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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she got what she deserves?

40 replies

FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:17

My friend had just had her second dc when she found out her husband had been seeing someone for months. The OW rang her and told her. They tried to work it it but it was too broken. Husband left for the OW and my friend was left devestated. OW and husband were very gloaty about their love,he finally had the perfect woman,she made very hurtful comments about my friends body.
Fast forward a few years and my friends life is going well,in a relationship,great job,happy kids etc. Found out that the ex left the other woman for someone else. They had had a baby together too.

AIBU and bitchy to think she got what she deserves? I know it takes two to tango and I hope he gets his karma but I can't help feeling that she knew he was a cheater,she helped break up a marriage and now karma has bitten her on the arse.

OP posts:
TheOrchardKeeper · 21/09/2013 15:19

Unfortunately the shifty bastard is still on the loose...

OneHandFlapping · 21/09/2013 15:19

The one who needs karma to bite him on the arse is the H, who it appears has got off scot free.

He's the one who has betrayed two women, and created and left two families.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:21

I know he's a fucker and I really hope he gets his comeuppance but I have no sympathy for her either.

OP posts:
TheOrchardKeeper · 21/09/2013 15:23

Well yeah, that's fair enough. You reap what you sow, most of the time.

If he carries on like that though, there'll come a day when there's nothing left to sow and he's alone with only a bit of contact with one or two of his scattered kids, if that. At least your friend is happy now.

RhondaJean · 21/09/2013 15:27

I do believe in karma.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 21/09/2013 15:28

Well, it should have come as no surprise to her that he did the same to her as to his first wife.

Ideally, his dick would turn gangrenous and drop off, but sadly the world does not work like that.

BrownSauceSandwich · 21/09/2013 15:29

More importantly, it sounds like your friend got what she deserved. That beats any other revenge.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 21/09/2013 15:30

Im a firm believer in karma. Your friend is happy her ex and the OW are not Wink

MrsKoala · 21/09/2013 15:31

Well their smug and nasty gloating behaviour makes them arseholes. But i left first H for current H and i would never cheat again (my dad also left first wife for my mum and they have been together nearly 40 years). So i can say just because you cheat once you don't necessarily do it again. If i did tho, i'd hate someone to gloatingly tell DH he got what he deserved. But people are very black and white and unforgiving about this - Particularly on MN.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:32

Oh yes a dose of crotch rotting crabs would do him nicely and the way he's going is very likely

OP posts:
PeppiNephrine · 21/09/2013 15:32

Don't you feel a bit icky gloating over a person you don't know at all, because they've been abandoned with a baby? Doesn't say much for you to be honest.

nennypops · 21/09/2013 15:33

I do think going after a married man is a pretty awful betrayal of other women, no matter how much the OW may think she loves the bastard and no matter what stories he spins about the state of his marriage. So yes, karma can be a wonderful thing. Let's hope it gets to work on the bastard himself next.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:36

I never said she was a stranger. She knows he is capable of doing it.
MrsKoala I think its the lying o someone you're supposed to love that gets most people. Its very hurtful to be lied to.

OP posts:
ButterMyArse · 21/09/2013 15:38

Do you people who believe in karma really think that people get what they deserve? Life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.

I think the husband is more deserving of your scorn than the OW, to be honest.

Mollywashup · 21/09/2013 15:39

My DH friend cheated on his wife nearly all there married life she only found out about the last one, split up got back together again then she run off with his best mate he was devastated serves him right.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:42

Don't worry I have scorn aplenty for him.

Had they got on with their new relationship I probably would have a degree of sympathy but they didn't,they were gloaty and mean and spiteful and knew that physical remarks about my friend would really stamp out the smidge of self esteem she had. She has bad scarring.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 21/09/2013 15:43

Yes Frigging, i know it is. But i don't think for the rest of my life or my DH's we should 'deserve' anything hurtful which happens to us - as is often suggested. I think when anyone gets hurt it is sad. I'd feel sad for her really.

pianodoodle · 21/09/2013 15:46

It's more of a shame that the children didn't get what they deserved :(

TimeAgainForWellies · 21/09/2013 15:53

I honestly think that no-one really knows what goes on inside a relationship, and on the surface it might seem to be one thing when it could be another.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 15:53

I don't mean to be nosey and tell me to feck off if you want MrsKoala but did you tell her H you loved him whilst you were with the OM? Did you play happy families,make him think things were fine?

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 21/09/2013 15:59

I Have sympathy for the OW.

Ok how the relationship started was not right, but you cant help who you fall in love with. But now she has been left as a single mother and her whole would has changed.

where as this man just more on and has the majority of his responsibility gone.

MrsKoala · 21/09/2013 15:59

Yes, i suppose i did Frigging. No dc involved tho and it was all 'out' very quickly. But for about 3 weeks i acted as 'normal' as i could with exH while i was seeing DH. I honestly felt awful (not that i feel i deserve any sympathy for that!) and had my 'reasons' - none of them justifiable of course. I also had the good grace to apologise profusely, and leave the house giving him everything. The damage could never be minimised tho but it was all i could do.

Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 16:06

McNewPants no you can't help who you fall for. I met dh when he was with someone else but I said nothing and waited til he was single before I made any moves.
If they had just left my friend alone to put herself back together,but they didn't and for that I don't think she or him deserves sympathy.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrigginRexManningDay · 21/09/2013 16:09

Well you kinda traded off on the hurt and sounds like you moved on quietly and that's good. No rubbing your exH nose in it.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 21/09/2013 16:15

No - and it all turned out well for him, because my BFF from 3yo went round to comfort him when i left and they are still together. None of my friends who i grew up with and had gone thru big life events with ever spoke to me again. I was also made redundant the same week. So i was homeless, jobless, friendless and had a major bipolar episode. I definitely 'got what i deserved' according to lots of people.

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