to leave nine year old son at home while we go grocery shopping?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

My husband wanted me to ask. He thinks it would be illegal.

We have 3 boys. Together they are a handful. I can't drive with a broken arm. I think oldest can be home alone for an hour. He will just watch e enough to tv, happy to have it to himself. He is clever and sensible enough to call us or 999 if needed. We can put youngest in seat of trolly, and middle is fairly docile without older brother egging him on. Would be less hassle if the two aren't trying to race up and down the aisles.

While I typed this DH googled and saw that it's not illegal. Now we're just interested in opinions.

[PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline]

I wouldn't leave my nearly 11 year old for an hour but if he is sensible and you trust him, then do it.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

If dh isnt comfortable then we can bring all three. h
He wanted to drop them off at MIL's, but she does so much already.

I am happy to leave ds home, and I hate how DH gets flutered and grumpy, but maybe he just needs more practice.

[SoonToBeSix]

Depends on maturity I left dd1 age 9 she was fine dd2 will probably be at least 12 before I leave her.

[youarewinning]

I wouldn't leave my 9yo for 10 minutes - but then he has SN and takes him 5 minutes to get through a who was where doing what explanation before casually mentioning "oh and X has fallen off their bike and their head is bleeding"

Imagine him having to call 999 in an emergency!

I think you know your own DC and their capabilities - but if your having to ask is there something holding you back being 100% confident in your decision? Or is it purely DH was worried about the law?

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

I'd leave him, if he's sensible. Only you and your DH can make that judgement though.

I leave 9 year old ds2 alone for short periods, ds1 (nearly 11) and ds2 together for longer periods. They are fine, they love it!

It depends so much I the individual child though.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

Off topic Katy I'm really sorry to hear about your arm. Are your clients happy to wait until you're back in working order? It's the worst nightmare of us self-employed people isn't it!

[Birdsgottafly]

Personally I took my DD's, not because I wouldn't have left them at 9, but because shopping is an essential part of running a household and every member of the family should be able to help.

I think that parents of boys do let them off the hook when it comes to household tasks, more than girls would be.

At 9, unless some SN present ( I have two with AN's), a child should be able to behave and help when shopping. Tough shit if it's boring at times, if we don't shop, we don't eat.

I think that this is why many men think that food planning, queuing and stocking the cupboards is something they don't have to endure.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Dame it is a nightmare! I was hoping to pick up more clients to make up shortfall in income. Some of my clients will wait. I am on good terms with a competitor who will take over temporarily, no poaching. Clients will pay me and I will pay the cleaner.

Cast comes off in four weeks. dont know how long to get strength and mobility back.

[Madamecastafiore]

It depends very much on the child.

DS is 9 in a couple of months and I have left him alone to go shopping or to walk the dog. I also let him go in the male changing rooms at the gym much to the horror of some of my friends.

He is incredibly sensible and responsible compared to some of his friends though.

[Morloth]

My 9 year old stays home by himself all the time while I run errands.

He also walks to and from school and plays out with his mates.

He is not a toddler.

[laughingeyes2013]

This gov website www.eastsussex.gov.uk/childrenandfamilies/childcare/default1.htm says there is not a legal age limit as such, but that the NSPCC set out two age limits: 13 to be left alone and 16 to babysit.

I would feel like I'd have to have a really good excuse to justify going against these age recommendations if something went wrong so can see what your husband is saying re age 13.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I think 13 is ridiculous, barring sn.

[laughingeyes2013]

Talk to the NSPCC about that!

[ll31]

Would think 9 is fine depending on child,& from what you say he'd be fine. We do children no favours by treating them as unable to take responsibility..

[ll31]

13 seems ridiculous tbh

[Sparrowfarts]

13 is crazy; it implies that staying home alone is more dangerous than walking/cycling/taking public transport to school. Does the website also recommend that children are accompanied to school until year 9?

Round here, the rule of thumb is 14 for babysitting, but with the proviso that the sitter's parents are at the end of the phone nearby.

[Editededition]

Sorry your situation is so awkward at the moment, OP.

That said, I think it would be totally unsafe to leave the 9 year old alone - which is why the NSPCC guidelines are as they are.
Its never about whether the child would be safe sitting alone watching the TV for an hour. They probably do it often if you are outside gardening etc.
The issue is with the "what if's".
Not just what if something happens (fire etc) in this house while you are gone, but what if something happens to you while you are out. Car accident is the most likely. Suddenly, its no longer about being left alone for an hour.

There are a lot of "what if's" which can be imagined, and there will be lots of people who say that the chances of those things happening in an hour long time slot, are remote.
That may be true, but there is an inescapable "what if" that is far more likely ..... what if your son gets bored, and decides to do something stupid.
Because children do stupid things - its part of being a child.
And that is why children are not safe to leave!

[Editededition]

I have to ask also.... if your DH is going with you, why can't you manage the three boys between you?

[curlew]

Oh, for goodness sake- what possible trouble could a sensible 9 year old get into left at home for an hour or so?

People are bonkers on this subject!

[Hulababy]

I wouldn't leave a 9yo for that length of time regardless of how sensible you think they are.

And if he is that sensible why can't he be responsible enough to go to the supermarket with you all and not wind his brother(s) up, especially with you and your dh there?

[ll31]

Children need to be given responsibility if they are to learn to be responsible. You know your child so you decide bbased on that, not following a frankly ridiculous advisory. Most 13 yr olds I know travel, can be left at home, can be trusted to go out and lock up etc, which they've learned to do by starting younger.

[liquidstate]

I think he will be fine. And I completely understand you wanting to go round the supermarket yourself. I hate leaving the shopping to DH and am still recovering from last weeks attempt.

WRT cutting costs, I am currently doing the same. If you are meat eaters a pack of basics cooking bacon will go a long way and is a cheap way of beefing up veg casseroles and pasta dishes. Pork mince just as good as beef, just add more herbs and seasoning.

One 9 year old less in the car will also save on fuel .

[Rewindtimeplease]

It this's asking why the OP and DH can't handle three children and shopping, read what the OP is saying! She and oh need to concentrate as they are making some fairly significant changes to their diet.

If it were me, I would leave him In the car with the iPad watching. Film and a snack

[Sparrowfarts]

Car accidents always come up on these threads - surely it's better to be home alone (particularly with relatives nearby in case you don't come home), than in a car crash?

[Wolfcub]

I'm fairly liberal but no way would I leave a nine year old son be while I went to the supermarket