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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is very strange?

30 replies

midori1999 · 24/09/2013 09:59

There's a Mum I sometimes speak to at my son's school. When I first met her she mentioned how her previous neighbours had bullied her, keyed her car etc and it had all been a nightmare. Then after a while she started a job and started telling me how her manager was bullying her. Then a while later her next door neighbour was bullying her and the neighbours dogs were barking all hours but when she tried to talk to her about it she wouldn't answer the door.

The next thing was that the Mums at the gates of the school next door to our sons' school (both our sons have SN) were 'taking the piss' out of her son as she walked past.

I haven't seen her for a while as we've missed each other on school runs. There sent many Mums that drop off/pick up at our sons' school as most go on buses/taxi's etc. however, one of the Mums that would previously chat to me now ignores me (I've tried saying Hello) and another, newer Mum is chatty with this first Mum and has avoided eye contact/saying hello to me. I can't help wondering if this first Mum has said something to them about me...

Anyway, this morning first Mum has told me that her other neighbours are bullying her and that her rabbits have both died suddenly this weekend, which she finds odd. She seemed to be strongly implying the neighbour had something to do with it. As we are all forces families I suggested she go through official channels to get the matter with the neighbours resolved and she said she didn't have time to ring them and just wanted to punch her neighbour.

AIBU to find this woman unnerving and try to avoid her in future? It all just seems a bit far fetched...

OP posts:
Dahlen · 24/09/2013 10:02

I think your instincts are screaming at you for a very good reason. Smile and say hello but leave it at that.

MsVestibule · 24/09/2013 10:07

Yes, I strongly suspect you've become her latest bully. Or if not yet, very soon.

I don't think there's much you can do apart from avoid her. No doubt the mums who are currently ignoring you will realise what she's like soon enough. It's a shame for her though - she must be a very unhappy woman.

Latara · 24/09/2013 10:07

She sounds a bit paranoid to me! But it's not your problem, avoid her or just be polite.

NotYoMomma · 24/09/2013 10:15

I know someone like this

she quit her job after 2 weeks due to being bullied

quit a course after 4 weeks due to being bullied (of course it had nothing to do with the teacher just telling her that she had missed 2 out of the four weeks and you had to attend a certain amont to pass....) Hmm

I apparently was bullying her and causing an atmosphere

her DHs mates all thoight she was common and hated her so her dh now doesnt see his mates....

luckily everyone apart from her dh is aware of this - its really only a matter of time. she loves drama and being a victim

my dh was Shock when I said I didnt believe her about being bullied at work (to him not her) - I was actually being bullied at work and going through the proper proceedures and had been maliciously accused of all sorts (I was totally cleared and bully moved teams and on final warning)

she just needs to be a victim.

when she turned on me and dh (it was inevitable) it had gone on so long everyone she tried to badmouth me to just rolled their eyes

digerd · 24/09/2013 10:23

It seems to me that as she is always telling you horrible things about your neighbours, she is trying to get your sympathy and putting you off your neighbours. She is probably doing the same to the school mums about you.
Very odd but there are some people like that, unfortunately.
Have you spoken to these "horrible neighbours"? She's probably said the same things to them about you?!

TheSmallPrint · 24/09/2013 10:25

I know someone like this. She has been 'bullied' out of every single job she ever had. I've never known anyone quite so 'unlucky' with their colleagues before. And this woman is no mouse either. Hmm

digerd · 24/09/2013 10:30

There people who are 'picked on' and many others who never areHmm

blueballoon79 · 24/09/2013 10:35

I also know someone like this! He left every job he had due to people bullying him. He told me his parents were abusive and bullying then he walked out on his relationship with me when our daughter was only 10 months old and moved back into his parents home because apparently I was abusive and bullying towards him.

Whenever I discuss anything about our daughters care- I'm bullying him or being abusive Hmm

Yet he shouts and screams at people and tells them he wishes they'd drop down dead but according to him he's a really nice chap! Grin

It's a sign of complete emotional immaturity and I'd avoid this woman if I were you and not bother getting embroiled in any of her delusional fantasies.

Original poster
midori1999 · 24/09/2013 15:05

Thanks. DS (adult) is doing today's school run for me, which means I can avoid her today, but ill just stick to a friendly 'hello' and nothing more in future.

DS had a week or so off school recently due to needing minor plastic surgery after an accident at school and when he returned I saw her on his first morning in and she looked mortified and said 'oh, I thought you must have moved', so it makes me wonder if she'd said something then. I think you're right MsVestibule that I may have unwittingly become her latest 'bully'. Sad

I don't know either of the next door neighbours she apparently has problems with, but I just find it so hard to imagine being so unlucky with neighbours.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 24/09/2013 15:07

She'll likely be one of those who is everybody's victim and if you're not dancing attendance, agreeing with her every word, fawning over her and putting her first in all things - you're bullying her.

Stay away. That's all I can say!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 24/09/2013 15:08

oh, and such people tend to be MOST unreasonable in their demands and expectations! And not caving in to them makes you a bully in their mind.

They are bat shit crazy.

SoleSource · 24/09/2013 15:20

I is perfectly feasible that what she says is true. Judgy much? You have heard of small snapshots of her life, no wonder she ignores you. Is your life perfect then? You must think that it is.

elcranko · 24/09/2013 15:22

I know someone like this too. She's left every job she's ever had because her bosses bullied her, she hardly has any friends because everyone is horrible to her apparently. Well meaning people are taking the piss according to her. She's also the type that is always sick and the doctors are all arseholes because they tell her there's nothing wrong with her and they must be lying or just can't be arsed to find out what's wrong with her.

Don't let yourself get dragged in. Avoid at all costs! Yes, you'll probably be branded her latest bully, but everyone probably knows what she's like and won't take what she says about you seriously.

BurberryQ · 24/09/2013 15:28

ignore her apart from a sharp nod and a rictus grin as you rush past in a terrible hurry - do not worry too much about her slagging you off to others, as soon they will know what she is like.

Groovee · 24/09/2013 15:33

Sad If it wasn't for the forces part, I would say we used to have a mum like this at our school. Her lies caught her out eventually.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/09/2013 15:35

Ah the eternal victim.

Run for the hills. The others will suss her out quite quickly.

Original poster
midori1999 · 24/09/2013 16:40

Solesource the woman in question doesn't ignore me and I've never said anything to make her think I disbelieve what she says, I've only ever offered supportive comments. Of course, what she says could be true, but her neighbours killed her rabbits? Seriously? It seems a bit far fetched. I asked if the rabbits were vaccinated as there have been cases of VHD locally recently and this can kill rabbits very suddenly. They weren't vaccinated and she was unaware they could even catch anything as 'they never went near anyone or anything'. Surely something like this is a much more plausible explanation than anything suspicious?

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 24/09/2013 16:45

Has she managed to sell the hutches yet?

Vintageclock · 24/09/2013 16:47

I used to work with someone like this. No matter what department she was sent to she was being 'bullied' by someone. Some people just can't tell the difference between a bit of criticism and bullying and throw bullying accusations around willy nilly. Unfortunately, they do nothing to increase acceptance of bullying as a serious issue by hijacking the term for their own benefit.

caramelwaffle · 24/09/2013 16:47

Avoid her like the plague.

As Burberry says - a curt nod. If you are ever seen talking to her (even if it's about the price of coffee) she's the type to say you were talking about something else I.e. bullying her

LimitedEditionLady · 24/09/2013 16:53

I have a " friend" like this.She is seemingly a magnet to depressing bullying situations.In every place she has bren,worked,studied,took a pee....someone is picking on her.shes not a horrid person under it all really but i think theres something wrong for her to do.it.She even lied to create a situation to be sad about on various occasions and tbh i was too embarrassed for her to.pull her up on it.Sadly i dont talk to her much now and sadder still have noticed i have a lot less trouble in my friendships now.

hiddenhome · 24/09/2013 18:00

Sounds like she has a paranoid personality and is looking for evidence of this perceived 'bullying' in other peoples behaviour. Her default mode seems to be suspicion. I've worked with a couple of people like this and they're never very popular. Their behaviour naturally leads to their isolation, which they then perceive as further evidence of bullying, so it turns into a vicious circle.

TiggyD · 24/09/2013 18:53

I'm tempted to say you should start really bullying her. She'll find out what bullying really is and nobody will believe her due to crying wolf.

But I won't.

I would report her if possible. She an unexploded trouble bomb. Tell relevant people about her claims before she explodes and you get caught up in it.

And avoid her.

SmallTorch · 24/09/2013 20:08

Gosh I know someone like this from the school gates. She eventually told me about her neighbour breaking into her house to plant cameras and that she therefore had to move. She moved. She moved again a year or so later, then went into hospital a few times.
She's ill. Maybe your one is too.

LimitedEditionLady · 24/09/2013 21:43

Ive noticed my friend flits from one friendship to the next( or maybe the other person runs away now i think?) But is obsessed with this friend for such time.Is this true for anyobe elses perdon they know?I never thought there were lots of people like this,opens my eyes.

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