Page 4 | To ask if any of you feel financially secure, and if so, what does it look like...?

Sugarbeach · 2013-09-18T13:24:02+00:00

Is it even possible? Is it a realistic hope/goal?

sleeplessbunny · 19/09/2013 07:35

reading through these posts, it seems as if most, if not all, posters are talking about their joint financial situation with their DP. Now I do believe it's a very important part of e relationship to be on the same page regarding money, and to be building for a future together. That's exactly what DH and I are trying to do, together, and I couldn't see any other way for us to function financially.

But, there is a startling lack of single posters on this thread. That could be for a number of reasons, I suppose, but having seen my mum go through financial hell when splitting from my dad who had complete financial control in their marriage, it does worry me slightly. No-one wants their marriage to break up, but sometimes it does happen and it can be hugely threatening to financial stability. And sadly, sometimes people get ill and die.

So, much as I love my DP and my marriage, I constantly have in the back of mind "how would I cope if I were on my own?" It does affect the decisions I make.

There was another thread on AIBU last night about a friend's 25yr marriage ending, the house being sold, and there not being enough capital for one party to buy somewhere to live. THat's not a position anyone wants to be in later in life.

PepeLePew · 19/09/2013 07:44

So true about life circumstances changing - I have two friends whose marriages have failed who would definitely have said they were financially secure but who, on divorce, are very far from being. They both gave up good jobs when they had children and are now finding it very hard to get back into their fields, whilst also having to sell the family house and buy new properties with higher mortgages.

Strangely, I am now feeling far more financially secure than I was when married despite having a lower income and fewer assets. I let my ex run our finances and he wasn't that good at it - though he was very good at spending.

I have reacquainted myself with my inner saver and have a very organised savings approach, am putting lots into the mortgage and pension, and have got a good promotion and salary increase at work plus a reasonable bonus structure. I know when the mortgage will be paid off, and have a fairly modest but growing savings pot. I know my retirement won't be as comfortable as it would have been if we had stayed together but peace of mind and visibility counts for a lot.

Beastofburden · 19/09/2013 07:56

Part of what makes me feel secure is that we both earn the same and either of us could keep the family on one income if the other one did the childcare. Divorce would be a bit different, but as I am so close to not needing childcare any more, it would be ok I think (not that it's currently planned SFAIK).

Pensions, we are all going to have to work to nearly 70 but I can't see that as unfair. If 60 is the new 40, even at 70 I will be fitter than our grandparents were when they retired at 65. Obviously I'd love to retire early, like 65, but I can't afford to and there it is.

RedHelenB · 19/09/2013 08:18

At forty something I don't feel fitter! I think at 70 I will definitely feel old pysically if not mentally!

MaidOfStars · 19/09/2013 08:38

Russian Apologies for lack if clarity. I am 36 yrs, have been in the scheme for approx. 11 years with no gaps.

OddSockBox · 19/09/2013 08:40

To me 'finanancially secure' means having enough savings to live on for at least a year to pay bills including mortgage. Not sure how we'll manage when old - we both have pensions. Mine is tiny because I've not had it long and don't earn as much. We are trying to concentrate on overpaying the mortgage, that's my biggest worry, a long time left to go on it.

MadeOfStarDust · 19/09/2013 08:43

Our mortgage is paid, we have no debts, have over £20k savings and investments and have hopefully still around old-style civil service index liked pensions to look forward to.......

we do not earn a lot by some folks estimation, but feel we have "enough".....

Pagwatch · 19/09/2013 08:43

Sleeplessbunny

That is a valid point but many of us have taken that possibility into account. I certainly have. I have assets of my own. I have joint control of all of our accounts. And one of our homes is paid off in my name.

I think there is a shocking lack of awareness of how screwed women can be when marriages, or worse, long term relationships break up.
But just because I am married doesn't mean I stick my head in the sand. Not all married women do.

Ragwort · 19/09/2013 08:53

Sleepless - you make a very good point, I have two friends in their 50s whose relationships broke up and are in very, very difficult circumstances.

As Pagwatch says, it is essential to be aware of your own needs (applies to both men & women of course) and not assume you will be in a financially secure relationship for ever.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 19/09/2013 08:55

maid If I was you I'd be concerned. I'm married to a USS member (older than you) and I'm certainly concerned. Although its all relative - even if they gut the stat schemes next parliament (more than they have already), what's left will be better than my 3 buttons and a paper clip.

Crowler · 19/09/2013 09:13

Argh. I overspend. You guys are killing me here. I wish I could get a grip.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 09:13

Not financially secure at all.

We have a 24 year mortgage
We both need to work full time, jobs are stable
We have two dependant dc
We are in debt
We have no savings

We pay into a pension scheme and trust fund minimum payment for dc.

I think worry about money alot.

My dm struggled financially bringing us up. We always ate well and were well clothed but carried the horrible stigma of poverty. We did not go on holiday, have a wide range of clothes, eat out often.

I look forward to the day when we are not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. When I can stop making packed lunches for dh and I for work each day.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 09:14

Not financially secure at all.

We have a 24 year mortgage
We both need to work full time, jobs are stable
We have two dependant dc
We are in debt
We have no savings

We pay into a pension scheme and trust fund minimum payment for dc.

I think worry about money alot.

My dm struggled financially bringing us up. We always ate well and were well clothed but carried the horrible stigma of poverty. We did not go on holiday, have a wide range of clothes, eat out often.

I look forward to the day when we are not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. When I can stop making packed lunches for dh and I for work each day.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 09:14

Not financially secure at all.

We have a 24 year mortgage
We both need to work full time, jobs are stable
We have two dependant dc
We are in debt
We have no savings

We pay into a pension scheme and trust fund minimum payment for dc.

I think worry about money alot.

My dm struggled financially bringing us up. We always ate well and were well clothed but carried the horrible stigma of poverty. We did not go on holiday, have a wide range of clothes, eat out often.

I look forward to the day when we are not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. When I can stop making packed lunches for dh and I for work each day.

DontmindifIdo · 19/09/2013 09:18

I don't think we're in as good a position as some on this thread, so perhaps I'm wrong, but I feel financially secure.

Our situation is we bought a house that we could afford on one wage and are over paying on the mortgage so should be mortgage free before DH is 50 (currenlty he's late 30s), we own both cars out right, have good insurance policies, and savings equvilant to just over 6 months mortgage and bills.

I'm the lower earner in our family and currently on mat leave, if I go back full time, my wage alone will cover all mortgage and bills (except childcare, but if DH wasn't working, why would I pay for childcare and if he'd died, I'd get enough from the 2 life insurances to clear the mortgage and have about £200k left over) - the lack of a "plan C" is part of the reason I'm not sure about becoming a SAHM even though we can afford to live just on DH's wage and childcare is so expensive and I'd love to be at home with the DCs.

Pension wise, we are both paying into company schemes and have been since mid 20s, but not relying on them to pay decent amounts. I'm not really sure htat far ahead what the plan is, just saving shed loads and hoping for the best...

DontmindifIdo · 19/09/2013 09:25

oh and re uni, and those planning not to save for it, are your DCs close to uni age? Our 2 DCs are pre-school, and since I went to uni, the system has gone from being completely free with some grants, to small fees with non-means tested loans, to larger fees with means tested loans (but tested on parental income with no legal requirement for those parents to actually hand any money over), to very large fees, with deferred loans that you might never need to pay.

I'm under no illusions that the system in place now will not change again before my baby gets to uni age, and as every change since the late 90s has made it less affordable and required higher debts for students, I'm assuming the current trend towards it costing more and parents having to hand over more money will continue.

I'm a little nervous of those saying they won't fund uni who have little DCs, what if when your DCs are 16 the system changes again? I'm working on the priniciple it'll be closer to the US costs, so we are saving on that assumption, if it's not or if they don't want to go to uni, then great, I've got myself a nice pot of money to spend of cruises and facelifts give me a more glamorous retirement, if they do want to go, the limits of where they go to uni should be what grades they can get, not what I can afford.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 09:38

Not financially secure at all.

We have a 24 year mortgage
We both need to work full time, jobs are stable
We have two dependant dc
We are in debt
We have no savings

We pay into a pension scheme and trust fund minimum payment for dc.

I think worry about money alot.

My dm struggled financially bringing us up. We always ate well and were well clothed but carried the horrible stigma of poverty. We did not go on holiday, have a wide range of clothes, eat out often.

I look forward to the day when we are not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. When I can stop making packed lunches for dh and I for work each day.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 09:41

Triple post

Pagwatch · 19/09/2013 09:44

Bumblequeen
If its any help, I was exactly where you are 17 years ago. (except the debt. I don't borrow except mortgage. No credit cards , no loans since I was 25)
Good shit happens too.

Bumblequeen · 19/09/2013 10:48

Pagwatch thanks for the encouragement.

madeofstardust You really are lucky to be in that position.

Because of our debt I have to work full time. Without it we could just cope on dh's salary. It is upsetting.

Thank goodness we did not stretch ourselves when looking to buy a house. We live in a very modest non sought after part of Kent. Hate the fact that we were priced out of London. The gap is widening every day as London house prices are soaring.

Dm annoyed me last week when she mentioned seeing a property in a nice part of Kent for £450k. Our home is not even worth £200k. It is clearly out of my reach?

Morloth · 19/09/2013 10:59

We probably are financially secure but I don't think I will ever feel financially secure.

Like others I grew up poor and am very aware of the curve balls life can throw.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/09/2013 11:07

Bumble queen

Do have a look at that book I mentioned it does help with sorting out your true financial priorities and is totally non judgmental.

Don't underestimate what you are managing already. DH and I didn't become financially secure overnight. Every payment you make on the mortgage, every £10 you put into savings is moving you into a more secure position. It all counts and it all helps.

Writerwannabe83 · 19/09/2013 11:11

I try not to stress to much about money.

We have a credit cards bill of £2'000, we don't own our own house and my husband doesn't outrightly own his car.

However, we can afford to pay our mortgage, we can afford to pay our bills, we can afford our loan repayments and we can afford to eat. We also have nice days out and treat ourselves etc etc.

That is a secure enough life for me

2rebecca · 19/09/2013 11:26

I do now, but alot of financial security is related to age. as you get older your morgage shrinks, unless you are one of these people who are forever buying more expensive houses. We both work in reasonably secure jobs and now our morgage is shrinking have some savings (savings are generally a bad idea if you have a large morgage as you pay more onmorgage interest than you get in savings interest.)
We both spend within our means and neither of us enjoy shopping as a hobby and hate the phrase "retail therapy".

Kamchatka · 19/09/2013 11:46

Hmm, I have got nowhere near as much as some on this thread but I do feel financially secure.

Mortgage we can afford on one wage
Skills which can always earn a wage
good local schools
friends abroad (makes holidays fun) and enough money to see them every few years
pension will be good, old enough to be on final salary scheme
have had a leg-up with bequests and gifts from family, that helped early on in house-owning
relatively simple tastes!

I too came from a not-wealthy background, not poor but e.g. no money for nice birthday presents or holidays. My feeling is that things will be ok. We can always work: dh's job is secure, mine is always needed somewhere even if not fantastically secure. We can both work past retirement if we need to. I don't really worry about money despite having been brought up without many of the things my peers had.