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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is no benefit in this for dd

28 replies

benfoldsfive · 28/09/2013 10:33

Briefly:

Dd is 10 our city held a "#@$$/$ got talent" show and she entered. She has got through to the final (600 entered and only 15 are in the final)

I'm really impressed with her as it's something that most would consider scary and she has neverbeen fazed.

The problem is she is in yr6 and the final had landed on the day she is due to leave on a residental. The class will leave Friday morning and the competition is Friday night. All her year group are going and I think it is a very important part of bonding ect.

She is obviously desperate to go to the final and I should rather she skipped it and went on the 3 daytrip. There is a possibly that she could join them saturday morning (haven't had cchance to speak to school) but if this isn't possible I think I'm going to put my foot down and make her go.

Am I being unreasonable to think there is no benifit in her performing in the final?

OP posts:

Smoorikins · 28/09/2013 10:55

I'd allow her to choose one or the other, she's old enough.

Is performing something she's like to do? If so, I would definitely let her go to the final, good experience for her.

What kind of residential is it? Educational, outdoor activity etc?

Booboostoo · 28/09/2013 10:57

YABabitU. If you truly think the competition is pointless then you should have said so at the start and discouraged her from ever getting involved. Seeing as you allowed her to take part it seems a bit mean to stop her from doing the final.

Also, it should be up to her to weigh up the relative benefits of the bonding school trip and the competition.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/09/2013 10:58

I'd drive her up after the competition

I think the competition is quite a big deal, not the winning but the experience for her.

You don't want her to be complaining in 10 years time she missed her big chance because of you - far better she loses and has a good experience than not take part and think 'she coulda been a contender'

Deflatedgirl · 28/09/2013 10:59

I'd let DD chose.

curlew · 28/09/2013 10:59

Let her choose.

curlew · 28/09/2013 11:00

Is the residential far? Why not just drive her there early the next morning? I can't imagine the school having a problem with that.

VanitasVanitatum · 28/09/2013 11:01

Agree with can you drive her up Friday night.. Then she won't even miss out on a night with all her friends.

Cluelessat30 · 28/09/2013 11:02

I'd let her choose.

Tryharder · 28/09/2013 11:04

So drive her to the residential on Friday night or Saturday morning.

She's your DD, I'm sure you can put yourself out for her. It would be a shame for her to miss the final. What is her talent?

DameDeepRedBetty · 28/09/2013 11:04

Talk to the school before making final decision. Hopefully trip leader will be happy to compromise, as I would be gutted if I'd got so far in a competition and couldn't take part in the final.

BrokenSunglasses · 28/09/2013 11:05

I wouldn't worry about it until you had a chance to speak to the school to see if you can take her there on the Saturday.

I disagree that it will have no benefit. Some things are just a life experience, and having those is a benefit in itself.

I'd give her the chance to go, but warn her that she will be knackered because it will mean getting up early to be on the school trip in time to join in with the days organised activities and she will just have to deal with any inconveniences to her that going to the final will cause. If the school trip is at the type of place that organises the activities on site, you could call them directly and ask if their induction plan would allow for a child to turn up late so you are in the best position to discuss it with the school.

If the school and the venue won't allow you to take her late, I'd make her go on the trip.

Sparrowfarts · 28/09/2013 11:12

I do think there may be a benefit to be had in going to the final, seeing if she can handle herself as well at the next level and just enjoying an experience that she's earned for herself. It may be the start of a glorious career, or it may be the furthest she ever goes in it, but it does sound like a huge achievement to have got so far and one that should be acknowledged.

I'd have a word with school at least.

pinkdelight · 28/09/2013 11:19

YABU. The competition is way better than 'bonding' with Year 6 kids. But then I hated school residentials and loved performing. If it's possible to compromise by going on the trip after the show, I don't know why you'd punish her by making her miss the final after all the effort so far.

Original poster

benfoldsfive · 28/09/2013 11:19

Going up on the Saturday is the best out come and is happily drive her up. The problem is what will happen if school ssyd no.......

Her talent is singing she has a jazzy voice forwhich for a ten year old is very unique.

The trip is out door Ed and she will love every aspect of this to -she is a rock climbing sports nut as well as a performer.

I think there are benifits to both but would rather see her work on her post this closer to high school. Which is selfish of me.

OP posts:

Original poster

benfoldsfive · 28/09/2013 11:20

**work on her peer relationships

OP posts:

whois · 28/09/2013 11:24

I think I would drive her up as soon as the final finished.

Original poster

benfoldsfive · 28/09/2013 11:28

The final won't finish until 11 oclock at night providing it doesn't over run. 2 hour drive means early hour arrival, she won't have chance to have the h and s talk - no outdoor Ed Centre would allow that (I'm a youth worker). It would have to be 8 o'clock the next morning.

OP posts:

JumpingJackSprat · 28/09/2013 11:30

drive her up.. shes in the final 15 out if 600 and you want to stop her going in the final? very unreasonable.

NoComet · 28/09/2013 11:31

Talent show final, then residential at what ever time is convenient.

DD sings, the confidence it gives her is enormous. To have peers and adults walk up to you and say well done and know they mean it is quite something for a much bullied, socially inept dyslexic.

Original poster

benfoldsfive · 28/09/2013 11:38

Think about it they might let her go for the day and I could pick her up from the ressy in the afternoon and bring her back the next morning. Need to speak to school.

OP posts:

NotYoMomma · 28/09/2013 12:04

yab ridiculous. let her choose. the final is one day, the residential is 3

if you were my mum I would have never let you forget how awful it was you made me miss it.

she will be yr7 soon enough with New people to bond with anyway!

PigStack · 28/09/2013 12:14

Absolutely let her do the talent show - it's a one-off opportunity. By noon on the saturday she'll be in the thick of her fun weekend and the dilemma will be in the past and you'll be glad you accommodated her.

shrinkingnora · 28/09/2013 12:18

Benfoldsfive - that sounds like a good compromise.

nilbyname · 28/09/2013 13:01

Well I think she ought to finch what she started and do the comp. I think that's important and not to bail out because of some "better offer" I think if you can meet on the Saturday then that would be the ideal.

If you didn't support the comp in the 1st place...why did you let her enter it? Think you are sending a bit of a mixed message.

CecilyP · 28/09/2013 13:03

Let her choose. It is simply a matter of choosing which of two good opportunities she would prefer. Hardly worth making an issue of.

I don't know why she particularly needs to bond with people she will probably never see again when she goes to secondary. If you can drive her to the residential on the Saturday, that would be the best outcome. If not, I am sure there will be other school trips when she is at secondary but, anyway, let her choose.

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