Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to lie to dp about things I've bought?

43 replies

BuskersCat · 23/09/2013 15:27

he's a saver, I'm a spender, we can afford for me to be a bit frivolous sometimes. But because he doesn't understand why I don't save I just don't tell hiom what I've bought, and if he does I lie 'oh that, I've had it ages' or 'my mum bought it me'

Thing is I have no idea why I lie, he doesn't care really what I do with my money, it just saves the eye rolling and huffing .

everyone does it right?

OP posts:

honeybunny14 · 23/09/2013 15:30

I do this but im a big shopper when it comes to clothes for maself and the dcs but i always say wat i gt 4 the kids but ill leave a few things out that ive bought myself cos i think he.d faint lol

ShatnersBassoon · 23/09/2013 15:33

No, I don't lie about money. I'd rather be huffed at for spending too much on stuff I don't need than be found out as a liar. Sorry!

I suppose he's trying to plan for your future together, so doesn't want to be the only one putting money into a rainy day fund.

Lweji · 23/09/2013 15:33

Sorry, not here.

So, if he saves and you spend, if you need a larger amount for an emergency, who will have the money to spend?

TigerBabyyy · 23/09/2013 15:36

My mother does this, and my aunt does either.

My mother is a believer that you dont have to tell your husband everything.

I always tell dh everything. I do spend alot, but then again i save alot too. Dh doesnt care what i buy, but if we were skint, im sure he would complain alot more on what i buy

Original poster

BuskersCat · 23/09/2013 15:38

I do save some, but if I've got money barely a second thought goes into buying stuff.

He saves for a rainy day out of his wages, which would be split over who needs it most.

OP posts:

Davsmum · 23/09/2013 16:02

You only lie if you feel guilty, surely?

Why would you feel guilty? Its your money - just tell the truth but don't expect him to bail you out in emergencies that you should have prepared for. :)

thebody · 23/09/2013 16:15

oh definatly. shopping is on a need to know basis and my dh doesn't need to know.

it's a kindness really.

Floggingmolly · 23/09/2013 16:17

There's a difference between simply not discussing every little purchase and outright lying. The latter seems extraordinarily mean spirited in a relationship.

Original poster

BuskersCat · 23/09/2013 16:18

Oh but Davsmum he would bail me out, I think that's why he gets huffy sometimes because he knows if something goes completely tits up it would be 'his' money we used to bail us out.

See that's my train of thought thebody

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 23/09/2013 16:19

So it's your money and you spend it but if there's a crisis his money would have to cover it because you've spent yours?

I think that's a bit crap tbh. I think the lying is a bit crap too.

Polyethyl · 23/09/2013 16:23

Spending money isn't the problem. Getting into the habit of casual lying to your partner is a problem. Do you think he lies to you? How would you feel if you found out he was lying/misleading/minimising stuff to you?

DameDeepRedBetty · 23/09/2013 16:24

I'm sometimes a bit vague about how much something cost. The difference is that it would be my money that bailed us out if something went completely tits up.

I think you're lying because you know in your heart of hearts you shouldn't be spending so much on tat frivolities.

LunaticFringe · 23/09/2013 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

craftynclothy · 23/09/2013 16:27

YABU.

As others have said I think you actually lie about it because you know he'd have to bail you out with his money and that's really unfair.

Can't you save a certain amount each month? Dh is the sort of person who would just spend any money he had without really thinking about saving but he puts a set amount into a savings account on the day he gets paid. That way he's not missing the money because it's never really shown on his account iykwim.

Hopasholic · 23/09/2013 16:29

Oh god. No comment

Beastofburden · 23/09/2013 16:37

I wouldn't bother DH with every detail but I would never spend our money in a way that he didn't think was fair.

Even so you get greay areas:

(a) where he is out of touch with what stuff actually vosts; or
(b) where he doesn't really rate the thing in question, so any amount would seem too much.

For instance, I am a "concrete buyer" and he is an "experiences buyer". So I would rather buy a stereo and he would rather buy a holiday. or, he would rather buy a meal out and I would rather buy a box set. This tension is good for both of us and makes us both compromise, but that wouldnt work if either of us concealed.

So- longwinded way of saying- in your shoes I would tell him, and let the conflict make him a bit more prepared to spend and enjoy now, and make me a bit more prepared to think twice about my own spending before it all fritters away.

purrpurr · 23/09/2013 16:43

Hmm, can understand the lying to a certain extent, but also think this dynamic ensures you can continue with financial immaturity and wait for your nearest grown up (rather unhealthily, your partner) to bail you out when needed. Bit wrong, really.

I'm economical with the truth re: shopping because my DH is a tight arsed person who buys the utmost cheap crap available and then is surprised when it breaks. He has no concept of what things cost, despite being a normal every day kind of purchaser. Every time he buys something he's stunned/irritated by the cost, like the staff at Tesco hurriedly go round marking everything up just before he arrives.

I call him The Joy Stealer. And I lie. But I have a whack load of personal savings that I would reach for if I or we were in jeopardy. He has the same.

DropYourSword · 23/09/2013 16:46

Depends more on the circumstances of the situation whether I agree he would have a right to be upset or not, but really it's not great to lie to your partner, whatever the reason.

Justforlaughs · 23/09/2013 16:46

I don't lie, but I just don't tell him what I've bought half the time. But then I don't spend half as much on myself as he does. All my money goes on the children.

intangible · 23/09/2013 16:47

I rarely tell dh how much stuff really costs (taking off 10-20pounds) ..because he huffs. This is because he doesn't really know how much things cost.. remember that thread about how much the OPs dh thought supermarket items were when complaining about the weekly food spend? that's my dh.

He would only need to look at joint account to see the real number. I know he does the same to me! Apparently the new ps4 is 250. quick Google says this is not true lol! ......Obviously those with shiny halos and perfect relationships will tell you its awful. I think there's a fine line between rounding things down and being vague to physically hiding large purchases iyswim.

Mojavewonderer · 23/09/2013 16:48

I don't lie about money, if we haven't got it we haven't got it but if we have more than my husband is expecting I will probably tell him we has less so he doesn't run out and spend it all. I buy what I want when I want but to be fair I am usually good :)

Lweji · 23/09/2013 16:49

You realise he'd probably also like to spend as if there was no tomorrow and to have nice things.
Only he doesn't.

Do you really want to rely on being bailed out by him?
And if he's a partner, not a H, what if you split?

Do save. At least have a monthly saving target that you put away and spend the rest if you must.

AdoraBell · 23/09/2013 16:50

I don't lié about what I've bought or the price, but then I feel I don't over spend and OH has bécame accustomed to everything costing a fecking fortuna here, unless you actually want clothes etc to fall apart after the first use/wash.

5Foot5 · 23/09/2013 16:51

YABVU since you admit that if there is a crisis you rely on his money to get you out of it. You are taking advantage of his prudence and frankly I think it makes you sound selfish and immature.

awakemysoull · 23/09/2013 16:52

I don't lie, I just don't tell him.

If he asks me about something I'll tell him the truth but I don't say when I've been out shopping because the headache isn't worth it. I'm not spending what I don't have but I suppose I don't actually need everything I buy.

I spent £80 on a pair of boots today and he's going to go batshit when he sees the receipt so ill wait until he's in a good mood

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread