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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have lied about ds's diet to these Mums at a birthday party after I saw their reaction when I fed my DS some cake with icing?

77 replies

Teeheeheeheee · 22/09/2013 16:54

I gave my nearly 2 year old some cake with icing on top and a mother exclaimed:

"You're giving your son sugar?!!!!"

So I sat there and lied that I give him all sorts of junk food because he won't eat fruit or vegetables like his sister just to relish the shocked look on their faces.

Then I was asked if I thought I parented differently and was more laid back with the second child by one of them who was pregnant with her second. I said yes, because I give him every biscuit and crisp he asks for. . The woman didn't talk to me properly for the rest of the time and gave me strange looks.

Am I bad?! I blame MN for giving me the confidence to do things like this :)

OP posts:

IShallCallYouSquishy · 22/09/2013 19:49

You awful awful parent. How could you allow your precious innocent child to eat sugar?

My DD is allergic to egg so can't actually eat cake else she will swell up and get covered in hives. If we are in a situation where there's cake and I'm stopping her having any I make it a point to loud parent it's because of her allergy as I think I'll be getting the PFB judgers judging me!

I've got no problem with giving her a biscuit or god forbid today she had a few quavers the little sod usually steals the biscuit from the side of my cup when out for a cuppa before I can even blink!

ZiaMaria · 22/09/2013 19:53

Ooopsie. Just last month DD (9 mths at the time) and I went to a party and shared a slice of cake. I am such a baaaaaaaaaaaaad mom. clutches at pearls

I've also fed her chocolate, peanut butter and jam sandwiches, curry, fajita...

MikeOxard · 22/09/2013 20:03

They sound like absolute twats. Who the fuck doesn't let their child have sugar at a birthday party? It's the staple ingredient of most party food. I don't think I can roll my eyes hard enough to adequately express how I feel about their 'shock' at your perfectly normal parenting.

minidipper · 22/09/2013 20:15

Chunkypickle impressive!
I remember a lovely church playgroup Christmas party once though, when all the other toddlers sat nibbling cheese sandwiches and DS2 mountaineered his way across the table groaning with treats to sit in a partybowl of Wotsits and eat his way out. There were looks then and I couldn't really blame them.

BrianButterfield · 22/09/2013 20:50

My Ds would so do that with Wotsits. He once answered, when asked what he wanted in his sandwich, "crips please". (Aged under 2!) He basically invented crisp sandwiches for himself!

IWishYouWould · 22/09/2013 20:52

Pure genius op! I think you can be my new partner in crime

Floggingmolly · 22/09/2013 20:52

Were they really so stunned that your ds was eating birthday cake at a birthday party?

misshoohaa · 22/09/2013 20:55

Seriously? My NCT group all merrily load our kids with sugar quite regularly and it's not even commented upon. Cakes, popcorn and biscuits are regularly featured when our first born 2 yr olds get together for play dates.

jacks365 · 22/09/2013 21:08

Wish they'd attended our baby and toddler group. Parent run and snacks were donuts, cake biscuits, breadsticks and some fruit. We're all bad parents including the doctor, 2 midwives, childrens social worker, child minder and foster carer but we did have fun and yes the children if old enough got the sweet treats too. I can picture their faces.

CustardOmlet · 22/09/2013 21:08

My 9month old loves ice cream, I'm a little embarrassed and very scared of him when he sees anyone with it, he can move very fast and climb just to get at it. I blame DH and DF for creating that monster!

Original poster

Teeheeheeheee · 22/09/2013 21:43

Haha, I'm glad there are other "bad" mothers out there too and am loving these stories! The bride and the carrot cake is just bizarre!

NaturalBaby this is the first time I've ever met any parent like that before. They were friends of the party mum's sister who is lovely, but these two women were extremely judgy for some reason!

FloggingMolly I think the they were stunned I was giving him the icing on the cake aswell as the cake. Maybe I was supposed to put the icing aside? But IMO birthday cake is nothing more than a boring Victoria sponge without eating the icing, why should my baby miss out on that?! .

OP posts:

Pilgit · 22/09/2013 21:50

some people have such an obsession with sugar! DD1 was recently careering round the park being a nutter (totally normal for her) and another parent 'helpfully' comiserated about the effect of sugar. She hadn't eaten any junk that day so I just looked at her weirdly and informed her of the ridiculously healthy diet she ate that day. and went on to point out that studies have shown that in 'normal' children sugar has no hyperactive effect - being with other nutter children does....

these are probably the same parents that happily feed their children farleys rusks and all sorts of 'baby' foods that have ridiculous numbers of additives in.

friday16 · 22/09/2013 21:53

I sometimes help out selling refreshments during the break at my kids' orchestras rehearsals on a Saturday morning.

There's a distinct group of kids, dressed in nice clothes and playing instruments a cut above the music service loaners, who buy huge amounts of cheap chocolate, far more than you can consume in a 15 minute break. I joked that they were stocking up on forbidden treats their parents wouldn't let them have at home otherwise. "Please don't tell them," they said, not laughing at all. Oh dear, that's all going to Go Very Well when it's booze and contraception rather than 10p Freddos.

starfishmummy · 22/09/2013 22:04

I am a bad mother too. My ds has all the sugar fatty stuff that he wants because he is underweight and his nhs dietitian tells me to make sure everything is calorie laden - in fact he doesn't eat much of it and would rather have a plate of veg and won't touch a chip or crisp!!
He's actually 15 now, but looks about 8 (he has disabilities). You should see the looks I get when I buy him a coffee!!!

pointythings · 22/09/2013 22:12

I let DD1 have chocolate ice cream at her christening in the US. Someone give me a medal? By the time DD2 came around, the bad parent badge no longer seemed quite such a big deal.

MamaLazarou · 22/09/2013 22:15

YANBU! I hope your son enjoyed his bit of cake and had a lovely time at the party.

Sparklymommy · 22/09/2013 22:17

There is a mum at our dance school whose daughter (9 at the time) was invited by the dance teacher to join a group of other children roughly her age at McDonalds for a celebratory lunch a few years back. Her mother went on and on about how she wasn't allowed/wouldn't like "all that horrid processed stuff" an darling R only eats homemade healthy food. She actually expected her child to come to Maccy Ds and NOT eat!

Yeah right! The child scoffed more Maccy Ds than most and loved it. And she is the one who "secretly" buys tons of junk from the tuck shop web mummy isn't around.

Doodledumdums · 22/09/2013 22:23

Well done OP! This thread has made me chuckle!

The women would have hated me, at a Birthday party the other day, my 8mo DS had a cupcake covered in buttercream, and a bit of icing covered Birthday cake! Oh, and he had his first taste of ice cream at 5mo. I figure that as long as his diet is healthy most of the time, the odd treat wont hurt him at all, and will give him a healthy attitude to food.

lavenderhoney · 23/09/2013 09:23

Ehriclovesteamquay, of course I put the cake back! She stood staring at me until I replaced it back on the table. The lady cutting it was

lainiekazan · 23/09/2013 09:32

Dh invited colleague + family for Sunday lunch a few years ago. I did Sunday lunch and then, later, a tea with cakes, biscuits etc.

The mother, who was po faced in the extreme, leapt up and whipped the cakes and biscuits off the table and bore them back into the kitchen. I was completely and then she loomed right in my face and asked what proper food I had to give her children.

All these years later and I still shudder when I think of it.

vladthedisorganised · 23/09/2013 09:41

Excellent response, OP.
I was berated for giving DD a yoghurt that 'contained sugar' when she was 2; acquaintance didn't let a whit of sugar pass her PFB's lips.
The fact that the yoghurt had fruit in it which 'contained natural sugars' was neither here nor there - she brought her own yoghurt which had all manner of artificial gunk in it, but no 'sugar'. Tasted awful too.

As for the nutcase bride - no sharing?? what sort of message is that to give to a young child??
My DD would probably have given her a lecture on how it's nice to share things with our friends and it isn't nice to be greedy and keep all the chocolate cake for yourself.

friday16 · 23/09/2013 10:43

lainiekazan

What happened next? Did you tell her to fuck off?

It's like there's a book, issued to a certain sort of obsessive middle-class mother, entitled "Eating Disorders for Dummies: How to give your child an unhealthy relationship with food".

lainiekazan · 23/09/2013 12:15

I was so taken aback I was stuttering and apologising. It got worse as then this woman wanted to give her dcs baths and I was rummaging around getting "clean soft towels, please," for two big boys. It is up there as one of my worst guest experiences ever.

friday16 · 23/09/2013 12:26

I was so taken aback I was stuttering and apologising

And that's how they get away with it: they believe (and manage to convey) that their parenting is far, far superior to yours, and that the only reason you are doing what you do is because you are stupid and/or malign.

It got worse as then this woman wanted to give her dcs baths and I was rummaging around getting "clean soft towels, please," for two big boys.

I'd have thrown her out at that point. Tricky for your husband, though. What did he think about it?

Original poster

Teeheeheeheee · 23/09/2013 12:59

Lainie, that's hilarious! She gave her children baths in your house when they'd only come for Sunday lunch? Did you have use pure amazon spring water to make up the bath too? .

OP posts:

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