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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents not having car seats for their children

363 replies

bicyclefish · 27/09/2013 15:50

The other day I came out of the supermarket and saw a couple getting into their car with the lady in the back seat strapped in with a CHILD on her lap (less than a 2 year old) and a slightly older child (maybe 4 or 5 ) strapped in but with no child seat or even a booster. I went across to them and told them in what was probably an overly abrupt manner that they should under no circumstances do what they were doing and that i was taking his number down and reporting him. He told me to F off and that he was 'only going up the road anyway'. Oh right thats ok then, accidents never happen on the short trip back from the supermarket... ahem..a little wound up by his lack of care for the people in his care i then told him that if he got back into his car and tried to drive away i would physically stand in front of it and sue him for assault if he drove into me... I know, i know..
upshot is, he got the family back out and went home and got the car seats that they did actually own but didn't see fit to put into the car..FFS
AIBU or should i have minded my own business?

OP posts:

WinteronPluto · 27/09/2013 21:50

I think yabu. Sorry.

BumbleChum · 27/09/2013 23:27

Visas at I am almost blind and have 3 you g DC. My husband can drive so usually not a problem but there are times I have to take the DC in a taxi - for example hospital appointments when DH is at work.

My older two go in lightweight boosters that they can carry. For the baby I use the sling method another poster mentioned.

I don't like it and feel uneasy until journey done but it is just the reality of life. For us. Certain posters are uninformed and glib and not a little self-righteous.

I comfortmyself with the thought that my DC's chances of being in an accident are lower than most because they are not often in cars. However I know that if they were in one on the 2 or 3 times a year they are in a taxi the consequences could be horrific.

Of course the same is true for every parent who does not keep their child in a rear facing seat until the age of six. But I don't see anyone getting on their high horse about that. . I wonder why not?

Feckbloodypets · 27/09/2013 23:39

Thanks for clearing that Errol. The only reason I brought it up was I was wondering if it would actually be the OP who would have ended up being charged if the police were called in the original post. Would have thought breach of the peace or holding somebody against their will.
I did have a car seat but as neither my husband or I drive it lived in my mums car so taxis in emergencies, we did not use one and I also used a huge amount of buses while DS was a baby and never even thought about it then.

PrimalLass · 27/09/2013 23:43

I have called the police before about a family (in a mahoosive 4x4) who had a kid on someone's lap. The police were there very quickly so do take it seriously.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/09/2013 00:09

Ive been in a car that was stopped by police because a child was in the car withoutva carseat. Nothing happened as they were satisfied that it was a one off, yes there are exemptions.

The car seats were at home, ours are kept at home incase I ever need them (I dont drive) if an emergancy occured when I was out of the house, shopping or walking then I wouldnt have them with me.

Yabu, you have no idea why they didnt have the car seats, also you dont know the law regarding exemptions and taxis. Maybe you sjould just myob

Donkeyok · 28/09/2013 00:39

pirate piano it probably is a little unlikely to remember the whole story 1 year on. (rubs chin)

inabeautifulplace · 28/09/2013 00:58

Am I allowed to feel morally superior because my DD spent almost no time in a car for the first 2 years? That would obviously mean that I care more about my childs safety than the outraged on this thread. Why couldn't those people walk or take the bus, instead of gambling with their child's life by being selfish. Disgusting.

MadameDefarge · 28/09/2013 01:05

oh the joy of joining a thread without being arsed to read it.
I was in queue the other day ( well, at the school uniform suppliers a child had fainted already causing ambulance attendance . I was there with two under fours and a teen. one mum had left three kids alone in a four by four, while she queued, i bit my tongue until she got back into the car, with a tiny in the front seat ( ie, 2-3 year old) and leant in and said very quietly, not wanting a scene, you do know he should be in car seat, whereby mum said, oh yes, but you want him? take him? which was pretty weird, and then said, oh, oh you don't want him? then fuck off!)/ This was one beautifully turned out lady ... I just wish I had had the wits to bring the attending ambulance people over

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/09/2013 01:12

(I've skimmed the thread)

If someone hears a child being shouted at/ sworn at and they post "Should I report it...."
They'll get the "Of course, why do you need to ask. A child is being abused "

Yet someone trying to prevent a physical injury to a child is told to MYOB.

My BIL is a police officer who allowed his 2 sons to sit in the front seat (not together- one at a time) when the youngest was about 7 yo.

I said to MIL "Why, when there are three seat belts in the back"

"Well, he knows the law he's a policeman" she huffed.

"Yes he knows the law and should know better" I replied.
Cats Bum Face

kali110 · 28/09/2013 01:30

I think yabu only because you're lucky you didn't get a smack in the face or worse. Not saying that family was right but You should be looking after your family first, confronting people nowadays is risky.

Plus am finding hard to believe now what with all the little inconsistencies..
Visabat please don't feel bad, you shouldn't, what the other poster said to you was just plain nasty and meant to make you feel bad.

Original poster

bicyclefish · 28/09/2013 07:41

as i've said before, i'm not really bothered about if people beleive me or not, though i am struggling to find a reason why someone would waste their life to take the time to come here and make stuff up but, i guess it takes all sorts!
as for the question of why has it taken so long to bring this up, i wasn't aware of a time limitation on these questions, or did i miss something in the forum rules?

OP posts:

Tabby1963 · 28/09/2013 08:32

Yes bicycle, it's funny how some posters try to impose imaginary 'rules', i.e. time limits on posting questions or use of emphasis symbols etc. Makes me wonder why? MagameDefarge's comment was on the ball too, it is irritating to read posts from people who haven't bothered to read the thread first.

Bicycle, it may be worth asking the police for advice on what to do next time you see children 'loose' in cars.

differentnameforthis · 28/09/2013 11:22

why not? what is the difference? id also take that taxi number and report his arse to the local authority too

Taxis are exempt, aren't they?

Bamboobambino · 28/09/2013 13:44

No time limit on when you can bring things up no, but it is odd to state it was 'the other day' and then change this to ' some years ago' This leads one to think that the only reason the OP has brought it up NOW is some sort of need for a validation fix or virtual pay on the back!

Bamboobambino · 28/09/2013 13:44

Pat not pay.

Talkinpeace · 28/09/2013 13:50

Harrythehungryhippo
It was a one off emergency and the children were restrained to the best possible way in the car - which was actually built before ANY seatbelts were compulsory so I'd have been legal to drive it like that.

Donkeyok · 28/09/2013 14:01

A time limit no but memory can play tricks and there are inconsistencies in thread which MN ers are devoting their time to working out AYBU.

elah11 · 28/09/2013 14:13

To the posters who said I was being nasty and low to point out a baby is much safer in a car seat no matter what the circumstances, seriously??? Is that not true?
I was not saying it to make Visabat feel bad (as I pointed out already!), I was simply saying no matter what the circumstances a baby/child is safer in a car seat and that is a scientifically tested and proven fact and I fail to understand why anyone would think stating that is mean or low!

BumbleChum · 28/09/2013 14:49

Slab do you/did you keep your children in an extended rear facing car seat until the age of six? It is not a legal requirement but has been unequivocally proven to be five times safer than forward facing.

If not - do you consider that a parenting failure on your part?

Genuine question.

BumbleChum · 28/09/2013 14:50

Élan - not slab sorry!

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/09/2013 15:29

But the poster had already said her guide dog wont work with a travel system, so if they are out and about and for some reason need to call a taxi they wont have a carseat with them.

Yet you still see the need to point out that the baby would be safer in a carseat when you've already been told it is physically impossible for them to manage it.

CommanderShepard · 28/09/2013 16:41

Big difference between 'the other day' and 'a year ago', though. Why post now?

Crowler · 28/09/2013 17:18

If not - do you consider that a parenting failure on your part?

Very interesting question.

I think there's a bit of hysteria in this thread. I put my kids in carseats. I think they're a great invention. That said, I have never hesitated to hold them on my lap in a taxi ride, let my friends put them in their backseat for the odd carpool, etc.

It's just a calculated risk, like many others I take in my life (and my kids').

BrianTheMole · 28/09/2013 18:44

To the posters who said I was being nasty and low to point out a baby is much safer in a car seat no matter what the circumstances, seriously???

its the way you put it across. With your previous posts littered with words such as careless, neglectful, bad parenting. Is there really any need for that? I have used taxi's without a car seat when there has been emergencies. The risk was weighed up and the taxi was the best option. Visabat has already weighed up her options and said she will use a sling in a taxi. Which isn't a bad alternative in her situation.
So if you haven't got anything useful, pleasant or constructive to say, why say anything at all?

friday16 · 28/09/2013 20:10

To the posters who said I was being nasty and low to point out a baby is much safer in a car seat no matter what the circumstances

Car travel: one death per 6.5 billion kilometers travelled

Bus/Coach travel: ~0.4 deaths per billion kilometers travelled
Rail deaths: ~0.5 deaths per billion kilometers travelled.

It's about ten times more dangerous to travel by car than it is by rail, bus or coach. So why would any responsible parent drive, when they would be ten times safer making the same journey by train, bus or car?

Which is why smug sanctimony about car seats is just a load of hot air. Cars are an order of magnitude more dangerous than public transport, even will all modern safety precautions. They're also a lot more convenient. Parents have already made the decision to risk their child with a ten times higher risk every time they get in their car. Instead of shouting about car seats, the OP, who is exposing her children to a ten times higher risk every time she drives, should sell her car and buy a bus pass.

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