WWYD? parents didnt bother sending wedding anniversary wishes :-(

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SO this week DH & I celebrated a significant wedding anniversary

It was lovely & I feel so happy, have had so many good wishes from DH family, our friends etc texts/facebook messages etc

But absolutely NOTHING from my parents. NOTHING! I'm going through a range of emotions about this DM was always difficult growing up (physically abusive towards my sister/moody/unemotional/critical towards me/ etc)

I've felt sad, confused, upset and now getting very angry. very tempted to email or text her asking did she intentionally not send any good wishes for what i consider a big achievement in my life, to be happily married for so long?

she did know when it was btw, she hasnt forgotten, as my sister asked her did she know about my anniversary & she flippantly replied yes, I know when it is

aibu to get angry and should I tackle her about it? or just let it slide, as usual with her crap behaviour

i think you've hot nail on the head, CCsays

i guess I just needed validation from someone on here that how I was feeling about this latest stunt is actually valid, as I tend to suppress emotions so as to not upset her or anyone else (a habit i developed in childhood, I've had counselling last year to validate that it's OK to feel a range of emotions and express them - it's what humans do)

thank you for seeing it so clearly, it does feel like she is trying to be deliberately hurtful

she does tend to do such things on significant dates in my life - eg on my 30th, she invited us over for an evening meal, and presented a slopped quiche (she knows I hate quiche) said'oh i just picked it up in lidl what an awful shop' and plonked a bowl of mushy peas on the table - she knows ai hate those also! Bizarre behaviour! I dont have a problem with Lidl food, but this is from the woman who openly boasts about how much she has in the bank and how much (LOTS) of pensions/investments payments she has coming in each week

eugh

She's a spiteful, cruel woman who is deliberately doing things to upset you.

I don't think you should let it slide tbh, I think you should hop on over the stately homes thread and consider ejecting her toxic presence from your life.

I've just read these two extremely helpful books: The Emotionally Absent Mother and one about narcissistic mothers
I'd really recommend them. Best of luck.

I think it is lovely to celebrate wedding anniversaries. I have always sent my parents a card and my in laws (until FIL died in 1990) they always sent us one. My MIL suddenly stopped sending us cards and when we asked why she said it was because it was the day before her husbands death which was strange because she had sent them for years after he died.
I always felt he wouldn't not have wanted her to do this.

Funnily enough she sent me flowers on my 25 th anniversary which was sadly 100 days after my husband died.

I will still continue to send my parents cards for their anniversary. They have been married 52 years now.

really appreciate your help with this, and feeling better just knowing other humans can see what I mean

i'm letting it slide - it ain't easy, but is the only way atm

My parents almost never remembered their wedding anniversary. The only one I ever remember them celebrating at all was their 25th.

My husband and I are the same, normally forgetting ours. We did pop out for a drink this year when it suddenly struck us on the day that we had reached 20 years, but in all probability we will keep on forgetting again until we reach 25 years.

This is obviously much more about the wider picture here, which is your relationship with your mother.

Oops. I tell a lie. My parents HAVE celebrated one other wedding anniversary. It was their 50th (golden).

OP how long have you been married?

if it's ok i dont want to waste anyone elses time on this one by discussing it further, i'll just let it slide and accept that she is a person to avoid

she has sent a text asking is my landline phone broken

that was all in the text

it isnt, and it hasnt rung

no mention of hope you had nice anniversary etc

would i treat friends like she treats me? No.

it's laughable it really is.

am off to eat chocolate and watch the soaps. should clear my head somewhat

thanks mumsnetters for the support once again

Oh lineup, you sound so very sad :( It's heartbreaking

on the grounds that dh and I hardly ever remember our own anniversary, YABU!

I does sound a bit odd, especially when you said she did send a card last year?

Looking at it from the side - is she divorced from your father? Perhaps your facebook status was actually a bit of a slap in the face for her? If she's emotionally manipulative herself, perhaps she saw your status as a bit of a passive aggressive swipe at her and her own relationships.

My parents hated the fact I married a black man. They loved our son tho.

Of course, when we split up they thought they were right.

Fuck them. Just get on with your life.

Cos it's too short to get fucked up about other people's attitudes!

I know what I did was the best thing in my life, and guess what, my DS agrees

P.s. They're both dead now.

What I mean to say is You have to chose your life, never mind what others think....

It wouldn't occur to me to send or receive anniversary cards or wishes, except in passing.

That may not be usual in your family, but in any case I think you need to resolve some of your feelings about your mum.

Be pleased you have a great marriage - that is reward enough. You don't need a cheer from your family.

All very odd, especially the question about your landline. And the fact she sent a card last year. Did you thank her for that one last year?

yes i sent a card to her last year, have always played the civil daughter, I HATE conflict - having grwon up with her behaviour,I avoid any confrontation as an adult.

we've been on relatively good terms all year, i've been working through lots of things, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and doing that small talk/pleasantries thing when we have to meet up (usually only every 2 mths, she lives 250 miles away) usually all goes well.

20yr anniversary, not one of the major ones, but still a biggie.

today is a new day and I'm just tryingto forget it. she is SUCH hard work.

if I DO react it will fill her with joy that there is another family drama.

She has recently found out something (untoward she thinks- he is gay) about my brother, I knew for a couple of years but I didnt tell anyone as my brother had asked me not to.

of course when he finally told DM recently, she rang me, wanted to know If i already knew I said yes but didnt want to betray DB confidence. Not my business to tell!

She seemed more angry about me not telling than the actual revelation from DB!

families