to lie to dp about things I've bought?

[BuskersCat]

he's a saver, I'm a spender, we can afford for me to be a bit frivolous sometimes. But because he doesn't understand why I don't save I just don't tell hiom what I've bought, and if he does I lie 'oh that, I've had it ages' or 'my mum bought it me'

Thing is I have no idea why I lie, he doesn't care really what I do with my money, it just saves the eye rolling and huffing .

everyone does it right?

I am somewhat economical with the truth. DH is hypocritical - he buys lots of bits for his hobby then gets the hump when the DCs have new toys or clothes. I am a bargain-hunter so none of it ever costs very much and much of it comes from charity shops and ebay.

His main objection is actually "clutter" although how he expects to avoid clutter with a young DS who adores cars, trains and planes is beyond me. Also his clothes and hobby-clutter are often left strewn about the place. Christmas is always a bit of a flashpoint because DH looks at the pile of presents and assumes I've exceeded the budget, which I won't have done.

What we have done is agreed an amount over which we must consult each other before buying something. Although we each have a monthly allowance and are free to spend/save that as we wish.

My money, my spending, my bussiness.
I have a 'grooming' fund, from my salary, and I'll stretch as much or little as I choose.
He likes me looking groomed, but his head would probably spin at the £50 I spent on my eye cream. He knows 'it's A LOT of money', we keep it at that.

I kind of avoid the truth sometimes - no idea why

I spent a little bit last week on the most beautiful mcQ dress ever I don't actually hide the receipts or lie but the dress did somehow make its way into my wardrobe and the packaging into the bin without hanging around long enough to be noticed

DH does not ever need to know my maintenance costs. He just gets to enjoy the effect. TBH, he couldn't give a toss anyway as long as the bills are paid and the savings account is healthy. Which they both are

if he doesn't care why is he eye-rolling and huffing?

Still - if it's your money then do what you want with it. Shame that you don't seem free to talk about what you buy. DH and I pay all bills between us and then whatever we have left from our wages is for us to spend.

I think DH's eye rolling is akin to my deep sighs when he tells me that he's just spent £100 on a round of golf. I don't care that he's spent money on golf but I just don't get it.

In the same way he doesn't get why I'd spend x amount on a dress or handbag when I could spend a fraction on the high street.

I also lie to my dad who thinks jeans cost £25 from marks about cost of clothes. Again I don't really know why

I definitely lie about the cost of things to my parents. They have NO idea how much things cost these days. It's for their own protection really.

YABU

You only have to read my thread to realise why

soured I don't understand the point you're making

I occasionally fib about buying things, working them slowly into rotation so DP doesn't realise. But then we have different priorities. He's all intent on saving as much as we physically can, I'd rather save a bit less and have a few treats.

Our main sticking point is clothes. He doesn't seem to realise that 80% of my stuff either doesn't fit or is tat that was a gift and doesn't suit me. I only spend about £20 a month, on clothes I actually like, but he thinks it's frivolous because I have a wardrobe full of dresses that only come out on special occasions.

I'd suggest to your husband that you operate a don't ask, don't tell policy for anything under x amount or for whatever is considered your personal spending allowance, to save eye rolling.

I guess it depends on how big an issue this is between you. He may roll his eyes just because he can't understand why people would spend money on clothes because he personally is not interested in clothes but at the same time acknowledges that how you both split and spend/save is fine even if it is different.

My mother taught me to do this.

I would never lie. We can either afford it or we can't. Also i like to do a little fashion show and prance around DH in all my purchases asking if he likes them

General purchases aren't hidden but I don't make a big deal out of them either...I definitely spend more than DH but I also buy most of his clothes. Anything over say £100 I do point it out, for example I text DH last week to tell him I had just accidentally fallen in love with a dress from Coast and somehow bought it .

Yabu to lie.

If you work, why not hold back a certain amount of your salary for yourself before pooling the rest with your dp's?

Dh and I allow ourselves 'pocket money' each month, save an amount and the remainder is transferred to a joint account. The 'pocket money' covers purchases such as clothes, make up, meal with friends, gifts to each other. It is a very modest amount but we need it.

So you spend your money on yourself, lie to your partner, and let him save so if you need it you'll have money to fall back on?

Can't imagine why you'd be asking if there is anything wrong with that.

There should be equality in saving and spending money. If you are both saving an equal proportion of your income, then you should not feel guilty about spending what is left. Similarly, if he doesn't want to spend his extra and prefers to put it into savings, then he cannot make you feel guilty for his choices.

If, however, you are not pulling your weight in savings, then it is unreasonable of you to expect him to put all his money into covering your behind so you can buy whatever you like. The fact that you are lying about it suggests that this is the case and that's not fair on him.