To tell dp to get a grip and grow up

[Joanne279]

Seriously, I'm fuming.

This argument started last night when my ex (dad to dd1 and ds 2) dropped the kids home after a weekend at his.

My dp didn't like the way he glanced up a few times at the window at him (our lounge is on the middle floor on over 3 stories)

After the kids came upstairs, he flipped threatening to punch kids dad if he did it again. Kids were in the room. I went MENTAL! You can have your opinion but don't spout it infront of the kids!!!! Ever!!!!

He thought I was supporting ex and just got worse and worse. I went to bed at 8 to give him chance to cool off, me too as well. Thought we could talk I'm the morning once chilled.

His attitude is even worse this morning and when questioned over saying things in front of the kids he said 'so' !!!!!!!

I've told him to get a grip as my kids come over him any day off the week (we also have dd3 together) but I'm not having his sarcastic shit infrin of them. It's alot tbh. Stuff like 'yay it's daddy birthday' followed by 'like I care'

It's their dad and the end of the day. What me him or anyone else thinks can be said in private.

The ex's new girls friends mum dropped dd1 coat off at 9 last night and he went mental. I thought it was very grown up to visit my house to ensure a child had her coat for school.

Urgh. Is it me or does he need to get a grip? X x x

Joanne, his behaviour is not your responsibility.

Wow, thats quite a message from an 8 year old, she sounds very bright.

Sorry, pressed post instead of preview. Meant to ask have you heard from him?

Not heard from him since 4

I'm so very proud of my dd. she has a level head at 8. At least I'm doing something right x

Joanne it doesnt matter if he never gets it. What matters is that you know You never have to accept his behaviour. And you never should. Not just for the dcs sake but for your own. You are worth being treated with respect.

The truth I have fought so long to keep behind locked doors is slowly sinking in.

He is a blamer. With him, it will always be my fault. I've know this for a long time. Just tried to ignore it in the hope he would change.

Sadly admitting I am now a single mum of 3 wonderful children. X

Better a happy and fuckwit-free single mum than desperately trying to change a pig's ear into a purse.

Still a difficult pill to swallow right now x

I know

Know this. To have raised a wonderful girl who is wise beyond her years and who can express feelings in the way your DD has just done, is no mean feat for any mother. To have done it regardless of the shitty hand you have been dealt by men boys is amazing. Take that strength and hold it tight. Love your children, love yourself. All else shall pass.

He won't change and it will never be his fault
Your dd sounds like a little star. Take care x

Thank you everyone x

OP, you are not stupid. You are not responsible for his actions. I know that you are feeling heartbroken right now, but believe me, you will find your life freer and happier in a home where you are under constant stress and treading on eggshells.

Be kind to yourself in the time ahead. Your DCs love you. You will (hopefully) find support here when you need it. The pain will fade. Check out the Lone Parents board for help and inspiration. I wish you all the best.

Just wanted to say what a lovely daughter you have. At just 8 years old, that lovely message shows a wisdom beyond her years.

Stay strong. You have your wonderful children.

Oh what a sweet message from your daughter. Things will get better Joanne

How are things today OP?

Perhaps it's time to ask him to leave.
DCs first.

I'm in pieces. My heart loved the guy he was. My head think the guy he is, is a complete dick. I was so happy until this shit with his mum :(

Your heart loves the man you thought he was. Not him. Unfortunately the man you thought he was doesn't exist. The stroppy, aggressive, sulky man that you dealing with is the real him..

I know and that sucks.

What Dione said.

It always seems more harsh in the daylight. It doesn't mean your reasons are wrong.

X post.

Be kind to yourself today Joanne

Concur with AnyFucker (the wisest of the Wise Women) - you should namechange and cover your tracks.

Please do PM a few of us with what it is, though.

Best of luck, Joanne

" The way he spoke to you all was wrong."
Oh, stuff that - we're fine! It's how he spoke to YOU that matters. You have a lovely thoughtful daughter and I absolutely agree with AnyFucker (now there's a surprise ) when she says "Listen to your daughter. She is giving you her permission to keep him out of your life now. In fact, I would go so far as saying she is asking you to." Let that thought give you strength.
(((hugs)))

hi OP- it is horrible in the first few days but do know that you have done a brilliant thing for yourself. you have taken the hardest step- the rest will come easier.

has he been in touch?