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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opinions on men watching porn/masturbating. - isnt that what SINGLES do?

43 replies

Corrigan92 · 17/09/2013 01:53

I'm talking father of your child, lives with you, long term thing. opinions on looking at pics of other girls, internet porn and masturbating, isn't that one of the reasons FOR relationships? that you have each other for that kind of stuff? not there right hand and a laptop screen ...opinions guys!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 17/09/2013 01:56

I am not a masturbation substitute. Nor is my boyfriend.Hmm

Original poster
Corrigan92 · 17/09/2013 02:05

I am neither for or against just wonderingmopimions as it came up in a chat with a few friends. there view was that surly if they are turned on they should satisfy each other as they are in love and was disgusted at the thought that another woman on a screen could be doing that instead...

OP posts:
badgeroncaffeine · 17/09/2013 02:29

I'm male and in a relationship. I no longer find my partner attractive and we rarely have sex. I find myself doing the things I would do when single really...admiring other women etc. I should just end it with her, but she's a very kind person and I don't have a better option lined up yet.

LabradorMama · 17/09/2013 03:57

Wow badger, you sound a right catch.

Blont · 17/09/2013 04:27

'Yet'!

picnicbasketcase · 17/09/2013 06:16

Better option. Yikes.

I don't think necessarily 'single = porn' and 'relationship = proper sex with an actual 3D human'. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many threads where women are offended after checking their OH's Internet history or walking in on them.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 17/09/2013 06:24

FFS badger. do her a favour and leave now. She'd be much better off without you.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 08:21

Nope, that's what wankers do.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'd be creeped out at the idea of being a porn substitute, but I don't see why there's an assumption all single men watch porn, either. They don't.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 08:26

Badger, do the honourable thing and tell her that you feel this way. It's not fair to string people along like that. If you were honest about this, you could both find people who are more suitable.

To answer OP. I'm a woman and I have a sex life with DP, but it doesn't stop me from masturbating and thinking about other people. I don't look at porn, because I prefer reading naughty stuff. So, I don't think it's all pretty normal.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 08:28

Sorry, I meant to say that I don't think it's unusual and it's pretty normal.

kali110 · 17/09/2013 08:32

I dont think so at all.iv been with my bf 4 years and it dont bother me.helps when im not there!

kali110 · 17/09/2013 08:34

Plus i wouldnt walk out on my relationship because my bloke was doing this!agree with paul, normal for men and women who are not single.

meditrina · 17/09/2013 08:35

If OP had wanted sensible answers I suspect this would be in Dadsnet, or Relationships, or perhaps chat. For the answer surely has to be that there is no single answer for all 'men' - or all women come to that. Each couple needs to sort out the parameters of their relationship in a way that works for both of them and offends neither.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 08:36

I think so kali. I love DP and find him attractive, but I still 'flick the bean' over other people. Sorry. TMI there. Blush

BuskersCat · 17/09/2013 08:38

come on now don't feed it ladies.

I hate porn, I find it disrespectful to everyone involved. masterbation doesn't bother me though, sometime you want to have a bit of selfish relief

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 08:39

YY, I was going for what buskers said more clearly.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 08:40

I don't like porn, but I do wonder whether men and women are wired differently in this respect. Women I know tend to read filthy stories, whereas men watch porn. That could be because porn is mostly made for men though.

Saying that, I have watched gay porn and it was hot.

gamerchick · 17/09/2013 08:42

Don't tell me OP you're outraged that your other half masturbates to porn?

Porn use is a personal no one size fits all thing and some woman have huge problems with.

Masturbation is everybody's right.. can be used for a range of reasons and none of their partners business when it's used normally.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 08:46

I don't think they are, paul (wired differently). Just FWIW.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 09:14

Do you think that it's more of a social conditioning thing LRD?

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 09:16

Yes, probably. I think different men and different women are more and less visual/verbal. Loads of men like dirty books too.

It's a separate question from opinions on men (or anyone else) watching porn, though, IMO.

PaulSmenis · 17/09/2013 09:21

There's a lot of variation in porn though. I think there's a lot of difference between a man masturbating over an image of a naked woman and a watching hardcore video.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 09:23

Dunno. Don't think it matters.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 09:24

Fucking hell, this again.

Lots of people in healthy relationships watch porn and masturbate. It's normal and private and you should be staying out of it.

Badger that's as absolutely disgusting comment. Leave your wife, she deserves much better.

rainbowfeet · 17/09/2013 09:24

I think it's perfectly normal within a relationship as long as it is not several times a day & he doesn't leave 'evidence' Shock laying around ewww .. A conversation with a friend regarding her hubby's 'love sock' sprang to mind!!!

According to polls only approx 20% of women in a heterosexual relationship orgasm through penetration so it's not just about men although it doesn't seem an easy subject for women to talk about...