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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister should come to collect my DDs?

54 replies

sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 22:39

I'm 39 weeks pg with dd3. My family are pretty rubbish, my parents have gone on a holiday which was booked after they knew I was expecting, my sister hasn't given either of my dds even a token birthday present this year (she's a childless high earner so not short of cash) and hasn't seen them in months.
We both live in London, her centrally, us in the 'burbs. For ages she's said she's going to take the girls for the day this Sunday as DH works most weekends, so I can have a break, dd1 adores her aunt and is v excited.
Turns out though that dsis thinks I should be dropping off the dds at hers, which would mean 4 40min tube journeys for me, she won't come here because it'll eat up the day and she's doing me a favour already by having them (she suggested it!)
Aibu to think that the sister of a 39 week pg woman should be bending over backwards to genuinely help, not making token gestures which actually cause more hassle?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/09/2013 22:41

YANBU

GogoGobo · 27/09/2013 22:42

Wow, she sounds helpful, not!
YAnbu

CoffeeTea103 · 27/09/2013 22:42

Yanbu she needs to be more supportive

duckyfuzz · 27/09/2013 22:43

Yanbu, but she's not going to,change, better off just keeping dds with you?

TheSydenhamSet · 27/09/2013 22:43

Poor you. YANBU

PoppyWearer · 27/09/2013 22:43

YANBU!

PenguinDancer · 27/09/2013 22:43

YANBU!

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 22:44

Yep, I've said I'd rather they just stay here and spend the day bickering in the garden. Dsis is stroppy and says I'm ungrateful.

OP posts:
duckyfuzz · 27/09/2013 22:46

She sounds lovely! Poor you, hope you get a bit of peace.

Donkeyok · 27/09/2013 22:47

She should be pampering you, but obviously hasn't got a clue how to do it. I lived in London 25 years and wouldn't do that journey - even if you survive it physically you will encounter attitudes which might wear you down. This stay was supposed to give you a break. She needs to step up. She needs to be told about your swollen legs, your squashed vital organs and the fact you need to pee every 20 mins. She ibu have the break you deserve. But ask for what you want and need you need to teach her how to help. (should have done it a bit earlier with the presents or dd might will feel a bit unloved) Flowers

Imaginethat · 27/09/2013 22:47

I think you can be the judge of whether or not it is a favour.

Your sis is a bit rubbish really isn't she.

Easier to keep them home.

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 22:47

I'm going to have to tell the dd's that they're not having a fun day with her on Sunday too, which will cause major upset Hmm
I despair of my hopeless family!

OP posts:
birdsnotbees · 27/09/2013 22:48

if she doesn't have kids, it may be that she just doesn't have a clue what being 39wks pregnant is like. I didn't. Sure, you know in theory it's quite... tiring, but until you've actually being pregnant you have No Feckin Idea. Spell it out to her: you can't stand, you can't sit, you have a head wedged between your legs (ish), you need to go to the loo every 10 mins (hard, on a tube), you can't eat, you can't sleep, etc. etc.

She may just think that "hopping on a tube" to bring your kids to her is no problem - which it probably wouldn't be. For her.

(And in answer, no, YANBU)

Iaintdunnuffink · 27/09/2013 22:49

Thanks for the thought sis I know you mean well but it'd mean a few hours travel for me. I'm really not up to it.

Garcia10 · 27/09/2013 22:50

YABU - you've already said your family is rubbish. You know you shouldn't expect anything from her. Ignore the proposed day out and chill out at home with your girls before the baby comes. You can't rely on your Dsis or your family. Better that you accept this now.

Good luck!

expatinscotland · 27/09/2013 22:51

Yeah, I'd just ignore her. She has no clue.

Finola1step · 27/09/2013 22:52

YANBU. Why can't she come to you in the 'burbs, pamper you for a bit and then take your dds off somewhere nice local to you? That way she is only doing one return journey. I assume you are not relying on your sister to have the children at short notice when you go into labour...

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 22:52

You're right, she hasn't a clue, I wish she'd try and think a little though.
She last saw them in feb, spent the next few days posting pictures of them on fb, then loses interest. It's so crap for the girls, they really adore her.
Don't understand the present thing at all tbh, dds didn't notice so I just left it, but it's a bit sad when an aunt can't remember a 2 and a 6 year olds birthday.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 27/09/2013 22:54

Tell her that you will drop them off but that the journey may tip you over into "full labour" (so intimating that you are currently latent) and you will have to stay at hers to have the baby.

That should shit her up enough to shift her arse!

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 22:55

Ha ha finola! No! The thought of relying on her for that is laughable! Our lovely neighbours are on standby for the labour.
I think she's allergic to the 'burbs. We're just not cool enough out here.

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 27/09/2013 22:55

How about you suggest you take them to arrive at about 6pm on the Saturday for a sleepover with auntie and you collect them at about 3.30pm on Sunday.

Bogeyface · 27/09/2013 22:55

Oh and birthdays.....my sister doesnt have children but always remembers all of my kids birthdays. She doesnt take them out because she doesnt know how to cope with them, but loves seeing them (when I am around!) and always treats them at birthdays and Xmas.

Bogeyface · 27/09/2013 22:57

Married I think you had a typo there. Surely you meant 9am on the Saturday and 6pm on the Sunday Wink

Itsaboatjack · 27/09/2013 22:59

Is there any chance of a compromise, you drop them at hers in the morning, then she drop them home later?

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 27/09/2013 23:02

She'll have a big night out planned on sat I imagine, which is probably why she doesn't want to get up and come out to us!
I suggested she come and spend the day out here, but she wanted to take them to meet her friends, which she's done before, her friends are lovely but my girls aren't trinkets to show off!

OP posts: