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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really pissed at lodger's BF?

27 replies

sunshinemeg · 20/09/2013 22:34

I have a lovely lodger. Keeps herself to herself, friendly, and just generally lovely. She has a BF who is normally fine. She usually asks if he can stay over once a week and I've always been fine with this. However this morning I wanted to kill him.
Background is I'm 17 weeks pregnant and a school teacher. I have a huge workload and I'm exhausted anyway. My alarm goes off at 6.30 every day. This morning I was woken before 6am by the door to my lodger's room being opened so forcibly it sounded as if it was almost pulled off its hinges (wasn't thankfully). DH went downstairs at 7am to get breakfast and said our lodger had gone to work but her BF was still there. He was just leaving an shouted out bye as he went. AIBU to be really angry about this? He didn't know if I was awake so why yell out? And why can be never open a simple door without it sounding like he hasn't bothered to turn the handle and is actually just yanking it open ConfusedConfusedConfused

OP posts:
whois · 20/09/2013 23:19

Really? Your problem is he ONCE opened a door loudly and said bye?

Massive over reaction. Chill the fuck out.

TheSeaPriestess · 21/09/2013 00:03

Sorry I'm with you OP! That last half an hour is precious!! If anyone had woken me up needlessly like that (I am also pg) I may actually have killed them. I admire your restraint.

I may be slightly unreasonable when tired

AgentZigzag · 21/09/2013 00:06

I would be 'sensitive' about someone being thoughtless at that time too, but as a one off, YABU.

MariaLuna · 21/09/2013 00:09

You need to have words with your lodger and what is appropriate and what isn't.

It is your house after all.....

complexnumber · 21/09/2013 01:39

Nah! Massive over reaction seems to sum it up quite well.

Catwoman12 · 21/09/2013 01:46

Wow YABVU!! Get a grip.

He opened the door loudly once and was being polite by saying "bye" god everyone makes mistakes, not exactly a big one mind you.

SavoyCabbage · 21/09/2013 01:50

I think you are overreacting. She sounds like a good lodger and ONCE her boyfriend has opened a door too loudly and shouted bye!

Elsiequadrille · 21/09/2013 01:55

I too think you're overreacting, unless there's more to this, it was a one off.

ihavenonameonhere · 21/09/2013 03:50

Jesus so you want the money and none of the problems!!

I don't even see why she has to ask to have her bf over. I have had lodgers and I don't expect them to ask, maybe just tell me so I don't wander round in underwear but it's up to them!

You are being VU

Xollob · 21/09/2013 04:04

YA pregnant and therefore NBU

HungryWhores · 21/09/2013 04:06

YABVU She is your lodger, not your Victorian housemaid.

I can see the headlines now

"MAN OPEN DOOR LOUDLY"

poppingin1 · 21/09/2013 04:24

I also think it is strange that she has to have this arrangement with you where her BF only visits once a week. Obviously there would have to be an understanding so that there is a balance, but why the once a week arrangement?

Lets hope it is just the hormones talking. But if you are this affected by a minor incident such as this one, maybe you are not the type of person who should be having lodgers.

poppingin1 · 21/09/2013 04:26

BTW, I say that in a nice way OP. Some people are just not cut out to share their homes, I know I'm not.

Original poster
sunshinemeg · 21/09/2013 08:09

I have said to my lodger every time that there is no need to ask to have him over, but she does so I can't take fault for that one. The door opening is every time he opens the door, but its good to know on this occasion I was probably being U. No need to swear at me tho people

OP posts:
BeckAndCall · 21/09/2013 08:12

And he didn't shout 'bye' until your DH was already downstairs! So reasonable to assume you were awake.....

claraschu · 21/09/2013 08:14

Why don't you talk to him about this? You could apologetically say that you are a light sleeper and the door is a noisy one and would he mind being extra careful when opening it in the mornings? If you ask nicely, he will probably be happy to be quieter. What's the big deal?

Roshbegosh · 21/09/2013 08:18

I wonder if this is what you are focusing on but there is actually much, much more irritating you. Like having a lodger at all perhaps.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/09/2013 08:21

He can't "yank" it open without turning the handle...it wouldn't open! I think you're expecting too much. You have the extra money and must deal with the extra humanity in your home.

woollyideas · 21/09/2013 08:21

I don't think there's anything strange in restricting the number of times a week the BF can stay. If you want a couple living in your home you advertise for a couple and charge rent accordingly. If you want a single person, you want a single person, so YANBU in that respect, OP, and are right to have fixed boundaries about these things. Being a lodger is not the same thing as being a house-sharer, where you have equal rights and responsibilities.

However, if BF is there with your agreement and has opened a door loudly once, YABU!

Original poster
sunshinemeg · 21/09/2013 08:26

Thanks for the comments, I think I'm not generally keen on the BF, but I was probably having a pregnancy fuelled strop about losing sleep. He does seem to bang the door every time so it was just 'oh god not again' moment. I will leave this thread now as I feel I got my answer, but for anyone still reading, there has never been a staying over arrangement, I've said many times he is free to stay anytime she wants and there is no need to ask beforehand. Thanks for all the comments, will try and catch up on sleep this weekend and tell pregnancy hormones to behave Smile

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 21/09/2013 08:26

Yabu. I suspect it is pregnancy irritation.

MimiSunshine · 21/09/2013 08:27

So he annoys you every time he's there basically because he owns the door to loudly? No wonder she still asks your permission, she's clearly picking up on your annoyance..

For what it's worth, some people do annoyingly start to pull on a door before the handle is fully down so it kind on wrenches open. I've had housemates do this in the middle of gne night and I've wanted to kill them. But you can't exactly give people lessons on door opening.

It may be time to think about what will happen once baby is here as this will only grate on you more and your lodger isn't having a baby so should be free to live her life not around a babies schedule which may cause conflict if you're on edge waiting for her bf to wake the baby

poppingin1 · 21/09/2013 13:35

My gut tells me this is only going to get worse.

Your lodger must not feel all that comfortable if she feels the need to ask permission to have a BF visit her.

I don't understand how this will work with a new baby either Confused

SarahAndFuck · 21/09/2013 13:55

As you are pregnant I am going to say YANBU, or perhaps more accurately, you can't help BU.

I was terrible for this when I was pregnant. God help anyone who came between me and food or sleep. It was less of a pregnancy than a case of demonic possession. Eat the last biscuit or wake me too early at your peril. I had no control over my rage, it came and went in seconds but for that moment when it hit me I was just a snarling and very fat ball of anger.

If his habits annoy you generally, they are bound to be magnified while you are pregnant if it's affecting you the same way it did me.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 21/09/2013 17:14

Now if you'd have said he'd left your home without saying goodbye, I'd think he was rude.

And the door....really??

Huge over reaction, but when we're preggars we can get away with anything :)