A wedding one! I have a real wedding one of my very own!

[Hullygully]

So we are a very large extended family but all close and get on well and see each other differing amounts. But everyone is invited to any "big" event, iyswim.

My third cousin who is lovely is getting married to someone who I think has been married before but can't remember, but they are both older and established, and we (The Family) have been invited to a celebratory lunch and cakes at her mother's house. Very nice. But they will already have got married, we none of us know why and don't like to ask (probs money).

I asked the mother (second cousin) what they would like for a wedding gift and they want donations to their honeymoon.

Is this normal?

I sort of don't mind, it just seems a bit odd. And how much does one give?

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

You can if you have not enough cupboards.

[Hullygully]

I don't know. The wedding actual is a secret mystery. We are too polite to mention it.

[Hullygully]

We don't want to make them feel awkward.

The actual wedding is fast becoming the tusked beast dans la chambre

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

Surely 'Celebratory lunch and cakes' is code for 'bore you rigid with our wedding photos'?

[K8Middleton]

There'll be a slide show of the wedding proper at the lunch.

[Hullygully]

I don't know. If they show photos, we'd see who was there and what sort of affair it was...

Did we ever conclusively settle the third cousin question?

[roundtable]

I'll put my hands up to asking for money for our honeymoon if people wanted to give a present.

All the other weddings I've been to have been the same, never thought anything about it before being on here. According to Mumsnet though, you shouldn't have a reception if it's not a free bar either so I'm inclined to think there are some interesting souls posting on this site.

Our honeymoon was a continuation of a fantastic day and something I'll never do again. We still talk about that holiday 5 years and 2 children later.

I doubt I'd be doing the same for 6 sets of towels.

Times have changed, most couples live together and have the essentials already. But hey, it's up to the guest really. Give money/don't give money. I don't see why people get so het up about it. but then I like baby showers too so what do I know?

There was one wedding I was flabbergasted at though. I, and most guests gave money and at the end of the night the couple ripped open the cards, pocketed the money, discarded the cards and left without so much of a thank you. That's grabby and rude.

[SoupDragon]

I'm always surprised at how some people think they know what would be a suitable wedding gift better than the bride and groom. As far as I'm concerned, £50 going towards a honeymoon is better than £50 spend on some gaudy item of crap they don't want and will shove in a cupboard.

[GirlWithTheDirtyShirt]

LadyBeagleEyes I kid you not, I just noticed a pile of brand new, never been used towels in the bottom of our wardrobe that DP's parents bought us for Christmas. I don't even think they'll fit in the towel cupboard.

[Hullygully]

You know, I have looked up this third cousin thing, I can't understand it one bit.

[roundtable]

Ah man, the thread's moved on since I composed that essay. I got distracted by my toddler crouching, farting, laughing and then repeating on a loop.

[SanityClause]

I think she is your second cousin. Your mothers are first cousins, right? Which makes you second cousins, not third.

I think.

[Nancy66]

I also don't know what the 'removed' thing means.

They often talk about the royals being 7th cousins twice removed and I don't know what they're talking about

[CountryCob]

I have had this as a suggestion and did not mind gave £50 to the online account and we were sent a lovely thank you note I understand money is tight and they already had all the kitchen stuff etc they needed, plus it was easy, I did go to the wedding though and prob wouldn't occur to me to send gift unless invited or special circumstances

[SanityClause]

Hully's mother's first cousin, is Hully's first cousin once removed. The once removed signifies that it's the next generation. Hully and the bride are (correct me if I'm wrong) the same generation, and so they aren't "removed".

But I could be talking bollocks.

[Binkybix]

But if you can't afford to go and some people are very happy to pay towards a honeymoon, then what's the problem? If you don't want to pay then don't. No reason for others not to, and for them just not to go away to suit some people who get annoyed by it.

[ENormaSnob]

But its not their wedding.

That was last month

[Binkybix]

Presumably that's why they didn't ask for gifts on invite - Hully rang to ask.

[MissHC]

Every wedding we've been to in the last 3 years (and there have been quite a few, including 2 where DP was best man) we've given money/vouchers. We've not bought an actual gift once. Houses are not that big and people really don't have the room to store a bunch of crap that their guests think they might need. I'd much rather contribute to a lovely honeymoon that they will talk about for a long time to come or towards a deposit on a house.

[Hullygully]

I haven't paid yet, I keep forgetting. I'll go to the cake thing and be full of shame that I forgot.

[OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly]

Zoe or in my case, an ex boyfriend...
(didn't find out we were related till a year after we broke up, my mother mentioned it as though I should have known all along, yuk!!!)

[calamitygin]

god, you lot are fucking miserable, what is so terrible about the happy couple having a honeymoon paid for by their guests, as a gift that they will cherish for the rest of their lives together? Come on! All that bollocks about buying them a gift that they will be able to keep forever - how often does a toaster/set of towels/crockery last indefinitely?

They will have a lovely time with some great memories and some lovely photos to look back on. Does it really matter at the end of the day? Get off your high horses!