To think PT working is more stressful than FT when a parent?

[MortifiedAdams]

Not a WOHM/SAHM debate.

Friends and colleagues who work PT seem to have so much more on their plate and seem more stressed than whose who work.FT. THe PTers still seem to have to do.most if not all of the childcare arrangements, the housework etc.

A few work shifts and one, when on days, literally does.not see her child all.of fri sat and sunday due to the way the hours fall (compressed over three days). Another has totally sporadic shifts so as soon as the rota comes out, is calling round the parents/ILs and babysitting circle to arrange cover for her shifts.

In comparison, the FTers (admittedly not many), have full time childcare in place, or have a more equal split of the domestic chores, and seem a lot less stressed.

I imagine the reason PTers do fewer hours is to make more time spent with their LOs, but they seem.to have to cram.so so.much more into that time that it must detract from the fun time.

Aibu to think that PT is the hardest set up with LOs?

imho you are confusing cause with effect
maybe they are PT because of those other commitments

I'm part time but I do not agree

we still do 50/50 everything because the time I am not working is dd's time, not scrub the house for dh time.

and I am not a mug.

and I have nice set midweek shifts and family weekends. ft would not be enjoyable at all for me.

Hm, I've done both and much prefer PT. Less stressful for me.

I think it depends on the PT job in question.

I've always worked part time since having children, I would struggle with full time because I'm just not organised enough and I don't really like the idea of having to do housework and shopping late into the evening, or spend all weekend doing the boring jobs because I never had any time to do it in the day.

I think the only difference is that if I worked FT, I'd probably have a cleaner, but that wouldn't help with everything.

You might be right when children are very young, but when they get to the age where they need homework to be supervised every night and they need to be ferried to and from various clubs in the afternoons and evenings, part time has definitely been better for me.

I think it varies on a large number of factors and YABU to think that you can say that one arrangement is more stressful than another.

I work 50 hours and dont find it stressful. The more you work the more energy/organised you are ime.

YANBU

Im sure there are pros and cons to both situations but as someone who works part time and has no childcare help i have to agree with you.

I work on projects which are erratic, will have no work some weeks and then be utterly snowed under the next. I have no family help and can't get regular childcare because the work isn't regular which means i often have to work at the same time as looking after my dcs. Its horrible for them as i need to concentrate but its so hard when they keep wanting my attention, or arguing and inevitably i end up cross. Its not fair on them and i hate it. Then i have to work when they go to bed as well so i don't get enough sleep and can't do work of a good quality at that time.

Its far from an ideal situation and i do envy those who have regular working hours and so either have free and loving help from their families or have a childminder. The idea of being able to work while there are no distractions and my poor children don't have to sit quietly sounds amazing.

It probably wouldn't feel so bad to me if it wasn't for the fact that working from home on a self employee basis wasn't so disparaged but some around me who think it isn't actually a job and go on about how i should get a job and set a good example to my children. Hello! I HAVE A JOB! To those people it doesn't count and for that reason they refuse to help with childcare (they're family who help out the women with the proper jobs only).

Sorry, bit of a moan off topic there!

On the other hand i wouldn't want my children in full time childcare either so i don't know what the solution is. Help from family would be ideal

I would love to work PT or part year but there is an embargo on reducing hours so I am stuck with what I've got. I look at the part timers and think they have it so much easier than me (perhaps it's just a case of wanting what you haven't got). I'm lucky that I have flexible working but that means there's part of the month when my flexi needs to be worked back - so I'll leave for work when the children are in bed and return when one of them is asleep. My weekend is spent wasting time on MN catching up with housework. My house is a tip. I am stressed all the time!!

I've done both, and Having gone back FT last year, I can honestly say it is the most stressful thing I've done. I feel I am forever sinking. With PT I was at least treading water! I didn't appreciate it while I was PT!

I work full time and I can work from home. I would love to go PT (cant afford to) as I find it easy, time to do house work - no cramming it in after work or weekends, can walk the dog in daylight, pop into town to get things, pop into the post office, have time in the evenings to go on the internet for fun instead of paying bills, comparing insurance etc as that is done in the day.

PT for me means life of riley.

I work during school hours even though DD is a student and DS is in sixth year. Kids and I do the housework, DH does the food shopping, cooking, ironing, taxi ing and garden.
My FT colleague is about to have a nervous breakdown due to her lazy arse DH. She can't work fewer hours as they have separate accounts and she can't afford it.
I know who has the easier life.

I currently work full time and am considering asking HR about the possibility of dropping 1 day. I work mon-fri 9-5. I use a childminder but even with the help of tax credits by the time I have paid childcare, rent and bills there's hardly anything left each month which kind of makes me think why bother? My mum is good and picks up children from school 3x a week so that helps.
I am also at Uni part time so 2 evenings a week so get quite tired really but hopefully all worth it one day.
I think the biggest difference is how much help you get with children/housework. I am a single parent so all childcare has to be arranged by myself (ex wont even make effort to see kids lately let alone give up annual leave to help in school hols :-( ) I think tiredness etch is very subjective and I find it a bit difficult hearing single childless friends say oh I'm exhausted as I've worked 9-6 this week. The reality is they prob are tired but try doing full time, studying, housework and kids and see what's easier lol
Well basically I think it just depends on how much support/help you have as to whether full time or part time is less stressful. 1 person having to do everything on their own is a hell of a lot harder than 2 or more people sharing tasks

YABU - have worked PT previously, currently work FT and I would much rather be part time. 4 days, or ideally 3... I am constantly exhausted (have minor health probs which are escalating partly I think due to working full time), when I worked 4 days the extra 'day off' gave me the headspace I needed to feel more relaxed about life, time to sort the house etc. should say though my DS is at school so that was a day off 'to myself'.

I think the ideal would be to be PT with no children :)

agreed!

YABU - I don't think you can generalise from your friends. I work PT, but it is an office job, not shift work. I don't particularly do more housework than DH as my extra free time is to spend with DD. My life is lovely and I would really miss my time with DD if I went FT.

I see where the OP is coming from. I work part time, which on average would be one full day in the office, two afternoons in the office and then working from home in between. I feel far more rested after my day in the office, even if I've done a 12 hour day. Because its an office job, it's physically undemanding, yet when I'm home, I'm fitting in housework and dog walking etc in between stints at the computer.

I suppose it depends on the job - if you have a physically demanding job, full time wouldn't offer you any respite.

I work PT and as a lone parent it all falls to me anyway - full time would be much more stressful for me - no time to do any housework of fun stuff with the kids

Done both , ft much more stressful

I agree it depends on the job. As a teacher, swapping my two children for several hundred of other people's is not relaxing by any stretch of the imagination!

What I find best about full time is not really much cleaning or housework. There is hardly anything to do at home, and as thats the bit thay bores me I like it.

Roughtyping I agree, have worked full time for years (4 kids and am single parent, no family support) I went down to 4 days a week for 6 months - it was fantastic, my children said I was so much nicer to live with!! However the stress of financial difficulties (losing the day a week pay) became so stressful I returned to full time. In my opinion no one has it easy, we are all trying our best !!

I think P/T is still less respected which is a shame.

But on the whole I couldn't consider F/T hours ATM, personally need something which is more school hours and term time based, which is fine as I've always worked with children in any case.
If I'd taken a different career path I might have done things differently child-care wise too.

Like others have said there can be cause/effect issues at play here too, and you can't really generalise as everyone has own set of circumstances.
On the whole women make the best choice for themselves and their families taking everything into account.

Mothers are awesome

I worked part time so I didn't have to pay childcare

It did make it really tough, I worked weekend nights, DH week days. It's behind us now though, I still work slightly less than full time but time off is much more relaxed.

It's never easy with small children, people just make different sacrifices and choices.

Don't know whether YABU or not. I work ft. I have 2 brilliant child minders who often step in to help me out. DH leaves childcare to me as he often works away from home in the week. BUT it took a lot of time, effort, tears and stress getting to this position.
I had to have a year off because there were no child minders available. Then for a year or so my DC had 3 different people looking after them. It was stressful. Finally I now have 2 wonderful women who my kids adore.
I have no family nearby (nor does DH) so I don't have that option. But getting good child care was my priority before work. I am lucky in that we could just about get by with DH earnings, but me working gets our mortgage paid without worrying.
Working pt would be lovely but I would arrange childcare first - which I get is harder if you can't do set hours - again, my priority would be to work the job around available childcare.
Oh and I work during the day, come home, do stuff with kids and then work once they are in bed.