To not tell anyone which is my older child?

[rattling]

I have twin boys, so the difference is a matter of minutes rather than years When they were about 2 (personalities really showing themselves) I decided that I wouldn't be telling anyone which one was the older twin. Possibly if they had a different birth order I wouldn't have thought about it, but I can really imagine DT1 (even on here I don't normally distinguish them like that) using it against his brother.

Anyway, like most of my decisions, it seems that my friends and family (ie those who I'd happily explain myself to) seem to be entirely fine with this. No-one has queried it at all. But I've had a couple of faces from virtual strangers who've only asked the question as something to say really. I doubt they care or would remember who was older.

Is it a weird decision to make?

What a bloody good idea! :)

Not weird at all. Can't see that not telling them would matter at all!

Why does it matter? My dtb is 5 mins older than me, can't say it's ever mattered to him or to me?

Well, neither of them are really older!? One just came out before the other. Who knows which one of them were "formed" first? Unless they are identical, then I guess it is a moot point entirely?

They did the same in The Camomile Lawn.

"Father's Christian principles - the last is first,- and Mother's sense of fair play"

I think it's a good idea

Very weird.

It will probably have quite an effect on them once they are old enough to ask about it, if you wont tell them. It is their birth story, their right to know surely?

I think it's quite a good idea but if I was the twins I'd want to know. I do know a couple of sets where the older one has lorded it over the younger one. What about name order? Do you naturally say DT1's name first and the other second or mix it about so it's not obvious?

Oh & the younger one can get his revenge - he can be the first to have a go in games (youngest always gets to go first) and you can say to the elder one 'You are older, you should know better!'

I think you're making a massive deal out of a minor non issue tbh.

If it helps I used to know a pair of non identical twins (that may be relevant) of whom the second born always insisted she was the elder as she must have gone in first to come out second. Not sure if that's rock solid, but still....

Interesting stuff

The OP ain't telling who popped out first to avoid making a big deal of something that shouldn't be a big deal.

However by shrouding a perfectly natural event (after all, one of them had to pop out first, they could only get through one at a time) in secrecy, she will have created a SECRET.

What is the betting that this SECRET becomes a bigger deal than anything over who might have popped out first?

Chipping - partly it is an attempt to stop me doing entirely that!

And they will know before too long. I'm not tippexing it off their birth certificate.

Tabliope - Name order? Does everyone call their children in birth order? The most annoying one usually gets shouted at first, or I randomly pick a name out of the air - DH and the cat's name is equally possible.

Really not making a massive deal of it. Came up for about the 3rd time yesterday, the boys didn't notice, just wondering how it seemed to those 3 people I have politely refused info to.

Surely it's not a big deal unless you are royalty and one is in line to the throne. .

I am sure people are just asking out of politeness, no one really cares, do they?

My friend's twin girls have separate birthdays, one was born just before midnight, the other just after. . That is something worth talking about.

It's a really interesting idea!

I have twins and we have had teachers who have made assumptions about them based on their birth order - although usually wrong! DT2 is a lot more assertive than DT1 and so people tend to assume he is the firstborn. Thinking about it when they first started school and they were in the same class, it might have been nicer for there not to be certain expectations based on their birth order. Once in junior school, having been in separate classes for two years, they are very much seen as individuals and it is less of an issue.

I think though, it quite a big thing to children as to where they come in the birth order and it will bother them sooner or later. DT2 revels in being the youngest, and DT1 tries every so often to assert himself as the oldest, usually without success. I don't think it is a huge issue in terms of consequences between themselves, but they like knowing.

wow, mine would love separate birthdays where they didn't have to share!

You're making a big deal of something that isn't a big deal.
If you make it an issue it'll become an issue.

I have twins. People ask questions all the time. Who's older is just conversation.

As long as the twins are the first to know (before schools, their cousins, their school friends etc.) then I think it is a great idea and you're doing them both a favour.

I think it's a good idea, I know one younger child of twins who claims that his brother is constantly favoured in material things by family, "because he is the oldest".

I'd suggest that the choice of names is more important; you have to find a combination that works both ways, otherwise one of them becomes the second named twin. All the twins I know* have names that only seem to work as "A and B" rather than "B and A" For example, if one name ends in "a", you'll tend to put it second all the time. "John and Anna" will soon become the norm over "Anna and John"

One friend named the younger twin with a name that comes first in the alphabet so that at least at school she'd come before her sister.

*and it's loads, there are 5 sets in DS school year alone of 210 children!

I have an A and it is always R & A, with A being the youngest. But individually I call them anything that comes into my head. I def don't find name order is an issue.

I called A by R's name several times yesterday actually, he knew I wanted him to do something so he just sat there grinning at me.

Unless there is a stately home to be inherited, I really cannot understand why there would be a problem over who was born first.

You getting the face because they are just making small talk and you are being rude. Imagine they aren't twins for a minute, a random stranger, who for some reason you are talking to, asks which child is older, and you say "I;m not telling you". It's no less odd a response because they are twins.
You are just being arsey for no good reason. Which, of course, is entirely up to you, but don't act surprised if you get a few of these:

I'm a twin. My sister and I get called A&B or B&A in roughly equal numbers. We also don't have the traditional big-sis/little-sis thing. I am 3 minutes older, we've always known that, and the worst we did was a bit of 'first the worst, second the best' teasing. My dad's a twin too and his brother used to reply to 'second the best' with 'I was born first - that makes you the afterbirth!' I think not telling anyone just makes it a whole big thing when it isn't one.

Agreed Peppi

Genuinely not being arsey. In response to the question I just say we have decided not to say. The person asking, as you say, doesn't really care, so why add another source of dispute to 4yo arguments?

Though it seems it might be seen as something bigger than I do!