to ask myself if I should do playdates after all?

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I have 3 children (8, 6 and 1 YO). The older two have a lot of after school activities and some homework to do. I work part-time and am very busy, so the children have play dates very rarely. I really like to spend time with the children myself when they don't have school/activities: we read, paint, play together.The older DC do seem to have good friends at school though, and play nicely together at home. Now I'm not very sociable an neither is my partner (nor are the 4 grandparents in fact). Am I raising a new generation of introverts? Should I make a bigger effort and invite DC's friends more often? In your experience, are playdates important at all for the children's development? Do you think that they really gain any social skills which will be useful later in life?

I think it is very important to have friends around for tea as well. It is something that is really good for them socially, and also they get to experience going to someone else's house when the invitation is reciprocated.

I have always worked FT with a commute so I always made sure any invitations were on a Friday as midweek would have been too much. You don't have to do it all the time, once every half term is about right.

It is also nice for children to reognise that it is their home as well as their parents and they can have guests as well. When they are teenagers it all gets a lot easier anyway. My house very often has one of dd's friends in.

I hated not being able to have friends over when i was young and allow DS to bring his friends home regularly. Its rare i say no unless i have to go out in the evening and need to prepare etc.

They all seem to enjoy it and hopefully that will continue when they go off to high school and he can "hangout" in his room with friends.

Gah, I hate the term 'play date'! My eldest in Y1 has had friends around a couple of times and been to friends a couple of times. He loves it and I see it as a necessary evil!

I lived a long way from my primary school and very rarely had friends round. As opposed to all my classmates who lived just near the school and saw each other after school all the time.

My parents didn't really notice the difference in our lives. I did. I like being able to say 'would X like to come round'. And, of course, to offload one - or sometimes both - Inferiorettes, obviously.

Playdates! The Bad Parents' Friend!

i worked full time when my two were younger no friends around after school and weekends I just couldn't bear it, except for birthday parties, but when they became teenagers I was happy for them to have people over as all I had to do was throw food at them. Yes they have sleepovers now, and they sleep at other peoples houses, I have to trust them to call me if their is a problem, I dont think they missed out at all

The only men she can trust are close relatives

Oh FFS. Doesn't most abuse happen in the home by close relatives?? I really home you aren't imparting your warped view of the world onto your children. Teach them to be safe, don't make them fucking petrified of every living person, which it seams you are.

The only men she can trust are close relatives.

What? You know when you start talking about people close to you abusing children, close male relatives are kinda prime suspects, right? I mean, seriously, if you're going to limit contact with people due to fears of abuse, family members (including her father) are off limits as much as family friends.

I don't agree with your theory at all, I'm just pointing out you're doing it kinda half arsed.

Yes to throwing food at teenagers, it's so easy.

They're bloody locusts though.

If you spent time in my company, you'd find I'm inclined to assume everyone is a friend! You don't need to have a warped or fearful mentality to be risk averse, especially when the welfare of children is involved.

Over time, I've realised that my faith in men has not always been justified, either in my own life or in the lives of my friends. Statistics back this up.

I've been criticised for suggesting that girls are encouraged to think that the only men they can trust are close relatives. As children are not equipped with intuition and life experience, I would prefer to encourage a child to actively look for clues to identify who is trustworthy, rather than assuming that most people are. It's not unreasonable to want those skills honed under supervision or in circumstances that I consider appropriate. Under cover of darkness is not appropriate, in my opinion.

As much as I'm tempted to assume the best about every men with a good vibe, it's may well be the case that someone reading this thread has been touched by child abuse - often occurring in the kind of 'safe' environment we're discussing.

To the poster who suggested I shouldn't trust close family members either since they are most often the abusers - every theory can be extrapolated to a judgement call. I've chosen to trust my immediate family because they've earned my trust over the course of a lifetime. That's the level of risk I'm willing to take. That and no more.