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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP taken our son to his ex's

75 replies

Piercy · 20/09/2013 21:55

My DP has a son by a different relationship, and he is due up tonight and DP has gone to pick him up, DP has just rung to say he has met his son and they are going to ex's house with his son (DSS) to collect clothes etc.

DP has taken our 5 month old son with him, I'm a first time mum and our DS was in intensive care for 6 days and I feel I'm incredibly protective of him he has reflux and I'm struggling to keep my confidence up that I am a good mum and doing right by him, when there are days he screams won't go down for a nap.

DP ex I know has struggled with us having a child together, she smokes in the house and smokes cannabis and I just don't want our son in a smokey house, being flaunted in front of her. I know he is going to be picked up like some trophy and he has already been sick tonight I just wanted him to have a car drive (hopefully to help send him to sleep) and come home. I don't want other people "pawing" over him, and I think this goes back to when he was so poorly he wasn't allowed anyone to pick him up except his me and his Dad (even when he came home we had to be careful)

DP refused to sit in the car while his son collected his clothes - I ended putting the phone down saying "bloody kid" as DSS needs a kick up the arse he is lazy, a liar, he is nearly 20 by the way.

Why did he have to take him in the house and flaunt him, and have him "pawed" over? Why does he have to go near the ex?

OP posts:

BruthasTortoise · 22/09/2013 19:11

Because who has happened to join it sparkly? The OP is the baby's mother - why shouldn't she have a say in where her infant child goes?

OneStepCloser · 22/09/2013 19:23

Stereo typing Step Mothers just a little there Sparkly

mehimandthegirls · 22/09/2013 19:38

Ugh ! The ugly side of mn rears it's ugly head again.
I can't understand the posters who are making out that the op has no say in where the child goes.

If I told my do that our dd was not to go anywhere as it made me feel uncomfortable he wouldn't. And visa versa.

He took that baby to show off.
Why is that acceptable to use a baby to score points.

Yes op has got some ishooooos to sort out but honestly 'ladies' some times you are actually like the mob telling people who need telling

School yard bullies hiding behind a keyboard .

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 19:42

It's hardly the bullying to disagree with the OP.

PeppiNephrine · 22/09/2013 20:13

ODFOD.

mehimandthegirls · 22/09/2013 21:35

Op ... I would leave this thread as clearly your not allowed an opinion on what happens to your son and god forbid you have any fucking feelings regarding a step child which flash word on this forum.

Sparklysilversequins · 22/09/2013 21:49

Why shouldn't the Dad be able to make a decision where his child goes without having to clear it with her first? Presumably he is trustworthy enough given that the baby has been poorly tonight and she was ok with him taking him out?

Sparklysilversequins · 22/09/2013 21:50

OP, would you mind if he had taken your baby to a mutual friends house to show him off?

BruthasTortoise · 22/09/2013 21:53

Because the OP specifically told him not to take the baby to the ex's, she's the child mother and was come rely disregarded. OP made it clear that the ex had issues with the OP being pregnant and quite frankly the OP is well within her rights not to want her baby being in company with a person who has issue with the baby's existence. Plus reading between it the lines the OP's DP may well have been using the baby as a big old "fuck you" to his ex. I would not appreciate anyone using my child in such a way.

BruthasTortoise · 22/09/2013 21:54

She already said she wouldn't but presumably mutual friends wouldn't have had issue with her being pregnant with the child in the first place

Sparklysilversequins · 22/09/2013 21:56

Or maybe he just wanted to show off his gorgeous son?

BruthasTortoise · 22/09/2013 22:01

He wanted to show his son off to someone who has issues with the child's existence. That seems very much like a FU in my opinion.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 22:06

Peppi

If that was aimed at me, well done on the display of pa

BruthasTortoise · 22/09/2013 22:09

OP on the off chance that you're still reading and haven't been scared off please speak to your HV or GP reagrding DS's reflux. It's an horrendous thing to go through and can be very draining. You sound like a lovely mum, you're over protective but that's completely understandable with your first baby and especially when he's still so tiny.

PeppiNephrine · 22/09/2013 22:21

nope, it was at the bonkers poster shrieking "bullies" at people with a differnt opinion.
I don't do passive agressive, I just do passive or aggressive.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 22:24

I was a bit at whether it was meant for me or not!

Apologies for being a sarcastic arse

MusicalEndorphins · 22/09/2013 23:10

I don't ask to hold peoples babies, and even if she does hold him, he will be fine.
When I had my first son in the 70's everyone smoked, and the kids survived.
As far as the TV, maybe he is set in his programs or plays games and doesn't want to hog the family tv's. I see nothing wrong with that at all.

Try and calm down, and remember to not sweat the small stuff.

PeppiNephrine · 22/09/2013 23:47

Thats ok! ;)

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/09/2013 01:42

The Ex has issues.
The DP has issues.
The OP has issues.

Won't anyone think of the children?????runs away screaming

All of them should grow the fuck up (OP included). And stop using this child to score points and get back at eachother.

mehimandthegirls · 23/09/2013 01:55

Shrieking.... Hardly just looking at black white seeing two posters realise that they have 'different opinions' and getting giddy with it.

So ODFOD your self. Shriek and passive agressive ... 2 points for using two of AIBU trendy words.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/09/2013 02:05

I have to say I, too was at the word bullying. Do those who have used it know what it means?

It does not mean voicing a different opinion.

perfectstorm · 23/09/2013 02:07

I think a lot of people are missing that OP didn't agree to her DP taking their son. She was, she says, on the phone upstairs when he just disappeared with him. DP has insisted OP's ex knows nothing about the baby but wants to show him off to an ex who isn't happy he exists, in a smoky house, against OP's expressed wishes... and just takes him at night, after he's been sick, to achieve that?

Sure, she's over-reacting. But I'd be irritated, too. I'd never leave the house without telling DH, with or without the baby. Nor would I take our kids somewhere DH really didn't want them to go.

perfectstorm · 23/09/2013 02:09

Having said that blaming the ss for wanting time to himself isn't fair. He's 19 - why would he want babies 24/7? Especially as OP plainly doesn't like him much.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/09/2013 02:15

No parent has to get the agreement of the other to do what they see fit while the child in their care. Unless the child is being abused or put in danger, there shouldn't be an issue.

This child wasn't being abused. He was not in danger. The poor mite is being used in his parent's power games with eachother.

I repeat: The adults here should grow the fuck up.

mehimandthegirls · 23/09/2013 07:56

Ok maybe bullying was a too stronger word. I just had it when posters oppose veiws and keep peck peck pecking to ram home there views in repeated messages before the op has even responded to their first. Especially when two mural head peckers find each other on thread.

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