to leave nine year old son at home while we go grocery shopping?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

My husband wanted me to ask. He thinks it would be illegal.

We have 3 boys. Together they are a handful. I can't drive with a broken arm. I think oldest can be home alone for an hour. He will just watch e enough to tv, happy to have it to himself. He is clever and sensible enough to call us or 999 if needed. We can put youngest in seat of trolly, and middle is fairly docile without older brother egging him on. Would be less hassle if the two aren't trying to race up and down the aisles.

While I typed this DH googled and saw that it's not illegal. Now we're just interested in opinions.

OP, why not drop them all at your very helpful-sounding MiL so you and DH can concentrate. You've obviously got a lot on your plate just now - use any help available.

Well I can tell you of one very sensible ten year old who decided they were hungry, and thought some beans on toast was a good choice.
Very sensibly made, with no issue, but forgot to turn the ring off......and could have set fire to the kitchen because the tea-towel was also left on the hob.
Parents came home just as the towel was going from scorched, to flaming.

Of course some children are very sensible. But no 9 year old has the ability to extrapolate possible consequences as an adult does. They have "good ideas".

I would do it as long as it wasn't for long and he was doing something sensible (reading, watching TV). Do you have a nice neighbour who he could go to if he needed to?

I have to say that my 15 yo would have been left at 9 with far less worries than now at 15! He was quite a sensible 9 yo, now he gets up to all sorts

MIL does both school runs, has them all the time. Otherwise I would love to do that!

OP - it is certainly not illegal to leave a child of 9 at home but you have to remember that you still have a responsibility for your child and if anything should happen while you were away then you would be held accountable.

Personally i think 9 is too young to be left alone but only you know your son and how he would tackle any potential safety issues in your absence.

Minimizing risk can't be the primary factor. By that logic, we should all stay home as much as possible.

I think our culture takes things to far and it damages our children.

www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert

Get your DH to go alone or maybe take a younger dc if you need him to. He can phone you from the shop and discuss things he sees before buying them. Arrange to go out another time for yourself as you want to get out, maybe a walk to a local shop/park.

Your home is the place where you're more likely to suffer an accident than outdoors, so no, staying at home is not the safest option and an 11 y.o. who goes to school alone isn't necessarily safe alone at home.

I've started leaving my 8 year old home alone. The horror!

I only shop for meals for that day so am only gone half an hour. He's happy, I'm happy, it's all good.

He knows the neighbours and who to go to if he needs someone.

There's two of you ! Surely one can 'mind' kids rather than leave the older kid at home ....... He might feel left out. Having said that if he is sensible , has neighbour to go to and your mobile numbers on speed dial you may think it safe. Upto an hour I would say but you know him best.

I would say that yes it would be fine but in a previous post, you said you'd "think" he'd be ok. I wonder if you'd just worry about him the whole time and get distracted.

I think you are making a huge drama out of nothing tbh. Either your husband goes on his own, with the boys or you all go. Who knew shopping could be such an expedition ?!?

I would leave him.
leave him a phone with pre-set numbers (you, mil, 112) and off you go.
have a good shopping trip!

Dd is 10.5 & I've just started leaving her for short periods of time no longer than an hour or so.. Still feel uneasy with it.. Although I was used to take myself to & from school at that age & stay at home alone until parents came home from school.

It's hard to start the letting go process!

Having read your threads before, I know how much you enjoy your job. Hope you heal soon and can get back to it quickly.

I'd be pretty ashamed to have brought up a NT 9 year old who couldn't produce beans on toast without setting fire to the kitchen to be honest....

9 is old enough to be left alone if you have no other choice. You do have another choice so I wouldn't leave him

So, op, you would prefer to model your life choices on an American book website (on the same page advertising a recommended read for "Kate Middleton ruined my life") - over the National Prevention of Cruelty to Children website????!!!

Probably nothing will happen and it will no ok, if the MIL is on tap.

BUT I do feel this is more about you being bored and wanting to get it of the house. I feel that you could perfectly well man up and plan the shopping between you in theory, and then send DH, if you really wanted to.

Sopping s not THAT much fun. Why don't you plan a family outine to give you a break, and go together, but have DH just go and get the same shop done. Let DH do something good enough at the shop, it's only food.

Lol @ terrible typing, i have taken codeine for a headache, can you tell?

9 is old enough if you think he is able, the other option is to let him sit in the café and read a book/play on ds or something.

I got so hacked off shopping with my 8 & 11 yr olds when their dad was away recently, so I often did that. (Obviously I left them with a phone, and they were not allowed to move from the caf).

For the people who say 9 is old enough if you have no choice, but not otherwise - what's the difference, why is it not the time to give them the independence of the house to themselves, the knowledge that they can be happy at a time when it's convenient for you to rush home if necessary - get MIL in etc. Rather than waiting until you have no choice when it's not the time to find out he panics and calls you after 5 minutes.

Sounds fine to me if the kid is fine as described.

laughingeyes, the NSPCC actually says this:

What the law says

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk.

How to decide if you can safely leave a child alone

There are many important things to consider before you decide to leave a child alone. These include:

the age of the child
the child's level of maturity and understanding
the place where the child will be left
how long and how often the child will be left alone
whether or not there are any other children with the child.
For example, most parents would think it is okay to leave a 16-year-old alone for the evening. But to leave them for a week would be unacceptable.

Many young children play outdoors with other children without supervision, most people would agree that this is an important part of growing up. To leave children outdoors for a considerable length of time though, or to allow them to wander off without knowing where they are going, would be unacceptable.

You are the best judge of your child's level of maturity and responsibility.

I suggest if you want accurate information from the NATIONAL SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO CHILDREN, you go directly to the NSPCC website rather than that of East Sussex Council. It's here.

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/being-home-alone/home-alone_wda96754.html#decide

Incidentally, I leave my seven-year-old for short periods while I go and pick my youngest up. He knows my mobile number off by heart, has never set the house on fire and knows to ring his dad if I don't arrive back within a certain time (so is unlikely to STARVE TO DEATH if a HELICOPTER CRASHES ON MY CAR, or whatever else people think will happen.)

I do this because I know my child and his level of maturing and understanding and because I am capable of evaluating risk.

laughing I'm American, so I don't see that as a pejorative. The New Yorker magazine is a respectable publication, and I thought the article I linked gave interesting food for thought, not a model for parenting.

And the NSPCC is coming from the POV of preventing child abuse. I don't consider them an authority on how sensible people might best raise children.

We're back from the store. DS apparently didn't budge from the sofa. The store was extremely busy and middle son kept us plenty busy (but at least he didn't run around.)