Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report ex-lover for tax evasion?

54 replies

FreckledLeopard · 20/09/2013 21:52

I accept my motives are being driven by vindictiveness right now but so tempted to do this.

Background: former lover of mine. Things ended by him nearly a year ago. I haven't had contact with him since and remain angry with him and hurt by him. It was an open relationship. He is married. I wqs friendly with his wife but cut contact at the same time he ended things.

He was always somewhat dictatorial. Things had to be his way. About 18 months ago the family bought two pedigree springer spaniel puppies. God knows why - they'd always treated animals as expendable (rabbits lost or released into the wilds of West London; puppy escaped from garden and killed; snake lost etc). At the time they were talking about getting the dogs, I phoned the breeder and expressed my reservations. The breeder went ahead and sold the dogs to them.

Fast forward 18 months. DD is in touch with their DD. They have moved house. Lost one dog who was found 2 months later by a member of the public at death's door with lungworm etc. Other dog they gave away to someone else. I'm so bloody angry about these poor dogs.

I know that whilst they were living in London (they're not British citizens) they had a hefty, undeclared income.

WIBU to contact HMRC and let them know about the tax evasion? Hearing about those poor dogs is the last straw. But I accept that if I hadn't been screwed over by ex lover I wouldn't be contemplating this course of action.

Opinions please.

OP posts:
YoureBeingADick · 20/09/2013 23:22

Youre being a dick. Grow up and get over it. Move on with your life.

meditrina · 20/09/2013 23:33

It's got nothing to do with whether he's a shit or not.

If you'd report any of your friends or acquaintances, including ones who are otherwise pleasant, then report.

themaltesefalcon · 20/09/2013 23:43

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" As someone or other said.

You sound quite vindictive, OP. Let it go and forget about it. If for no other reason than this man does have something on you, too (the relationship with him that you apparently want to keep concealed from your daughter).

It's all a bit dramatic.

And HMRC are well-used to getting tip-offs from spiteful exes, who strangely never seemed to be so bothered by their erstwhile lovers' dodgy financial arrangements whilst they were still being wined, dined and schtupped. It doesn't say much about your own ethical code, you so-called lawyer, you.

Hissy · 20/09/2013 23:44

You know what? I hear polyamoury, in any thread, and I think "Bollocks".

A 4, at best.

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 20/09/2013 23:54

I'm a city lawyer acting for banks! I did not claim to be ethical Wink

Fair enough. Vindictive tip-offs to tax authorities are clearly a step too far. Can I at least wish bad karma to befall him? Or must I wish him well and rise serenely above it all?

OP posts:
themaltesefalcon · 20/09/2013 23:56

Definitely go with the serene rising.

Monty27 · 20/09/2013 23:57

Who cares what your job is. Your OP says it all about you.

Yeh, you rise. God I hope I never meet you in a court of law.

AnneUulmelmahay · 20/09/2013 23:59

Look

You were not bovvered during the relationship, presumably the arrangements suited yeow at the time

You have pounced on the dog thing as a way to allow self to think loads about this fellow

Why? I think you still carry a torch. Pull self together, uninvolve, be disinterested.

YoureBeingADick · 21/09/2013 00:05

you can 'wish' him whatever it pleases you to wish him. for your own personal closure and happiness I would suggest you just decide to forget about him, his wife, his daughter and their dogs. no matter how much you care about the dogs- you are keeping yourself 'involved' with him (in your head) by concerning yourself over them.

you wont move on and feel happy again until you decide to and that means, taking all these horrible feelings you have, putting them in a box with a brick and throwing it in a canal in a town you will never visit again. pick a random one on a map and mentally do that.

stop involving yourself in this man's life and you will be able to get on with your own. like what adults do Wink

Monty27 · 21/09/2013 00:24

Ha ha last two posters.

Well said.

trice · 21/09/2013 00:27

He sounds like an Arse. What did you ever see in him?

I would report him. And then move on.

I am vindictive and enjoy revenge. So there.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2013 00:29

I would report them.

DoJo · 21/09/2013 08:20

TBH I don't think the motive matters - if he isn't paying tax then he should be pursued through legal channels. It may give you a sense of satisfaction to shop him for whatever reason, it may not, but I don't think anyone should get a free pass to evade the tax system just because you don't want to look vindictive. Would those who are advocating the OP should leave it alone also suggest that she shouldn't report any other crimes she was aware of?

NutcrackerFairy · 21/09/2013 08:36

But I really don't think it will do the OP any emotional good in the long term to report this guy.

As others have said, it keeps him in her mind and her involved with him. And what about his wife and DD? Op wishes to be revenged on her ex lover but his wife and DD will also be hurt in this situation, either by ex lover being fined and potentially leaving the family in financial difficulties or his being imprisoned...

Does she really want this on her conscience?

If ex lover continues evading tax I am sure he will be found out at some time or other. But does OP really want to be the instrument of his family's downfall? Really? Will it really make her feel better in the long term?

I second those posters who suggested counselling. It sounds as if OP has quite a lot of rage around this relationship and it's ending to process and the safe containment of a therapy room would be the best place to take this. Once the feelings have begun to be worked through then OP can rethink whether she still wants to report him... If so, fine but I suspect that it really won't matter so much then as she will have begun the process of emotional detachment.

lougle · 21/09/2013 08:37

See this is why open relationship stuff is nonsense. This wasn't an open relationship, it was 'an affair with consent'. He wanted an affair, his wife allowed it (because it was going to happen anyway) and you accepted it because it was the only way you'd get him. Who's the only winner? The guy who gets to string two women along without having to worry about being found out!

burstingbaboon · 21/09/2013 08:41

What he is doing its not right but it seams as if you can't move on. Leave them alone

NutcrackerFairy · 21/09/2013 08:42

And it's tax evasion [potentially] not murder fgs.

I couldn't find the energy to get all het up about it personally as so many apparently are able to jiggle the books legally and pay minimal tax... As I said before if this guy is doing anything illegal he will be found out at some point.

microserf · 21/09/2013 08:50

My bastard ex reported me for tax evasion just to be spiteful. That was SUPER fun, as HMRC have treated me like a tax evader ever since, even though I've always paid all my tax.

If you have actual evidence they are committing a fraud on the revenue, then I would think about doing it. If you are just doing it to be spiteful, which is what it sounds like, don't. It's a horrible thing to do.

claudedebussy · 21/09/2013 08:55

if you have evidence then yes. otherwise no.

BellEndTent · 21/09/2013 09:05

You're still thinking about him far more than you should be. He treated you badly, cut him out of your thoughts and move on.

Reporting him just comes across as bitter and makes you seem a bit unstable. We've all been through tough break ups and it can affect you for a good while afterwards but much better to not give a backwards glance in my opinion, than to try and get any kind of revenge. It won't change anything about the relationship between the two of you and wishing bad things on other people is mentally draining, if nothing else.

Binkybix · 21/09/2013 10:17

You don't come across as the nicest of people, but if you actually know he's evading tax then report him. I hate tax avoiders, selfish fuck faces.

ophelia275 · 21/09/2013 11:01

YANBU. Of course you should report him if you know for sure. Why would you condone theft (that is what tax evasion is). Report him asap, regardless of your feelings for him, he is committing a crime and all genuine UK taxpayers are subsidising him and his family if they are not paying any tax.

kali110 · 21/09/2013 11:11

You know what If you have actual real evidence then jf you want to then do it.

Wannabestepfordwife · 21/09/2013 11:20

Is it really the example you want to set your dd if someone does something you don't like/hurt you it's acceptable to try to destroy them

GrendelsMum · 21/09/2013 11:21

I'd treat it like any other crime.

If you have good reasons to brlieve he's actively been evading tax, then report it.

Then just forget all about it. You'll never hear the outcome, I presume, so I don't think it will really get vindictiveness very far.

Swipe left for the next trending thread