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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really think that I only want one child?

55 replies

teacher123 · 20/09/2013 20:08

I love DS (17mo) More than words and he is adorable in every way. He was much wanted and longed for and I can honestly say he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. However I also feel a strong sense of horror at the thought of ever having another baby. I just don't want to do it again, I have had anxiety and PND diagnosed but I don't think it's that, I just don't want to. However EVERYONE keeps asking me when we're going to have another one and I feel like a freak. Loads of people say that the only reason they stopped at 2 is because of money/practicalities. I just feel really strongly like I don't want one. Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 20/09/2013 20:11

I'm adamant I will only ever have one child. His birth was terrible and I'm nit willing to do it again.

Tell them you are happy with just him

Twattybollocks · 20/09/2013 20:11

I always knew I wanted more than one, I have 3 now, and I'm done. Your feelings are completely valid, if you know you only want one that's fine, and no one else's business

Original poster
teacher123 · 20/09/2013 20:13

Thank you, I agree. I don't care how many babies other people have, why do people comment on our choices. I suppose in a weird way I feel guilty, because I know a close family member would have loved more children and couldn't have them, and I just feel completely like I am done.

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 20/09/2013 20:14

I had a wonderful 1st pregnancy, easy (as it could be) birth and he was a wonderful child.. I was still adamant I didn't want another. When (5yrs later) I fell pregnant I FREAKED out. DP was fine, happy even but I was distraught.. right up until I held her in my arms.

She is 7 now and honestly I thought my family was complete until she came along and now I know it is.

Sometimes you are sure, sometimes you just think you are BUT I know how you feel right now.

jammiedonut · 20/09/2013 20:16

Definitely. Do what you feel is right. I've convinced dh to wait until my mire a needs to be changed before we discuss the possibility of another child. Pregnancy has damaged me beyond belief physically and mentally that I would feel selfish going through it again and making myself less available to dh and ds.
I've had some pretty strong reactions from people I've told, namely that ds will grow up a socially inept weirdo because he doesn't have a sibling. My response is that if I do find that I want another child but god forbid I am unable to conceive, or carry a child I will really appreciate their kind, considerate words!

DoJo · 20/09/2013 20:16

Fuck everyone else! Do whatever you want and tell them to mind their own if they bother you about it. It's your family, your choice, your business and everything else is just idle chat and nosiness, so let it wash over you.

AMumInScotland · 20/09/2013 20:18

If you carry on feeling like you just want the one, that's fine, if you change your mind that is also fine. I was quite clear when I had DS that he was going to stay an only, and he has. When I told people though, they often said "Oh you'll change your mind as he gets older" and I quietly fumed at their arrogance.

But don't discount the idea that it could be affected by anxiety and PND, because those things are likely to affect how you feel about all sorts of things.

Just go for an answer like "Oh we're happy as we are thanks" and ignore any attempt to carry on about why you ought to do what they did, or what they think everyone else ought to do. "We're fine / No plans for another" etc and then "Hasn't it been rainy lately? Would you like a biscuit with that?" or anything else.

cantthinkofagoodone · 20/09/2013 20:18

YANBU. Siblings just fight with each other IME! I'm very happy with my LO and only. DH needs some convincing though.

NotYoMomma · 20/09/2013 20:18

I'm an only and I am mint Wink

DancingLady · 20/09/2013 20:20

YANBU and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone else. They are being rude asking - it's none of their business.

JCDenton · 20/09/2013 20:20

YANBU. I'm an only and it's great. I've honestly never wished for a sibling.

bundaberg · 20/09/2013 20:21

i did feel like that for a bit when ds1 was little, but after a while i began to really, really, really want more. so we had more.

you may not feel like that. ever. which is also fine.

there is no "right" amount of children to have, other than the amount that feels "right" to you and your partner :)

Ericaequites · 20/09/2013 20:22

It's a decision only you can make.

VisualiseAHorse · 20/09/2013 20:22

I go for "this ones enough for now!" if anyone asks if I'm going to have another.

I will have another at some point, but they don't need to know when or why.

Spinkle · 20/09/2013 20:23

I only wanted one. I got one. He's splendid. I don't want another and will happily tell anyone who asks stupid questions.

MorrisZapp · 20/09/2013 20:24

Oh for goodness sake. Loads of people only have one child. I don't understand all the hand wringing. So what if others ask when you're planning another? Tell them no way are you having another. If they really want to know why, then tell them.

There's no dilemma here.

StuckOnARollercoaster · 20/09/2013 20:27

As an only child I was convinced I wanted to have 2 children. However after pregnancy and the birth of DD I am less convinced. Knowing the pitfalls having been an
only child i feel prepared to avoid them, so unless I really have some dramatic memory loss then DD will remain sibling free.

Slippydippysoap · 20/09/2013 20:28

I had a foul birth resulting in lovely PTSD. I logically and practically want another child but I am not emotionally or physically ready yet.

I have a range of reasons I give when people ask some of which are designed to remind them that it's a knobbish question given that my first labour nearly killed me and some that are a bit kinder for people who are just making conversation. It helps to have an answer ( even though people shouldn't ask)

How many children you have is a very personal decision and whatever you choose will be right for you.

lottieandmia · 20/09/2013 20:30

Just to add another perspective, I'm an only child and I wish I wasn't and I have to say I disagree with the sentiment expressed above 'siblings just fight'. My dds are very close - they adore each other and I feel this will be something that continues into their adult lives and this is a comfort to me.

OTOH, how many children you decide to have is entirely your decision. If you don't want more, that is entirely up to you and you don't have to justify it to anyone.

DancingLady · 20/09/2013 20:34

What Spinkle said.

Original poster
teacher123 · 20/09/2013 20:34

I suppose I'm just asking if other people have felt the same morris anxiety means that I don't always think clearly and I worry that I'm not feeling 'normal' about things.

OP posts:
Original poster
teacher123 · 20/09/2013 20:35

I also like what spinkle said. I might use that in future! I also love my work/home/life balance at the moment, and feel really lucky.

OP posts:
pinkr · 20/09/2013 20:36

We're only having one. Dd is three Weeks old. I knew before we were pregnant I only wanted one and that feeling hasn't changed. I had an easy pregnancy until the lay few Weeks with some complications...18hr labour, got to 8cm without pain relief and ended up with a section...I'd do labour again no worries but I just don't want more than one. Financially I want is to be secure and offer dd the best we can afford. We have no support so I'd have to pay childcare for two...as it us I can afford top go part time with one dd.

pinkr · 20/09/2013 20:38

Oops posted too soon. Already people are going on about number two but the thought makes me ill! Dh is going to get the snip hopefully! I always just wanted one and I stand by it! !

Fakebook · 20/09/2013 20:38

I only wanted one too until she turned 2. Then had a few problems with mc's and had DS and was adamant I only wanted 2...I'm now 33wks pregnant with a much wanted third dc.

Just go with the flow. If you don't want another child then it's fine. You may or may not change your mind in the future. I don't see how it's anyone else's business.

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