A wedding one! I have a real wedding one of my very own!

[Hullygully]

So we are a very large extended family but all close and get on well and see each other differing amounts. But everyone is invited to any "big" event, iyswim.

My third cousin who is lovely is getting married to someone who I think has been married before but can't remember, but they are both older and established, and we (The Family) have been invited to a celebratory lunch and cakes at her mother's house. Very nice. But they will already have got married, we none of us know why and don't like to ask (probs money).

I asked the mother (second cousin) what they would like for a wedding gift and they want donations to their honeymoon.

Is this normal?

I sort of don't mind, it just seems a bit odd. And how much does one give?

It's becoming ever more popular.

I've been to two weddings in past 18 months where the couple have asked for contributions to a honeymoon. both times done in a 'we don't expect anything but if you really insist...' sort of way. I think that's fair enough. I assume it's because couples marrying today tend to have lived together and don't need all the traditional gifts couples marrying a generation or two ago did.

Yes, definitely! Only a blip, albeit quite a big one

I don't think that's right about the cousins.

If her mother is your mother's second cousin, that makes her your second cousin once removed, I think.

First, second, third etc cousins are all in the same generation. The removed bit signifies other generations.

I think.

She phoned up and asked, buss. If there was nothing on the invitation they probably weren't expecting anything.

You are probably right, Sanity

damn, I wanted her to be my third cousin

That's what I thought too but she sounded so sure I didn't like to make a formal challenge.

I just googled third cousins and I think I am correct after all

third cousins sounds faintly Dualling Banjos.

or not

Oh FFS. I'll come back when you've all made up your minds. How can I be expected to work in these conditions?

No, Hully's right. The children of two second cousins are third cousins.

Here

I don't think I am now

Oh yes I am

The removed part refers to generations.

Yes, that's how we phrased it, Nancy66 - we also gave the option of donations to a charity I support.

This is so common amongst my friends and family I can't even begin to tell you how many people have done this. I'd wager around 75% of weddings we've been to (approx 5 a year for the last 6 or 7 years).

In fact we've done it ourselves for our wedding later this year. And yes, we sent the details with the invitations because we're rude like that

We don't expect gifts, but know that pretty much everyone will want to buy one so directing the funds to something useful to us seems sensible.

The only outrage we've come across so far is oldies preferring to give us cash, not pay into the honeymoon fund online. Not a murmour from anyone else.

I'd thank you for towels Dido but I can't say I'd be thrilled by them. I would probably return them as we have many, many towels already but as you'd bought a physical gift I'd try to exchange for something else physical, rather than requesting a refund.

Fine to give cash. Apparently not fine to offer to go along on the honeymoon "for company".

You'd already packed hadn't you?

A third cousin? In ireland we have a word for that. It is .... total stranger. (0k two words). Im amazed u r in touch. I agree with the cut your cloth motto.

Email them saying 'Is he DIVORCED?? and are you REMOVED? Because if so I believe that I should not have to pay. Yours, etc., ME.'

K8

I like that Jim, can you imagine?

Do you think it would be too much to mention the Lord?

Hey, I went on a honeymoon once. Me, dh and dc went on a honeymoon with dh's best friend and wife and baby and our friend and her child and two other people. One of whom brought his entire set of handbells and made us all play and kept going into belfries to measure bells. It was in Eastern Europe and quite, quite marvellous.

You can never have too many towels.

Measure bells?!

Filthy bugger.