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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think we should be able to afford nice things?

58 replies

Souredstones · 23/09/2013 17:08

Not a boast but we are lucky (due to MIL giving us her mortgage free house) to be rent and mortgage free. DH and I both work full time at below national average salary jobs but enough to get by and enough for the government to decide we don't need tax credits.

We worked it that he pays all the bills from his account and I pay childcare and the kids hobbies from mine, we each pay our own mobile bills and all is fair in love and finances

So why the hell do we struggle each month?

I've just bought a cash tin and an accounts book so I can track at least my income and outgoings for 3-6 months and have put my debit card in there with a lump sum of money to pay the weekly outlays of hobbies and dinner moneys and hope to keep track of it all.

But AIBU to think where the hell does the money go each month?!

DH thinks I'm being daft to keep track of it like this because he thinks it's just general bills that eat it up.

Anyone else having this ridiculous struggle? God knows how we'd cope with rent on top!! All this and the house is falling apart and every room needs refurbishing as well as both front and back gardens (which is why MIL gave it to us rent free!!) argh! I feel like screaming at the moment and need money saving tips too!!

OP posts:

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 23/09/2013 18:14

We pay for as much as we can by direct debit. Trouble is that only really takes care of the general monthly costs. Nearly every month there's something extra; school dinner fees, car service or mot or tax or bloody insurance. There's boiler servicing, tank of oil, sudden vet bill, it's never ending. You try and budget but it only gets you so far because you can't plan for the exact costs of the big bills.

2468Motorway · 23/09/2013 18:16

LaurieFC

It might not be that much take home if you are paying into pensions etc. Also childcare after school for 2 all month is about 500 quid.

ILikeBirds · 23/09/2013 18:19

I could see some hobbies as being essential, but expensive hobbies are definitely on my nice things to be able to afford list.

Whereisegg · 23/09/2013 18:19

When my dp lost his job I started the cutbacks.
We were spending £30 a month on newspapers FFS!

LittleRobots · 23/09/2013 18:27

I'm with the scruffy house and hobbies camp - but even with swimming and gymnastics its nowhere near 40 quid a week. You could even add on brownies and we'd get to just about 25 a week!!!

There's lots you can do for children that are in the luxury camp. Not saying they're not nice or I wouldn't do them but still luxuries.

CheapBread · 23/09/2013 18:30

Where do you buy your food/clothes? If you're shopping at Waitrose and getting your clothes fom Boden then you'll need to earn more (talking to you dearest friend!) but if you're already shopping at Asda please take the advice above about budgetting and good luck, it may be many small expenses (wine, excessive biscuits etc) that are causing the problems. X

Tailtwister · 23/09/2013 18:30

I know LittleRobots it was a lot! We used to meet after work and eat out a few times a week. A meal and a glass of wine would usually come to around £60-70 so it quickly added up. That was between us though and we were both on pretty good salaries. Fast forward 5 years and it goes on nursery fees!

raisah · 23/09/2013 18:32

Try the money saving website from Martin Lewis on tips on how to save money on household bills etc:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/

I share your pain, on paper we earn a nice chunk but take away mortgage, childcare (a killer), bills & travel we are down to zero each month. It does upset me occasionally that I can't afford to take my kids on holiday but just to my mums but my cm can go abroad for 2 weeks. The money slips away, I dont know where it goes.

raisah · 23/09/2013 18:33

www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/

Bumblequeen · 23/09/2013 18:42

How often do you;
eat out/order take aways?
buy clothes?
Buy coffees/magazines on the go?
Buy lunch at work?

It all adds up. As others have said try to budget. You can look for budget templates on the Internet, hopefully one that is formulated so you just add the figures.

We have used a budget sheet for four years. We give ourselves 'pocket money' and the rest is kept in joint account. The sheet is amended each month to reflect the ever changing outgoings I.e. birthday gift, clothes for dc.

I no longer buy;
Magazines or newspapers
Coffees on the go
Lunch at work (only birthday/leaving celebrations)

It is hard but you cope and moan every now and then

Bumblequeen · 23/09/2013 18:48

raisah I agree that childcare bites into your budget. Dd's first year in nursery, we were paying almost £900 a month. We still had to supply nursery with nappies and formula milk.

As she grew, the fees reduced but my goodness.

I am so glad dh and I took out a modest mortgage rather than stretch ourselves with high payments.

Fairenuff · 23/09/2013 18:58

Why do you think your DH is reluctant to let you track his money as well? Could he be spending more than you think?

It might be easier to find out what the money goes on if you had both your wages paid into a joint account and then paid all the bills and expenses out of that account.

Itemised statements will give you most of the information, the only unexplained expenditure would be taking cash out. But you could agree that you each get x amount of cash out a week and have to make it last.

BeatrixIsPotty · 23/09/2013 18:59

How expensive are your tastes? I only ask because we have good friends who earn considerably more than we do, but we have far more disposable income than they do and they can never understand why.

It is down to things like I am happy with a sweater from H&M, whereas she will buy a sweater from Monsoon. I can then spend the difference on lunch out or save it. When we go for a picnic together we have cheese or ham sandwiches whereas they will make smoked salmon and crayfish salad sandwiches or pop in to Sainsburys and spend £30 on picnic bits and then wonder why they are skint.

They shop in Sainsburys, we shop in Aldi, all their DC clothes are new, we're thrilled if we are given hand me downs. The list goes on but they still don't get why we appear to be better off whilst earning less than them.

I'm no suggesting that you are flash with your cash OP, but could you spend more efficiently to make your money go further?

KenAdams · 23/09/2013 19:05

Can you give us a breakdown of your monthly spends including food?

NUFC69 · 23/09/2013 19:09

A few years ago we started to make a note of every penny (and £!) which we spent and it has been one of the best things we have every done. We did it so that we could gauge how much money we would need for retirement, but have kept it up. It can be an enormous shock when you suddenly realise (because you have the amounts in front of you) that you are spending x on non-essential things. I find it wonderfully concentrates the mind.

Original poster

Souredstones · 23/09/2013 19:12

Our tastes are aldi for the bulk of the food shop and a local market for top up veg.

Clothes are h&m and supermarket with the occasional matalan purchase thrown in!

It probably is the odd thing here and there (I have a terrible haribo habit) that's doing it as the big things are as cheap as we possibly can get them

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 23/09/2013 19:17

YANBU, but I'm surprised you get no tax credits at all. (Mind you, we are now paying back our over payment!)
I know how you feel. It's always a financial struggle. Theoretically, on what DH and I earn atm we should be comfortable. We get by. The DC are clothed and fed, we run two old cars, and two of the three DC have music lessons, which means we can't afford nice things such as new curtains or restaurant/theme park visits. If something big like the boiler, or the whole car, or a window went tits up, I would have to nicely ask a relative to lend me the money. We are scraping by each month. DH and I mostly agree we are fortunate we can scrape by, as many cant. But tonight I'm having a "I'm fucking fed up of counting my blessings" moment. I know where every single penny goes each month.

I am fed up of going to bed, holding DH's hand and repeating "All the DC are healthy, all the DC are healthy" over and over.

And before I read it again on MN....we thought long and hard about whether were could support our DC before they were born. We didn't expect what life threw at us in the last few years.

Thank you for reading my self indulgent rant.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/09/2013 19:20

Assuming you have two children, you must have a decent joint wage to not get anything from tax credits as its at least £32k min cut off for two children and higher if childcare costs. With no rent or mortgage you should have lots left over.

Your version of nice things likely differs from others, you have the luxury of contract phones and internet, £160 to spend on hobbies and two cars. None of those things are essential so all luxuries plus presumably you have a laptop or ipad connected to the internet and many more nice things.

Original poster

Souredstones · 23/09/2013 19:22

It's not 40 each it's between them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Souredstones · 23/09/2013 19:22

And there goes my maths skills lmfao!!

Oh buggerit my head is all over the bloody shop

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 23/09/2013 19:26

Same here :(

I earn good money. However it has dropped a fair bit (about 20%) since having DS.

DH doesn't work so my really good wage translates in the equivalent of two people earning a good wage but even still I feel we should be well off and people manage on a hell of a lot less than I bring in.

Yet we are really struggling

Smoking is the No. 1 culprit and we've agreed it has to go for health, DS and finances, but after that, I just don't know where it goes.

We don't live in a massive house, don't go out, don't have a flash car, don't spend on clothes, have swapped from Booths to Lidl and haven't been on holiday this year.

I am just shit with money :(

LynetteScavo · 23/09/2013 19:27

HappyMummyOfOne I think internet access is now an essential.

We have freeview, pay as you go phones, and really have reduced every house hold bill to the absolute minimum (but are water/gas and electricity/ council tax are still more than most MNetters). We have no Sky, and only have two cars because we need them for work (DH does 1000-2000 miles a week, and I have to drop DC off at school, then get to work. I dream of better public transport ) I would love to only need one car, to the point I dream of when I am old.

LynetteScavo · 23/09/2013 19:30

Oh, and we have no newspapers, random coffees from starbucks.

We do go on works meals at Christmas, and I do have one bottle of wine a week (DH doesn't really drink, or go out. He uses his freinds home gym once a week)

I feel wild if I buy ready meals on a Friday night, rather than cook from scratch. We have a joint income of over £40K.

thebody · 23/09/2013 19:44

you can spend a lot in lunch. &3.00 meal deal sounds cheap but if it's you and both dds every day it mounts up. also magazines/papers. dds also liked a costa after school so look at the little things too.

expatinscotland · 23/09/2013 20:03

Internet access is essential for many peoples' work and school assignments, not a luxury. Some people also need a car to get to their job(s).

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