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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MIL has just been outrageously rude?

62 replies

PeriodFeatures · 21/09/2013 12:19

MIL is visiting for a couple of days to meet newborn grandson. (9 days old)

There have been all sorts of issues with MIL who has had lots of personality problems and a chaotic lifestyle. DH has gone no contact with her on and off. She's here on grace tbh

She can be lovely and funny, jokey and warm too. No recent issues but I have just come in from hanging washing out, the neighbours dog was barking...

When I came in she said 'was that you barking in the garden periodfeatures?' and laughed.

I said 'i'm just going to pretend you didnt say that' she said she was only joking....

DH said that she was joking and probably didn't realise what she had said. He did say he'd have a word with her but I said I'd let it go.

I'm Shock

letting it go but honestly can someone really say that as a 'joke'? am I being uppity to feel all tight lipped and offended?

OP posts:
Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 21/09/2013 12:36

Thanks folks.... :) Heffa I think you are right, she didn't mean it. I don't mind stupid humour but the history puts me on edge a bit! Have let it go

OP posts:
ShadeofViolet · 21/09/2013 12:37

Why on earth would you be hurt by that?

Because she had a baby 9 days ago, is probably hormonal and shattered.

poppymagnum · 21/09/2013 12:39

The trouble is if someone has form for being "difficult" then you are hyper aware of things they say. This comment from someone you have an easy relationship with would probably have washed over you.

I can see why you're questioning it if she's been mean in the past.

claraschu · 21/09/2013 12:39

I just truly don't understand why that is "outrageously rude". Maybe I am missing something-

poppymagnum · 21/09/2013 12:40

Sorry. Massive x post! Congratulations on your new baby btw.

utreas · 21/09/2013 12:44

YABU and overreacting majorly.

Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 21/09/2013 12:44

Thanks poppy and shades relieved that you haven't condemned me!

I feel iike a bit of an idiot now so will be really nice to her when she gets back from shops.

OP posts:
ohmymimi · 21/09/2013 12:45

Go outside tonight and howl at the moon, see how funny she finds that.

QuintessentialShadows · 21/09/2013 12:46

No, I probably cant imagine! Grin

But based on you barking in the garden? No, that was not rude or nasty. She was just attempting humour.

Kidsarekarma · 21/09/2013 12:47

Rubbish joke but I probably would have said, "yes it was me, watch I don't bite you!" or something.

You're post natal, no wonder you were upset.

And she should have been hanging out the washing, not you.

FlapJackFlossie · 21/09/2013 12:48

You should have said....."Yep. Me and next door's dog were just having a laugh about the weather (or somesuch)". Laugh it off.

BarbaraWoodlouse · 21/09/2013 12:54

Where is Wooftoyoulady when you need her?

PrincessFlirtyPants · 21/09/2013 12:55

PeriodFeatures I understand why it aggravated you.

I don't get along with my MIL/FIL/SIL so if anyone of them made that joke I would be very Hmm Shock as jokes like that are normally made by someone you are friendly with.

It probably wasn't appropriate and was in poor taste. I would let that joke slide though, if anything further happens review it then. It really could just be nerves.

tiggerpigger · 21/09/2013 12:57

Yabvu. Get a grip as they say. My MIL once said to my wife "see, even dumb dumb animals can be trained" (referring to me) when I'd done some housework or something. Didn't offend me in the slightest, it was funny

Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 21/09/2013 12:59

karma she was doing the ironing so i'll let her off!

She's very scary lady! once she was recovering from an op, I went round to walk her dogs, see if she was o.k etc. I offered to move her remote control and footstool near her chair and she literally screamed in my face 'i'll fucking do it!' literally screamed, then went totally back to normal in same breath. wierd.

She has also been physically violent (not to me thank god!) so i think i'm entitled to be a little bit on edge and wonder whether her comment was goady as she did used to love making drama.

But, thanks, i'll chill..

OP posts:
Doubtfuldaphne · 21/09/2013 13:02

When someone gets on your nerves, the slightest 'off' thing they say can be very irritating. If someone else had said that, would you have instantly taken offence?
My family have a very different sense of humour to my dh's (in fact I don't think they have a SOH at all) and I'm always being told I'm rude!

Fluffymonster · 21/09/2013 13:15

This is like the time my MIL came to our house and had kindly bought us some bath towels (she always brings us gifts of something or other). As I opened up the packet and thanked her she said "Now you can have a shower!"

Shock

I was gobsmacked and said "Oh. I do take showers actually." (I DO!! Honestly!!!) To which she replied "Joking, Fluffy, JOKING!...Fluffy?? Helloooo...It was a JOKE." Confused

So I was quite seething inside but then remembered that one time she had given dd who was about 3 at the time, a swimming costume and said "Now you can go swimming!" (As if we'd never taken our daughter swimming before).

I think she and I just don't share the same sense of humour (i.e. mine requires more wit, hers doesn't Grin). I suspect your MIL's sense of humour may be in the same league.

Thepowerof3 · 21/09/2013 13:29

Just say Crystal Ballsto it then OP!

youarewinning · 21/09/2013 13:36

I'd have been Hmm as I don't find the 'joke' funny. But I think it was more a terrible attempt to make conversation than a dig at you.

I'm the type of person who would reply "yup, I'm practising my bitch routine, would you like a cup of tea?"

BeansAndCheese · 21/09/2013 14:33

Yanbu. I would've been tempted to tell her to do one!

Hissy · 21/09/2013 14:50

I'm 8 YEARS pos partum, but tbh that comment would, in context, have made me Hmm.

I do think you ought to practice the funny come backs tho OP!

diddl · 21/09/2013 14:52

I thought that jokes were supposed to be funny...

No it would annoy me-especially coming from someone I don't get on with.

It's the sort of comment that I don't see the point of, and for me the only answer is "of course it wasn't me you stupid woman "

Why would your husband think that "she hadn't realised what she had said"?Confused

katykuns · 21/09/2013 16:03

It wasn't funny... but I wouldn't have been upset by it. Would have just said 'you cheeky cow!' or similar. Perhaps this is more down to other previous issues with your MIL. Or ofc, the fact you have just had a baby and you have a visitor! I recommend only having visits of a couple of hours, deffo not to stay

HorsePetal · 21/09/2013 16:11

I don't think she was being rude at all but if someone said that to me 9 days after giving birth then I think I would have crumpled and your mother in law should have known that.

More importantly, if other adults were present in the house then why weren't they pegging out the washing?

Justforlaughs · 21/09/2013 16:11

She sounds like my MIL, tbh. I never know whether it's me or her. I thought we were getting on better now, but yesterday she hung up on me. My DD answered the phone and handed it to me, I asked how she was (she's got a bad knee) and she hung up. She told DH that she didn't know I was there Hmm. Now she might be really dim, really deaf or she's lying, but given her past history I know which way I'm leaning. She may be perfectly legit this time, but it's hard to believe that things are innocent when it's happened so many times in the past. There have been days when she come round for a meal and stayed for 4 hours without acknowledging me at all, not to say hello, goodbye or even answer a direct question. Some people are just weird!