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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dp to get a grip and grow up

131 replies

Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 08:14

Seriously, I'm fuming.

This argument started last night when my ex (dad to dd1 and ds 2) dropped the kids home after a weekend at his.

My dp didn't like the way he glanced up a few times at the window at him (our lounge is on the middle floor on over 3 stories)

After the kids came upstairs, he flipped threatening to punch kids dad if he did it again. Kids were in the room. I went MENTAL! You can have your opinion but don't spout it infront of the kids!!!! Ever!!!!

He thought I was supporting ex and just got worse and worse. I went to bed at 8 to give him chance to cool off, me too as well. Thought we could talk I'm the morning once chilled.

His attitude is even worse this morning and when questioned over saying things in front of the kids he said 'so' !!!!!!!

I've told him to get a grip as my kids come over him any day off the week (we also have dd3 together) but I'm not having his sarcastic shit infrin of them. It's alot tbh. Stuff like 'yay it's daddy birthday' followed by 'like I care'

It's their dad and the end of the day. What me him or anyone else thinks can be said in private.

The ex's new girls friends mum dropped dd1 coat off at 9 last night and he went mental. I thought it was very grown up to visit my house to ensure a child had her coat for school.

Urgh. Is it me or does he need to get a grip? X x x

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 23/09/2013 11:19

You shouldn't be embarrassed you should be too busy making plans...really, he looked like a twat, not you.

Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 11:24

Just like this thing with his mum, my sense of what is right has been warped. I don't know if its me or him :( x

OP posts:
Topseyt · 23/09/2013 11:25

By "left you", I hope you mean left for good. Make sure of it, as others have said. Pack his bags, put them out on the drive. Get new locks if he has a key. If he doesn't return for his stuff then bin it.

You are totally right to maintain reasonable relations with the father of your eldest children. It is in their interests that all remains civil as far as possible, and there will be times when you have to act together anyway. My sister is divorced, but she keeps things coolly polite and co-operative for the sake of the children. I know other people who are the same.

Your hopefully now ex-partner was more of a child than your children, by the sound of it.

You and the kids from now on, and I should think you will all be far happier not having to tread on egg shells around this total twat.

AnyFucker · 23/09/2013 11:26

It's him, love.

pinkyredrose · 23/09/2013 11:29

He's an immature arsehole. You csn do a lot better. Why the hell was he staring at you and your ex during changeover? Sounds like he was looking for something to get angry about.

Topseyt · 23/09/2013 11:30

Oh, and stop being embarrassed. It is him who should be embarrassed, as all he achieved was to prove what a total arsewipe he actually is.

Sparklysilversequins · 23/09/2013 11:39

You've had a lucky escape though it might not feel like it now. This is all part of abusive behaviour. Have you noticed that somehow its ALL become about you and what you've done? You probably feel sick and guilty right now don't you? Well that's exactly what he wants, the focus has been taken nicely off his ridiculous and abusive behaviour. The only way now is NOT to contact him, you are probably feeling panicky right now but try not to, the worst has already happened. You confronted him and sought support about his crappy behaviour and he doesn't like it. This is not YOU. Please try to believe that.

Buzzardbird · 23/09/2013 11:54

It's him.

Famzilla · 23/09/2013 12:29

Yuk. What a horrible bloke.

His posts made my skin crawl.

Am I the only one who thinks this is some kind of toxic threat? Saying he doesn't want anything more to do with you, knowing that now you're the one who will come grovelling to him now and forget about what an arsehole he is? Or am I totally projecting?

Either way I hope you don't fall into that trap OP.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/09/2013 12:32

It's definitely him OP.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/09/2013 12:34

What's his excuse about the coat then?

Has your ex's girlfriend's mum threatened him?

So he says nothing to anyone when they do something to him but prefers to take it all out on you?

because other people would probably bop him one so he's too scared but he can rant and rave and abuse you because he doesn't fear that anything will happen to him if you're his verbal punchbag. Says nothing to anyone, stews on it and then turns on you about it.

There's a word for that.

StuntGirl · 23/09/2013 12:36

It's definitely him.

Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 13:44

I've text him to tell him to serious consider his options. Told him his stuff is packed and ready for him to collect unless he can serious realise his sense of reality is warped.

Seriously ripped into him. Feel a bit like a bitch but seriously this guy wants to be treated like god while he treats me like shit. Just like his bloody mum! X

OP posts:
YoureBeingADick · 23/09/2013 13:55
Sad

I worry for you and your dcs joanne. This man plays the blame game- he did it right here on this thread and you have just said you feel like a bitch for laying into him- he will jump on that admission and play you like a fiddle pet.

Why are you letting him decide if he comes back or not? You decide. Its your life- he doesnt get to choose how you live it.

Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 13:56

Haden's looked at it like that if I'm honest. :( have him all the power haven't I?

Urgh! Stupid stupid me .( x

OP posts:
Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 13:56

*hadnt not Hayden

OP posts:
KellyElly · 23/09/2013 13:59

You aren't stupid, you just need to take control of the situation. You and your children deserve much better than this. The idea of being alone can make people stay in situations that are emotionally damaging, but when you find the strength to change the situation things will be much better for you and your children.

YoureBeingADick · 23/09/2013 14:09

Youre not stupid sweetheart, your just so used to pandering to him. You need to retrain your brain to taking control yourself rather than handing it to him. Its not too late. Just text now and say he can collect his stuff from out the front. No discussion. You dont owe him any justification for why you changed your mind. It took me a while to learn this too and it is very empowering.

SweetSeraphim · 23/09/2013 14:15

You already sound like you're seeing things more clearly. I think, judging by what you've written here, that this incident is the tip of the icerberg. And good on you for ripping into him, do you really want to be looking after another child? Because that's what he is, you know.

Everyone here will support you whatever you decide to do.

AnyFucker · 23/09/2013 17:37

If i were you I would name change and carry on poisting for support. He knows your user name now and is probably watchign this thread to get as much leeway to fuck up your head he can. Don't give him any more ammunition...this thread is handing it all to him on a plate.

What sort of man uses his partner's log-in in an attempt to cut off her source of support when she is down the shops.

yes, again, there is a name for a man like that

MrsKoala · 23/09/2013 17:59

I feel so sad for you OP. I echo all the others. He is isolating and abusing you. He is furious others know this and wants you to be sorry about it. Don't be embarrassed. He's the one who should be ashamed of himself. Take this opportunity to get him out of your life and get support you need. Agree with AnyFucker - name change as he will be watching you for any signs of perceived 'betrayal'.

Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 18:48

Let him watch. I don't care anymore. My beautiful 8 year old girl just handed me a hand drawn card with the following message.

' to the best mummy ever

I love you however you are, don't worry about (dp) just worry about yourself. Think about the ones you care of instead of the ones you don't because the ones you care for, care for you. I'm I'm one of them who cares for you.

Love from dd1 x x c x x x x x x x

I'm heartbroken :( my beautiful girl knows more about life than this twat. I feel so stupid for putting up with his mum and all the lies.

My dream of a decent bloke is gone. I'm just gutted. This card from dd1 has broken me :( .:( :( x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/09/2013 18:51

Awww, you poor sweetheart. Listen to your daughter. She is giving you her permission to keep him out of your life now. In fact, I would go so far as saying she is asking you to.

He wasn't ever a decent bloke, it would seem.

Hopasholic · 23/09/2013 18:59

Oh joanne I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh earlier. Really this is a good thing, I know it won't feel like it for now but the very best thing you can do is to stand firm and not have him back. You've already given him the 'change and I'll have you back' message. He won't change. THIS IS WHO HE IS.

Flowers
Original poster
Joanne279 · 23/09/2013 19:07

I'm not annoyed at anyone on here. I deserved it. The way he spoke to you all was wrong.

Part of me hopes that one day he'll get it. But deep down I know he won't :( I feel stupid for ever thinking he would. X

OP posts: