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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be about ready to strangle 7yo ds over homework??

41 replies

JulietBravoJuliet · 16/09/2013 16:33

Obviously not really going to strangle him, or otherwise harm him, but AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

He has a small amount of homework to do, 5 minutes worth maximum, identifying nouns in a few sentences then naming three items you would find in a toy shop, farmyard, kitchen etc.

I've been through it with him verbally and all he has answered everything correctly, all he needs to do is circle 12 words and write 12 words. This was 30 minutes ago and he's done nothing. He's currently sobbing because he asked if he could go on his Xbox and I said yes when he's finished his homework. I've explained that the faster he finishes, the quicker he gets to play, that it's his choice, but he's sitting staring at the wall, pencil in hand, tears dripping onto his homework book!

This is the same situation we get every single bloody day; even at school, he misses huge chunks of his break times because he sits staring into space/messing around/doing everything other than the work he is supposed to do. His teacher said the other day that if he applied himself as well during class time, as he does during the 5 minutes he's missing of playtime, he'd produce brilliant work everyday.

Any tips on hurrying him along a bit, other than a bloody cattle prod?? (*Disclaimer: also not serious!)

OP posts:

Sillysarah49 · 16/09/2013 19:14

I had this also. Speaking to mums of boys, this seems entirely normal. It does get better - my son is now yr 6 and I noticed a huge improvement in yr 5 with independent working. He is quite a young 10 yr old and I think he has just matured. I found altering my mindset and approaching homework with him as though he was someones else's child and tried to keep some objectivity and distance. I used to work with children, and thought I wouldn't lose my rag with them so I'm not going to do it with mine - easier said than done I know! But they do get better I promise.

MmmmWhiteWine · 16/09/2013 19:27

My DD1 (8) is a bit like this....head in the clouds, easily distracted, her brain jumps from one thing to the other constantly. Left to her own devices homework would take an age so I sit with her and try to keep her focussed on the task at hand and on track.

Can you do it verbally then get him to circle it as he goes along? Perhaps it seems too much if he has to do it all verbally and then go back and write it out afterwards? I've found if we do silly things as we go along like make funny sentences with her spelling words to helps keep DD focused a bit too.

uselessinformation · 16/09/2013 19:46

Forget about the homework. Kids don't need to do homework, other than reading, until they go to secondary school. (I'm a teacher)

daftdame · 16/09/2013 19:52

Ours are made to stay in at break to do homework if they don't do it at home.

sunshinemeg · 16/09/2013 19:57

Could he have problems with spelling or hand writing making him reluctant to do the work? I'm a secondary school teacher and find this a common issue with my new year 7s who are weak writers. We discuss it all verbally, if they want to I will write their answers down and then let them use that to refer back to. We also discuss a lot with our students in general:
F - first
A - attempt
I - in
L - learning.
Basically it's ok to get things wrong as long as you are trying.

Good luck

ukatlast · 16/09/2013 20:02

Is it the writing that is the issue? At 7 years old I think you are within your rights to just call a halt. If he is so distressed over it, it is harming his education not helping.
His nervous system/ co-ordination skills may still have loads of developing to do (possibly slightly dyspraxic as others have said.

It could also be a vision thing - google behavioural optometry.

Not worth letting him become overfrustrated i.m.h.o. he has already done a full day at school.

cariadmawr · 16/09/2013 20:03

Ds1 who is 20 was like this all the way through school hated it would have done sport all day along in his defence he was no academically minded . Ds2 on the other hand ,an do but every weekend is the same du, ds1 and his girlfriend all spread Luke rats up a pipe as soon as the homework is out

cariadmawr · 16/09/2013 20:04

Sorry for typos this phone is pants !

ukatlast · 16/09/2013 20:10

Based on your other comments, I don't think his teacher should be keeping him in at breaktime. It seems like he should be being supported not punished.
Playing catch with a ball will probably help his handwriting long-term more than sitting there in tears of frustration. Another reason why his teacher shouldn't be denying him his run around at break times - is she doing this regularly.
Go and see your GP for an assessment.

Onsera3 · 16/09/2013 20:25

There maybe something that makes it seem overwhelmingly difficult to him eg dyspraxia as others have mentioned. The class teacher should be able to refer you to a member of teaching staff who could investigate.

Unless the learning outcome is to do with writing I don't see the harm in him doing the work verbally with you and you writing quick note in book.

As a teacher I agree that homework isn't necessary at this age. It's a time waster for children, parents, and teachers. Reading is all he needs to be doing and memorising times tables.

lljkk · 17/09/2013 14:41

We switched to just doing HW in one blitz session, only had the tantrums once a week. I bribed as well, but still got tantrums.

RedHelenB · 17/09/2013 14:47

Not sure if this will work but my ds does a game ( or about 5 mins) on the Wii, then a bit of homework, a game on the wii & then a bit of homework. As long as he gets it done I'm not bothered how he gets there. he has had all week at school supposedly concentrating hard!

wonderingsoul · 17/09/2013 15:06

my son is like this, but not to the extent on crying!

i feel for you.. and him.

hes being tested for dylixia, if its maths.. he'll wizz right though it, but i dread having writing home work, and he would, if left just stare at the wall or mess the work up.

silly question, but do you sit with him whilst he does it? i find this is th eonly way to get my son to do his writing homework.

also at school.. he does what another op had suggested. give him say 5 minutes of hard work, then you check it and he can have a 2 minute break. ds has this at school, but he has 15 minutes of hard work before the egg timer goes off and the teachers check its. it really has improved his work at school and given him confideance.

morethanpotatoprints · 17/09/2013 17:35

Are parents still allowed to opt out of homework for their dcs.
I'm not suggesting that everybody does this as some parents and children prefer it.
When my older 2 were at school you could do this without consequences for the child. I can remember one teacher trying to give my ds2 a detention for not doing it, every night after school for a week.
I went in and explained he didn't have time for homework and he was fine, as it was a right then.

aquashiv · 17/09/2013 17:40

Does any child happily do homework?

They are exhausted at the end of a day its the last thing they or you want to do. If he really doesn't want to do it I would tell the teacher.

cassgate · 17/09/2013 18:00

I have one of these except mine does it for everything reading, writing, maths. He hates it all. My frustration is that if he just got on with it, it would take half the time. Reading is by far the worst. It can take 25 minutes to read a chapter of his reading book from school. They are not long and a chapter is about 10 pages. Stage 10 ort. Its not that he can't read it or they are too hard because when he actually gets on with it he can do it with ease he just hates it and would rather be doing something else. He fidgets, cries says its too hard. I have had to be hard about it though especially the reading as he would do none if given the chance. If it takes 25 mins then that's what it takes and am hoping that eventually he will realise that he is the only one that is suffering because he has less time to do other things.

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