 29/09/2013 08:18

I disagree with this completely, but I do love the idea that a school being academically selective makes it middle class! As a former selective school pupil, quite the opposite was true. We were from all walks - I wouldn't have had a chance of going to the local private school (though if you want to see rivalry, look at two.adjoining schools, one with extortionate fees but less attainment than the other...)

Growlithe · 29/09/2013 08:20

Just putting this out there - maybe with the idea coming from the kids, they may be getting a bit of hassle from the kids in the other school, and this could be their way of getting back at them without actually having a direct go at them in the street.

To me, a 'Chav' isn't just someone who dresses in a certain way or lives in a council house or whatever, it's someone who acts in an anti social way too.

harticus · 29/09/2013 08:31

Polly Toynbee says the use of chav has become "acceptable class abuse by people asserting superiority over those they despise".

She is right and all of the "only a bit of fun" gang are very very wrong.

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 08:41

"Just putting this out there - maybe with the idea coming from the kids, they may be getting a bit of hassle from the kids in the other school, and this could be their way of getting back at them without actually having a direct go at them in the street."

Wow.

OP posts:
Growlithe · 29/09/2013 08:42

And that is all well and good of Polly Toynbee to declare when she's had the upbringing she has.

I grew up on a council estate in Liverpool. We didn't have chavs, we had scallies. I wasn't a scally. I may have been known to dress like one, but I didn't have the attitude and the disrespect for those around me that the scallies had.

I went to a comprehensive with the scallies, and always got the piss taken out of me, borderline bullying, for working hard at school.

I'd have taken the piss out of scallies if I had the guts, because they took the piss out of me enough.

And that is nothing to do with class abuse, we were the same class.

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 09:37

Wow again.

OP posts:
Growlithe · 29/09/2013 10:05

What curlew you don't believe me? You don't think there would have been any benefit to me letting go of the feelings those scallies gave me in a safe and controlled way, amongst others feeling them too? No, better to not admit what was happening, say the scallies were being little angels and I should put up with it all because I was doing well in school so had more chances in life.

You are assuming this is a class thing, but you don't actually know what it's like being a child in that area, from either school. You are seeing the kids from the selective as arrogant, unfeeling scoundrels, and the kids from the other school as downtrodden poor unfortunate angels. Life isn't as black and white as that.

AKAK81 · 29/09/2013 10:05

Polly Toynbee says the use of chav has become "acceptable class abuse by people asserting superiority over those they despise".She is right and all of the "only a bit of fun" gang are very very wrong.

Socialist scum

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 10:13

No, i believe you.

And no, I don't think the children from either school are "little angels".

I am wowing your assumption that the kids from the selective school wouldn't have a direct go in the street, and that they might be justified. I was prepared to be told to get over myself and stop over reacting - not that the party was some sort of therapy!

OP posts:
Norudeshitrequired · 29/09/2013 10:22

Curlew - the private school kids used to be deliberately targeted by the compressive kids on their way home from school when I was growing up. They used to get mugged and beaten up, none of them stood up to the comprehensive kids. I'm sure that some of them were very physically capable of standing up for themselves, but they never did. I'm not sure if the reason was part that they were taught not to fight or something else, but they didn't fight back. I think they would have been quite justified to take the piss by having a 'chav' party (would have been called something else as the word chav wasn't used back then).
I do understand that the OP isn't talking about private schools though and is talking about selective schools in which case the children might not be middle class at all.

Growlithe · 29/09/2013 10:29

Well I spent 5 years putting up with crap from other kids who thought I was fair game just because I tried hard in school and did my homework. I didn't have a go back, I was scared. I did get therapy for it in the end because I stopped eating. Unfortunately the therapy wasn't very nice because it was the 80s and they assumed I had anorexia and force fed me.

It have been better for me to be given a safe platform to have a sly go back at them, and to know others were going through it.

Not saying that is what is happening here, but it might be.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 29/09/2013 10:44

Socialists, liberals, vegans, animal rights activists, environmentalists to name a few.

Oh, lovely. Smile

alemci · 29/09/2013 10:49

i don't think selective schools necessarily take in have's. Mine went to a selective school with only my ds there now and my ds says alot of the students are well off. However, some of the DC are very ordinary such as ourselves. It is all relative.

I think the school they go to encourages kids to be themselves and do what they are good at. Its not perfect but where I worked one boy was badly bullied because he was good at acting and was in all the plays. This was a good comprehensive but there was a nasty faction who brought others down as there is everywhere in life.

The chav thing is stereotyping and not to be encouraged.

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 17:15

Some very depressing assumptions on this thread.

As I said, I expected "oh, it's only a bit of fun, get over yourself"

I didn't expect anyone to suggest it was understandable, even desirable behaviour.

OP posts:
wtf1981 · 29/09/2013 17:26

Anyone else think it's harmless fun?! Think Vicky Pollard in Little Britain...people seem to be allowed to take the p out of 'posh'/rich/eccentric people...

MistressIggi · 29/09/2013 17:33

Yanbu. Wonder whose idea it was?

Original poster
curlew · 29/09/2013 19:40

Nope. Nobody thinks mocking people you think inferior to you is "harmless fun"

And it was the idea of one of the children- enthusiastically endorsed by nearly all the others.

OP posts:
soul2000 · 29/09/2013 19:47

The only way this could be worse would be if this was a public school thinking it was funny in a Marie Antoniette way.

The idea to dress up in a cartoon way is a bit offensive, the school should not be encouraging this steyrotyping.

The fact that the school probably as less than 3% fsm they think many of those kids can help the way they are and think its a bit of fun mocking
kids who though in most cases are in difficult situations.

soul2000 · 29/09/2013 19:48

Stereotyping