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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I probably am just for asking the question - but how is this possible??

45 replies

moominmarvellous · 25/09/2013 10:27

I have a friend of a friend who is on Instagram and every week there is a photograph of her latest purchase.

Last week a brand new travel system for her 9 month old daughter (her winter look apparently).

This week watch/bangle/earrings and necklace set entitled My New White Gold Jewellery. Previously it's various new shoes/bags/outfits for nights out.

She doesn't work.

She gets no maintenance from her DD's father.

She has a brand new build flat kitted out with brand new furniture and accessories.

She has told me previously that her daughter never wears the same outfit twice.

I don't begrudge her a decent life at all, I don't feel she doesn't deserve decent things - I think everyone does! But just how is this possible?

DH & I both work, struggle to afford childcare so we can both bring in an income and there is just no way I could afford seasonal buggies for my child or sets of expensive accessories for myself. My fridge is largely bare even after my weekly shop as I buy purely essentials/meal ingredients. We're not big holiday people, last three years have been long weekends in the UK, so I'm not spending in other areas.

I like the girl, and have no ulterior motive here. Blocking her from Instagram will mean I wont give it anymore thought, but doesn't answer the question, from a mathematical and logical point of view - how is it possible?

OP posts:
Norudeshitrequired · 25/09/2013 10:32

Maybe the pram is second hand, maybe it was a gift.
Maybe the jewellery is not real, it could be just costume jewellery.
Maybe she has some savings or generous parents.
Maybe she is an escort.
Maybe she is into criminal activity.
Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter.

Sirzy · 25/09/2013 10:32

all on credit?

Or she could have had an inheritance at some point?

worldgonecrazy · 25/09/2013 10:32

Either she's in debt to her eyeballs, or she has a source of income which you don't know about.

If her daughter never wears the same outfit twice, she may be putting stuff on ebay.

My first (and rather mean) reaction is that she is working as a self-employed high class escort, earning about £1,000 a week for 4-5 hours work, and probably not paying tax on it. Otherwise she would have probably divulged where she earns her money.

Original poster
moominmarvellous · 25/09/2013 10:39

Mmmmm no I don't suppose it does matter in the grand scheme of things. (do most of the queries on AIBU really?) but I know none of it is second hand and I know she doesn't eBay, because I do and said it was good and she said it wasn't her thing. I do know things about her on which I base the question so no inheritance etc and she's not an escort, she's too innocent for any of that.

I just find it hard to believe that a life on benefits leaves so much disposable income. I'm not saying it should leave none, but such a high level.

OP posts:
SkinnybitchWannabe · 25/09/2013 10:39

Because life is shit sometimes.
Ive always said the more you do the less you get.
None of my OH family work, he's one of six children so Ive got first hand experience of how wrong the system is.
His sister is always out clubbing, getting her nails done and shopping.
Other sis goes abroad once a year.
Brothers do sweet F.A except go gambling or sit in a pub all day.
My OH works his arse off, but we've not got anything left at the end of the month

Amrapaali · 25/09/2013 10:41

Do you owe her money? Or has she given indications of asking for momey from you? If neither of you are connected to each other with money as a basis, then do not go down that route of "how can she afford it?" Its a complete mind fuck and very poisonous.

What isnyours, will be yours. What isnt yours, was never meant to be. Trite, I know, but wise....

Sallyingforth · 25/09/2013 10:43

high class escort
I can never understand the 'high-class' bit. Surely it's just one who charges more?

OldSchoolMamma · 25/09/2013 10:46

She might be a crack dealer She might have a private income? Benefits doesn't give you much disposable income so I don't think it would be that. Maybe her family is helping out?

Original poster
moominmarvellous · 25/09/2013 10:46

I don't think it will poison me too much, it just seems sbw says, unfair.

However I know that there's a flip side and a pic of our weekend away as a family might make her feel the same way. Why don't I have/deserve that in my life?

Maybe I have a secret hankering for new jewellery and this has just tipped me over the edge!

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 25/09/2013 10:49

i would have a guess at credit and is up to her eyeballs in debt.

benifit dont leave that much spare,

Kormachameleon · 25/09/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 25/09/2013 10:50

The answer is that is isn't possible.

It's either all or the never-never or she has a cash in hand job. Or maybe rich parents?

notundermyfoof · 25/09/2013 10:50

Maybe shes not paying her bills or has a stack of credit cards? Maybe she has a very rich secret partner? I've been on benefits before and there is no way I could have afforded even half of that!

worldgonecrazy · 25/09/2013 10:53

I can never understand the 'high-class' bit. Surely it's just one who charges more?

True. Apparently the escorts use whatever the local hourly rate is for a lawyer to set their fees. Says it all really! Grin

Sallyingforth · 25/09/2013 11:02

And why do we call them 'escorts'? Is 'prostitutes' not acceptable on MN?

BarbarianMum · 25/09/2013 11:02

I doubt it's unfair as such. She'll either be in debt or have a slightly dubious source of income. Both those options are open to you, but would you really want them?

Or she does have rich parents, or won on the lottery. Which aren't exactly unfair either, just lucky.

Fakebook · 25/09/2013 11:10

Ask her. Write a comment under one of the pics.

hiddenhome · 25/09/2013 11:13

She might have a private income. It does happen.

Dahlen · 25/09/2013 11:20

Childcare is probably the crux of it. Anyone paying out for significant hours of childcare won't have much in the way of disposable income unless they are earning way more than national average.

Also, how much are you spending on things like house and contents insurance? Car insurance? Life assurance? All these sorts of things are expenses that can eat up a fair proportion of someone's income. The majority of people on benefits long term don't have them. Are you paying into a pension? I bet she isn't. It's all about priorities and it can make quite a difference to the amount you have to spend on things that give you instant gratification rather than more-useful-but-delayed benefits.

There is no way in a million years that she'll afford all that on benefits though. I imagine that a lot of it is funded by credit. I used to know someone very similar but not well enough to ask. As nothing would ever have persuaded me to change position with her, I never begrudged her frequent remodelling of her home or latest gadgets. Later it transpired that most of it was bought from the likes of Argos (on buy now, pay later deals that took most of the year to pay off) or Bright-house (with astronomical interest), with her parents often contributing a lot of money, too.

Unless you have reasonable grounds to believe that she is defrauding the system, I'd just accept that people's financial affairs are their own private concern and let her get on with it.

UriGeller · 25/09/2013 11:27

When I hear about people like this I imagine they eat value chicken nuggets and noodles. Then I feel quite sorry for them that they'd rather have shallow aquisitiveness than good health. It's the only way.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 25/09/2013 11:29

Maybe she only has the pictures, copied from elsewhere, rather than having the actual stuff?

Lweji · 25/09/2013 11:31

I'd think hooker or drug dealer.

Are you sure the DD's father is not with her?

EllesAngel · 25/09/2013 11:31

Lottery win?

Lweji · 25/09/2013 11:42

Maybe a lottery win, but not a huge prize.

Mandy2003 · 25/09/2013 11:45

Is she on that Sugar Daddies type website - the kind where girls ask for gifts in return for photos of themselves? I can't remember what its called.

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