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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be about ready to strangle 7yo ds over homework??

41 replies

JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 16:33

Obviously not really going to strangle him, or otherwise harm him, but AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

He has a small amount of homework to do, 5 minutes worth maximum, identifying nouns in a few sentences then naming three items you would find in a toy shop, farmyard, kitchen etc.

I've been through it with him verbally and all he has answered everything correctly, all he needs to do is circle 12 words and write 12 words. This was 30 minutes ago and he's done nothing. He's currently sobbing because he asked if he could go on his Xbox and I said yes when he's finished his homework. I've explained that the faster he finishes, the quicker he gets to play, that it's his choice, but he's sitting staring at the wall, pencil in hand, tears dripping onto his homework book!

This is the same situation we get every single bloody day; even at school, he misses huge chunks of his break times because he sits staring into space/messing around/doing everything other than the work he is supposed to do. His teacher said the other day that if he applied himself as well during class time, as he does during the 5 minutes he's missing of playtime, he'd produce brilliant work everyday.

Any tips on hurrying him along a bit, other than a bloody cattle prod?? (*Disclaimer: also not serious!)

OP posts:
Mogz · 16/09/2013 16:37

I used to childmind a kid like that one day a week and that was aggravating enough, you have my complete sympathy!. I think the only thing for it is to order that cattle prod on express delivery.
Hopefully someone with actually helpful suggestions will be along soon! Don't despair!

TheOnlyPink · 16/09/2013 16:39

I sympathize hugely. Have exactly the same thing with my 6yo. He has some additional needs, but doesn't change the fact that he still needs to get his work done!

watching with interest!

DropYourSword · 16/09/2013 16:40

No real help here, but I'm SURE I read somewhere that a parent had a huge problem with this and it was something to do in the end with the child being extremely reluctant to commit anything to paper for fear of being wrong, perhaps. Clearly I'm no help at all!!

Canthisonebeused · 16/09/2013 16:40

Don't force it give him 30 mins with encouragement, if he doesn't do it let him face what ever sanctions at school.

It's really not worth the years and drama after half an hour.

nicename · 16/09/2013 16:41

Bribary. Sorry but that's the best option.

I watched a teacher haul DS through some work - it was an eye opener! He'd do a bit of the work and then 'hey, that's great! you've earned a 20 second break, what do you want to do? Sing, dance..?'. I think that it just broke up the routine and kept him on his toes.

I used to do a timetable for DS so that he knew hoe long he needed to spend on which tasks and when the 'good stuff' was going to happen.

Don't kill him. I'm sure you'd miss him.

3littlefrogs · 16/09/2013 16:41

Allow him 20 minutes max to do the homework, then write a note in his book that he refused to do the work. The teacher will take it up with him.

Don't, however, give in to requests for the Xbox etc.

Tell him he can read a book, or do something else less interesting, but no Xbox unless homework is done.

Canthisonebeused · 16/09/2013 16:42

Yes drop that was always dds problem, I just never pushed it until her confidence matured to deal with it.

weirdthing · 16/09/2013 16:42

He sounds massively like my DS (now home educated). My DS is dyspraxic - poor handwriting (very reluctant writer altogether, especially compared to his mental and reading abilities) and very easily distracted - does lots of staring off into space, fidgeting and pencil dropping. Basically anything to avoid writing. He is now nearly 8 and the combination of home ed and a relentless mother has made him a lot better.

Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 16:45

I've asked him what the problem is, why isn't he doing it, and been met with stony glares, more tears and growling. He actually growled at me! He's aware he can play on his Xbox from the time he finishes his homework until tea is ready (will be about 5.15) so all he is doing is shooting himself in the foot really. He knows I will not relent on this, but it will be all my fault when he has no time left to play on his precious bloody Minecraft! I could honestly scream!

OP posts:
Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 16:48

weirdthing that sounds a lot like ds. His writing's atrocious, lots of fidgeting, pencil dropping etc when he has to write anything, yet his spelling, grammar etc is amazing and he's reading books aimed at year 5.

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 16/09/2013 16:58

Maybe he's suffering frustration because he knows what he wants to write, but lacks the proper coordination to achieve it.

McNewPants2013 · 16/09/2013 17:14

Have you got a routine for after school.

Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 17:15

Maybe... I sympathise with the frustration!! Homework is semi done and dinner is about to be dished up so he's lost his Xbox time :(

OP posts:
Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 17:18

Yes, we come home, have a drink and a bit of fruit or something while we have a bit of a chat about his day, then he does his homework (or not, as the case may be!) sat at the kitchen table while I get tea on, he's then allowed Xbox time, or Lego or whatever until tea's ready, unless we need to go out anywhere.

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 16/09/2013 17:19

It may not be a popular option but if DS starts with £1 on Monday and each night if homework is a battle he looses 20p so if by Friday if he fails to do it all week he is left with nothing or if he does he ends up with £1

juniper9 · 16/09/2013 17:19

Personally, I'd write a note for the teacher and say that it's taken so long and it's distressing both you and him. I'd also mention that he's done it verbally.

I hate homework, and I'm a teacher, not a parent (well, until I pop in a the next week or two).

Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 17:40

I think I'll do the note to his teacher. He's great in a discussion; comes up with great ideas, thinks things out etc, but seems to really struggle getting it down on paper. When he does though, it's usually great, if a bit illegible! He has "problems" with co-ordination in other areas too, ie can't ride a bike, scoot on his scooter, tie laces, catch a ball etc. he fidgets and waves his arms around constantly too, talks to himself, or hums, or whistles ALL THE TIME, which is something else school have picked up on. I've often wondered if there's something wrong (don't like to use that word but can't think how to word it) or whether he'll just pick things up in his own time.

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 16/09/2013 17:47

Write or go to see the teacher and explain that it is causing your DS distress and therefore he will not be doing it until you feel he is ready. He is far too young to be getting upset over this. Home time should be peaceful and relaxing for everyone.

friendlyguy1000 · 16/09/2013 17:49

I think the thing here is not to get upset and frustrated yourself. My daughter was like this, when she was very young and all we did was to get into a routine that if they had homework then it was done after we had a snack, after coming in directly from school on a tuesday (We spoke to the class teacher, who advised us that he only set the homework on tuesday). If no homework was given, we'd play a game for 20 minutes just to keep the routine going. They will grow out of it, its just hard going while you are in the midst of it all.

DrCoconut · 16/09/2013 17:50

Cross posted. If you're worried that something is wrong, don't ignore it. Knock the HW in the head and then seek answers. My DS was the same and nothing was done. He was recently diagnosed with ASD and ADD at age 14. Possible dyspraxia too - awaiting further evaluation on that. You may have to really push for action.

WilsonFrickett · 16/09/2013 17:53

You have to stay calm and not feed the situation (I know this is hard).
Last year school said homework should only take 15 mins a night, so 15 mins a night was all I ever did.

In a task like today's I wouldn't leave all the writing to the end. I'd verbally go through the first bit, then do the circling, then do the writing, then the next bit etc etc. Stopping when the 15 mins was up.

I'd also be very clear that verbal h/w is still h/w - I often still write 'ds verbally confident in this task although he didn't finish writing it.'

Also letting him choose what bits he wants to do first helps.

chinam · 16/09/2013 18:09

I'm another one who thinks you should talk to your doctor/health visitor about the issues you son is having. He sounds very like a family member who has recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia. Child is one of the most intelligent well spoken person I know.

Original poster
JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 18:17

I was actually diagnosed with mild dyspraxia myself at the grand old age of 32 when I signed up to college. I've always had balance/coordination issues, been clumsy etc and it was always put down to just me being me! Where do I start with regards to getting ds assessed? Not seen a HV in over 5 years!

OP posts:
daftdame · 16/09/2013 18:21

I think it sounds as if you may have to sit with him. Ask which word he is going to circle, tell him to circle it, well done etc etc. Extremely tedious but sometimes they just need you to practically hold their hands.

TrueStory · 16/09/2013 18:24

I had this.

The tears, the anger.

Leave him alone. Let him do it in his own time. Help him if he wants.

I think schools are creating this shite.

I had all this anger management/tears with my own son. What a waste of time. At age 10/11 he has suddenly come on leaps and bounds. Please don't stress. Ignore the homework. IMO a waste of time.