To think that senior officers in the armed forces should use state schools for their DCs

[soul2000]

I think it is wrong that many senior officers have a perk, that in effect is worth 40-50k pa in benefit in kind. There are state boarding schools, grammar schools and all types of state schools available.

Why should public sector employees, have this ludicrous benefit when there are state boarding schools, and if there was more demand more state schools could open boarding houses anyway.

I think this is a throwback to the 19th century, it is totally wrong in todays world. Today schools are having to make massive cut backs in all kind of expenditure, yet some officers DDS/DS are getting lessons in how to stage the perfect dinner party. This paid for by the struggling taxpayer who is forced to educate their DCs by comprehensive..

It is incredible, all this fuss about private schools which is seen as such an ENGLISH thing to do.

The reality is that UK is way down the list of proportion of kids who attend private school, at just under 7%. The leaders are the FRENCH, with over 15%. Canadians, around 10% and the Germans around 9%!

Who would know.

Also Calopene what relevance is it that a) she didn't work and b) that her dad and brothers went to Eton too?? What do those little snipey details have to do with anything?

Men and women in the forces are heroes and they and their families (us) deserve every break they get.

We spend months apart not knowing where they are or if/when they'll be home or if they are ok.

Our children go months and months without seeing their dad. Their dad misses massive chunks of their childhood.

If we needed to put them into school as boarders to ease some of that uncertainty and give them more stability then why begrudge us that?

Unless you want to do the job yourself?

No - thought not.

My husband is not a hero, doesn't see himself as hero. He is just a bloke doing his job.

How does Calopene know so much about another's family's affairs?

I understand the need for dc to be in boarding schools if their dm/dd are a single parent or both parents are deployed abroad but in my opinion the continuity of parenting is much more important than tge continuity of education.

Do the partners of people in the forces really choose to sometimes follow their dp abroad and leave tge dc in a boarding school?

I send my DS's to boarding school by choice. It has been the making of them. However if I had a child that didn't suit boarding I have a choice not to do it. The armed forces don't.....

And why are you sniping at the women who doesn't work and others going to Eton. Jealous perhaps??

froken unless we buy a house we have no choice but to go where the serving person is posted. Obviously for a four month tour we don't go, but something like 2 years or whatever, we have to.

Some agree with your POV Froken and prefer to set up a stable base with the service person commuting (daily, weekly, monthly in some cases or even less frequently for overseas postings). Others prefer the boarding school option but that is a whole new discussion/thread! Both have their pros and cons.

Froken are you saying you would choose to never see your husband/wife? If so why marry them if you're happy to live separate lives?

My OH doesn't see himself as a hero either but I think he is. There is no way I would do his job

oops, hit post too soon....

as does the third option of uprooting children every 2 years (possibly less, more if you are lucky...). Many people have posted on here (and elsewhere) about the traumas of frequent moves, others about the traumas of boarding school and others about the trauma of not seeing their service parent very often. I think it comes down to individual needs/circumstances and is the one thing that you cannot make a blanket judgement on.

froken believe it or not there are quite a few serving couples, not just one parent serving. Not an easy life to juggle, believe me.

"Do the partners of people in the forces really choose to sometimes follow their dp abroad and leave tge dc in a boarding school?"

Forces people also need continuity of marriage to be healthy and happy.

Prehaps sending a child to a boarding school is the lesser of several evils. Is it really such a dreadful thing to send a child to a modern boarding school. Its not as if forces children are going to Dotheboys Hall

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_Nickleby

Modern boarding schools try to be caring places and have long holidays so that the children can spend time with both parents if they are posted somewhere reasonably safe like Germany, cyprus or Northen Island. Obviously they would not visit their father if he was posted in Iraq!

Apologies, that I am absolutely clueless how the army works. I imagine that boarding school allowances are paid for very good reason.

Often when they become very senior their wives are expected to have an unpaid role attending events and entertaining visiting guests. Up to 9 events per week for the wife of a commanding officer of a regiment.

If my options were to very rarely see my dp or very rarely see my dc I would choose to be close to my dc without hesitation.

If so why marry them if you're happy to live separate lives? I would ask the same question about a child, why choose to bring them into the world if you are going to live a separate life to them?

Which many hate,my mother did- and it's expensive.

Soul I answered your question about state school boarding on the other thread and reasons why military families might choose not to send their DCs to one.
You seem obsessed with posh school teaching how to put on a dinner party. I believe you are correct Downe House does run the Pru Leith course. It is an incredibly large additonal cost (£2000 + maybe by now) to the parents so not affected in any way by the Boarding allowance (CEA) and FYI it is very limited in numbers so the majority do not take it.

It's very difficult to have it all in the forces.

We argue massively before and after separation.

We are always loving to our children.

They see us argue and that's shit.

Sooooo service people should't have children now.

haven't read the whole thread but there were a number of girls at my school who had fathers in the forces, mainly majors (though there was one general's daughter!), don't recall any of us being taught about table settings my mum did that or flower arranging not that though.

Can't imagine how horrible growing up knowing your dad might be killed any day (Falklands War happened when I was at school, plus of course soldiers in Northern Ireland). Don't begrudge it at all, I would have ahted to have boarded.

hated, tch!

Soul

What does it actually have to do with you anyway?

We are not entitled to CEA as we have chosen to buy our own house and live in it. I work FT in a professional role and have done for 18 years of marriage - despite 13 moves in 15 years, including overseas.

DD attends a local primary. If we wish to send her to good State Boarding School in the future we would not have priority for Admission as we are not in receipt of CEA and never will be.

Is that fair? We are still privy to operational tours and all the other pressures of Forces Life.

Talking of life, you really need to get one.