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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To wonder why I even bother?

30 replies

OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 18:28

Honestly, what is the point in life?

My job is unbelievably stressful, I cannot move in the office without someone coming to me a problem. I work from 7am until Midnight to keep up with work. I work most weekends too.

I've just been slammed with another car fault (which could potentially cost thousands) this is 3 weeks after spending £1000, 2 weeks before that I spent £260 on new brakes the week before that was £250 on new tyres.

At the end of the month I have £6000 of savings to pay out.

I'm having heart palpitations because I'm so stressed, honestly what the fuck is the point in life?! I really do not know!

If the end result is death, why not just skip there now, this is all a waste of time and effort?!

I'm so bloody fed up of this continual uphill struggle.

AIBU to just think death is the easier option? Is it unreasonable to just say 'I give up, I can't do this anymore'?

Is it really worth it?! I do not think so.

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 24/09/2013 18:34

Your post is very worrying.

I suggest you book and see your GP ASAP.

Jolleigh · 24/09/2013 18:38

Get to the GP and get yourself signed off for a bit. You need some time to reassess...your life as it is clearly isn't doing your mental health any good. Work out the life you want vs what you have...then work out how to get it.

I promise there are things you can do to make yourself feel better.

All the best. Thanks

KatieScarlett2833 · 24/09/2013 18:41

Love you are stressed to hell. Been there, not pretty Hmm
You have to stop now. Time off and GP immediately. This is not good.

MariaLuna · 24/09/2013 18:48

There's no way someone can work 7 a.m. until midnight without a fall out.

Please see your GP and sign off work.

No job is worth this. Believe me.

KittensoftPuppydog · 24/09/2013 19:04

So sorry you feel like that. Just stop. Go to your go and get signed off.
When you feel really ready, look for another job.
All the best.

Maggietess · 24/09/2013 19:07

Op I couldn't read and not post. Please please leave work now and pick up the phone to talk to someone, be it a friend, a family member, the out of hours gp, a support line.

Please talk to someone. No job is worth that much stress, I know money problems can be horrific so don't do this on your own. Get help and do it now.

It WILL be worth it, you just need to step back from work and talk to someone.

Topseyt · 24/09/2013 19:09

No-one at all can work those hours without suffering. It just isn't possible. You are making yourself ill.

Please go to your GP. You need help.

Original poster
OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 19:09

There would be no point, I would go back to even more work and I would feel even worse than I do now.

The people I work with wouldn't be able to take over the work I do, they would just fuck it all up and I'd have to cope with the mistakes on my return.

I can't even take a 1 day off without people calling my personal mobile for help.

I've already addressed it with work and asked for support and I get told "there isn't a budget" "things will get quieter"

To be honest, I just really do not see the point in putting all this effort into life, when the outcome is the same. It just seems like such a waste of time.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 24/09/2013 19:13

They will only realise just how much work you do if you take some time off now and leave them to it.

Call their bluff. See your GP and get signed off with stress. Tell your employer that the lack of support and proper resources at work is the main contributing factor, and things just cannot continue in this vein.

Really, you are working yourself to the point of burn-out, and it is dangerous.

stardusty5 · 24/09/2013 19:15

It's important that you speak to someone who doesn't have a vested interest in you being at work- your place of work will simply HAVE to manage without you. No job is worth making you feel like this.

You have every right to be happy and relaxed.

Jolleigh · 24/09/2013 19:17

OP - if you take a long term absence due to stress your employer will have no choice but to redistribute the work. Set your alarm to call the docs 1st thing, tell your employer you're sick and turn off your phone.

Nora2012 · 24/09/2013 19:40

OP you can't go on feeling like this, is there anyone you can talk to and get it all off your chest. Speak to someone who's not from work to try and get it back in to perspective and then write down all the things you have to do and go to your boss with suggestions on what you could delegate. You can't go on like this and they must realise you can't continue to give all of this time and effort. You really do need a shoulder to cry in, don't keep this bottled up, no one should feel this way. There's much to see and do in life and not all work.

McNewPants2013 · 24/09/2013 20:16

www.gov.uk/maximum-weekly-working-hours/overview

have you written to say you will work over 48 hours a week

MNHQ
JulieMumsnet · 24/09/2013 21:56

Evening.

Thank you to those who have contacted us about this thread.

We're so sorry to read this thread and second the excellent advice that you've been given here, OhWhy. We have a list of useful places that you get in touch with in real life who can give you support and help.

We're wishing you well Thanks

badbride · 24/09/2013 22:05

Dear OP,

Honestly, what is the point in life?

The point in life is to live it to the full; to "drink life to the lees" as Tennyson put it. Not drive yourself into an early grave working for what sounds like an badly-managed department.

To live life to the full, you need to be in charge of your work. At the moment, your work is in charge of you. This must change.

Have you got a job description? If so, find it and check what it says. Then if I were in your shoes, I would make a pact with myself to only do the work and the hours I was contracted to do.

This may involve prioritising some tasks and simply not doing the rest. So what if your work piles up? If you are working competently and diligently and fulfilling the hours stipulated in your contract, it really isn't your problem. It's your manager's problem.

At the moment, you are enabling your employer to get away with not managing your workload appropriately. Stop enabling them, and they will have to take action. And if there really is "no budget" to give you the support you need, I'd start looking around for a new job, pronto.

So go home on Friday and DO NO WORK over the weekend. Turn off your mobile. Go for a walk somewhere nice/ meet some friends and remind yourself why life is good.

All IMHO, of course ;)

Original poster
OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 22:33

Thank you all for your advice. I've had some time to calm down since my first (rather ranty and hysterical post) The car nearly exploding on the motorway home this evening left me just a bit shaken.

If I read this thread, honestly, I would tell you exactly what you are telling me. It's just not as easy to act on the advice, in real life. I think work will get easier and I will be able to come home in the evening and not be watching TV, eating dinner and responding to emails at the same time as listening to DH about his day.

I'm not suicidal, as I imagine that's how it came across. Sometimes that does seem like a 'way out'. Most if the time its me just genuinely thinking what is the point of all this?! It just seems that life is very very hard at times and it just grinds me down.

I hope I haven't caused you all any concern... That really wasn't my intention. It's just the rumblings of a woman at the end of her tether, yet again.

OP posts:
JCDenton · 24/09/2013 22:39

I'm glad you're not feeling suicidal but even so, your work situation is unfair and unsustainable. Sign off. My old boss had to do this for anything to get done, try and do everything and work will happily let you run yourself ragged.

Original poster
OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 22:46

I know, I couldn't do it though, I'm the only one who does my job in the whole company. The stress of how badly things would go wrong while I was away would exasperate my current situation. I may see my GP about the heart palpitations, that is new and quite a concern.

OP posts:
stardusty5 · 24/09/2013 22:48

Good to hear back from you OP. I do hope that you take some advice and step off the rollercoaster for a bit. When work is getting me down, i always try to remember that saying about 'nobody's headstone ever reads "i wish i spent more time at the office"'.
No job is more important than your health and wellbeing.

KrissyNorthants · 24/09/2013 23:00

Hey, life gets on top of me sometimes but thankfully not all year round. Do think you need to confide in someone at work and share your workload. I also have heart palpitations and a full on work/life schedule, although work is not as full on as yours. Don't continue like this, something's gotta give and you don't want that to be your mental stability. You need to look out for no1. Enough is enough. You are strong. Regain your personal life.

Original poster
OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 23:09

Another colleague and I are in a very similar position just different roles and we talk rant to each other about it.

I tell DH and he listens (everyday, poor man) but he doesn't understand as his job doesn't have the same deadlines and pressure. His job is very much 'leave it at the door'

I really enjoy my work, I just don't want to do 3 or 4 people's jobs. I have a great boss, who does as much he can, has taken work off me, but there's just so much do. A colleague suggested I let things go wrong to show them its too much, but I don't want to look incompetent.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWhyEvenBother · 24/09/2013 23:10

Oh and I tried the delegation tactic and the guy I asked o take o. Two tasks done it wrong and sent directly to the client so I had to drop everything, correct it and still do the original task so I won't be doing that again!

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 24/09/2013 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 24/09/2013 23:27

I think it's very hard to think clearly and make meaningful decisions when you have a job that overwhelms you. I have been there. I quit eventually, but it took a long time to get to that point.

I know you say you enjoy your work, is there another company you can work for that might be better in terms of the environment and pressure? Can you work for yourself? If the reality is that doing that type of work is always going to mean this level of responsibility and hours then I'm afraid you need to look at how this will impact on your physical and mental health in the long term.

MacaYoniandCheese · 24/09/2013 23:32

Oh Darlin'. I had a job like yours once. Almost pushed me to the brink. Just wanted to reassure you that not ALL jobs are like that. Maybe this is the push you need to make a change?

Hugs and Flowers. Please take care of yourself.