Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not disclose my sexual history?

134 replies

fll28 · 27/09/2013 06:12

I have never told my DH how many other people there were before him. He has asked a few times but I usually fob him off. AIBU? Have you shared all with your partner?

OP posts:
SourSweets · 27/09/2013 06:15

Pfft, no YANBU. It's your past, it's nothing to do with him and he should respect that.

I have told my husband but only because I felt comfortable doing so, if I didn't then I wouldn't.

Sangelina · 27/09/2013 06:15

No, I haven't and nor has he; we never asked. Its all in the past and not important to us.

MisselthwaiteManor · 27/09/2013 06:17

YANBU, your sexual history is irrelevant to your current relationship.

Crowler · 27/09/2013 06:38

I think a lady is entitled to keep this all to herself if she wishes. Just carry on fobbing him off.

MammaTJ · 27/09/2013 06:40

YANBU!!

HairyGrotter · 27/09/2013 07:09

YANBU, I've never kept a tally, I have a rough ball park figure but it's no ones business.

Xiaoxiong · 27/09/2013 07:25

YANBU. Need to know only (eg. If an STD is involved that could affect your current partner).

NicholasTeakozy · 27/09/2013 07:26

YANBU at all. I don't understand why so many people fixate on things like this. What's more important is the present, surely?

SoupDragon · 27/09/2013 07:27

I think a lady is entitled to keep this all to herself if she wishes

I think a person is entitled to keep it to themselves :)

YANBU. Why would he want to know?

raisah · 27/09/2013 07:29

Has he told you hence the questions? Really none of his business and it is going to eat him either way because he has already thought about it.

AnyFucker · 27/09/2013 07:30

My H and I haven't shared our sexual histories either.

He's never asked. Why would he ?

If your bloke asks again, I would consider it pressurising and tell him to wind his neck in. Absolutely none of his business.

UrethraFranklin · 27/09/2013 07:34

YANBU. I told a previous partner how many others I had been with and it got at him for the whole relationship (for the record, not that many but considerably more than his tally of 1 other person) it just added to that beautiful fountain of jealousy Hmm

Keep it to yourself, if that's what you want. Since then, I haven't told anyone, there's no need in majority of cases.

doorchairsettee · 27/09/2013 07:37

I think you are being unreasonable yes.

But then I am not ashamed of my past and have enough morals to have only slept with 2 people both of which I was deeply in love with.

SoupDragon · 27/09/2013 07:41

"morals" LOL - Are you Victorian?

JCDenton · 27/09/2013 07:41

Keep it to yourself. I never ask these things. Chris Rock had a hilarious routine on this, there's no answer your partner can give that's a good one!

'Two? TWO? I guess that's how was raised!'

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2013 07:41

well, as DH and I have only ever slept with each other, this does not apply to us, but I certainly think honesty very important and if asked outright, there should be no fobbing off/lying involved.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 27/09/2013 07:43

We haven't asked each other.
I know we both clocked up plenty before we got together but it's irrelevant
Nothing immoral about just shagging for fun, eitherHmm in fact I would say it used to be a hobby. like canoeing or somethingGrin

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2013 07:43

you don't have to be victorian to have a "moral" code that just happens to differ from what society sees as "normal"

Snapespeare · 27/09/2013 07:44

He hasn't asked, I haven't told him. I'm not remotely interested in who he has slept with before meeting me. I think the only disclosure should be in relation to non-curable STDs.

SoupDragon · 27/09/2013 07:45

you don't have to be victorian to have a "moral" code that just happens to differ from what society sees as "normal"

The comment made wasn't about a moral code though was it? It was judgemental shit about having "enough morals".

tumbletumble · 27/09/2013 07:45

I think it's a pretty normal question to ask your partner - not the gory details though! I've never lied about it and would feel a bit Hmm if my partner refused to tell me. I don't mind if it's loads!

Sockywockydoodah · 27/09/2013 07:46

Ha - SoupDragon wins the thread :o

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2013 07:47

would people really not mind getting involved with someone who had slept with 1000s of people? you'd happily assume it was more like 5 or 10? and that these had all been safe?

not everyone practices safe sex, not everyone can even remember who they did what with and what protection they used.

unless you get every new partner tested for STIs, its a risky business

HairyGrotter · 27/09/2013 07:48

I have a decent moral code, but also like fucking men. You CAN have both, I'm atheist, I have no strict morals on what I want to do with my body.

Loosen up, it's fun to enjoy yours and other peoples bodies in a consenting sweaty manner!

marriedinwhiteisback · 27/09/2013 07:49

But shouldn't it be simpler than that. DH and I know of principal partners before we met. We met through mutual friends - we would both have known if either had had a reputation for being a bit free.