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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my friends may replied by now?

27 replies

CrapBag · 15/09/2013 15:16

We usually go out for a meal before Christmas and as its that time of year, these things do need to be booked a while in advance. It is always down to me to organise group things as well although I do get annoyed that I usually have to do a fair bit of chasing and reminding when I don't feel I should, but I end up doing it anyway (everyone is always grateful to me for doing it, it isn't a case of me hassling them).

I texted (our usual method of communication) around on Friday to see if people would be interested in doing a meal out this year and I am happy to organise it if people want to go (generally people want to come along but no one wants to do the organising).

I have had 1 response (a yes) but that's it. Not even anyone saying "sorry not up for it this year" or anything like that. They would have no problem saying this if this was the case and it wouldn't bother me either but SOME sort of reply would be a decent thing to do. These are not casual acquaintances either, but my group of closest friends.

I sent the same thing to a group of school mums to see if they would also be up for it as a way of getting to know each other better (not the same time as my friends, but a separate time) and I got all but 1 response straight away.

I don't understand why my closest friends don't have the courtesy to reply, but a group of women who chat briefly before and after school, all reply. I know them, if they haven't replied by now, then they won't be as they all seem to 'forget' or do the "oh yeah, you know what I'm like" thing because they are sooo scatty and disorganised.

I admit this continued attitude does piss me off a bit. It doesn't take 10 seconds to send a quick response of "yes count me in" or "sorry can't make it this year". I just find it a bit rude really. AIBU?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 15/09/2013 15:21

Yanbu.

I'd call one of them at this point and ask them straight out.

TidyDancer · 15/09/2013 15:24

I would chase up, but tbh if someone asked me that question in September, I would have no idea and therefore couldn't respond with a yes or no. Perhaps this is the case with your friends?

Nat38 · 15/09/2013 15:29

YANBU!!
I have brought up the subject at work & we are all going to bring in menus from places we could possibly fancy going so we can decide on where to go & get it booked!!
Christmas do`s, do need to get booked early so you can go where you want to go!!

Original poster
CrapBag · 15/09/2013 15:32

I don't think that is the case Tidy as the school mums seem to know when their work nights out are so we are working around that. Plus last year we had to book around October because restaurants get booked really early when its Christmas.

At this point it was a general "are you up for it this year" text, just so I know whether to bother or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrapBag · 15/09/2013 15:33

I considered a PA text of "oh my these seems to be a problem with my phone because I haven't received any texts" Wink

I won't do this though, however much I feel like it. Smile

OP posts:
TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 15:37

I'd give them a call and ask them. If they still can't answer you on the phone then that would be the last I'd be doing with the chasing. It would be up to them to make arrangements for themselves and I'd go ahead and book for however many have already confirmed.

squeakytoy · 15/09/2013 15:38

Maybe they need to get into work on monday or check with partners etc to see if the date is convenient before they say yes or no...

Original poster
CrapBag · 15/09/2013 15:43

Squeaky they would usually say that they have to check on x, y or z. I wasn't asking for an exact time and date. I was a general "do you want to do it again this year" definitely a message that requires an answer with no firm commitment yet.

Maybe its just me, I always reply to a message. I find it rude not to, especially when its a close friend or family.

OP posts:
TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 15:47

Have to admit, I'm one who hates waiting on text replies too - especially when I tend to text straight back. I find myself getting more and more annoyed the longer it goes and end up picking up the phone in the end.

sweetiepie1979 · 15/09/2013 15:48

I say yrbu it's September! if I got this text I'd ignore it too because I wouldn't have a clue at this point weather I could make it or not. Stop organising, it let them come to you. Book it for you and friend or forget it.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 15/09/2013 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 15/09/2013 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elcranko · 15/09/2013 16:51

YANBU. I hate waiting for text replies, it takes all of a few seconds to type 'yes sounds good' or whatever. To keep the sender waiting is rude IMO.

Retroformica · 15/09/2013 17:01

Well you asked Friday and its only Sunday now so it's still early days. I think it's quite demanding to expect a reply straight away.

Can you word your texts differently 'please let me know by Tuesday if you want to come and I will book a table for those who are in. Book the table wednesday. Anyone who texts late, give them the restaurant number/table name and ask them to ring and add their name to the numbers'

Pinupgirl · 15/09/2013 17:02

Yanbu op.I am.the one who does the organising of the xmas night out in my group of friends and it drives me mental.Last year 2 people dropped out at v last minute-ie on the day and didnt even have the courtesy to tell me. This year I wont be doing the organising so there will probably be no night out.

Retroformica · 15/09/2013 17:04

It's not an ignored text. A few days is a normal response time.

Retroformica · 15/09/2013 17:07

Maybe your text was a bit vague too. It might have been better to suggest a couple of dates/times/places?

Journey · 15/09/2013 17:07

I agree with retroformica. I think it's quite demanding to expect a reply so soon.

TheGoodAunt · 15/09/2013 17:27

How big is this group of friends and do you see most of them quite regularly, CrapBag?

If it's not too big a group and if you are likely to bump into most of them, one way or another, over the next couple of weeks, then perhaps it would be a good idea to wait until you see them to chat about it (unless you got replies to your texts, before then).
I can understand your frustration in waiting for replies, but as others have said, it is only a couple of days. If you wait until you've had a chance to chat to whichever of these friends you see in the next couple of weeks, it will give you a chance to get an immediate answer as you discuss the matter and it'll give them a chance to have a bit of input into the plan. And it will still only be September!

DeWe · 15/09/2013 18:27

You sent it on Friday? Last Friday? And you expect an answer straight away?
I'd probably wait until Monday morning when I saw you at the school gates and speak to you then. Not really huge rush in Spetember is it?

Original poster
CrapBag · 15/09/2013 19:20

I am guessing that the people who say its still September haven't tried to arrange something for December before? You need to book up now, especially for a restaurant. These places get booked up quickly for Christmas so this is exactly the right time to find out if people are interested in going out.

DeWe I did state that these are my good friends, not the school mums. Our children do not go to the same school so I will not be seeing them at the school gates. The school mums are the ones who all replied, straight away. I did expect better from my close friends.

TheGoodAunt I am only likely to see 1 maybe 2 of them now. Now our kids are all going to school, one has gone back to work, one has increased her working hours because her youngest is starting school, our time together is going to be limited so I am unlikely to actually see them for a while now. There is only 1 that I will definitely see.

Retro I did actually suggest the place that we went to last year, it wasn't entirely vague and I don't think a few days is a normal response time. I know what they are like, if they haven't done it straight away, or within a day, they will just forget all about it until I remind them, and I don't see that I should have to keep reminding people.

Pinup I think I may stop doing it as well. I did promise myself I wouldn't bother again but I know it won't happen and we do always have a good time.

I am surprised that so many people think its ok to keep a friend hanging on like this and not give the decency of a reply to a question. I think that 2 days is plenty of time, plus like I said, if they haven't replied by now, they will trot out the usual like of "oh sorry, I forgot, you know what I am like" Its the same old thing every time actually.

I may give it a few more days then book a table for 2 for me and the friend that did reply. Grin (I probably won't do this).

OP posts:
looselegs · 15/09/2013 21:50

I've been in the same position as you,and I vowed to never do it again-and I haven't.And the annoying part is that no-one else has bothered organising anything.
Last year I organised 3 different nights out for 3 different groups i attended.It was a bloody nightmare and I will never do it again.Getting definite replies was a nightmare.Getting deposits off people was a nightmare-some deposits I paid as some people had said they were coming but hadn't paid.They ended up not coming so I had to sort all that out!Finding a venue was a nightmare-one group had 36 people (supposedly) coming so some places couldn't accommodate us. Then the venues all wanted people to choose their meals upfront-that was the biggest pain in the arse ever! I then had to drive from venue to venue to hand in the menu choices.....
And the thing that annoyed me the most was that not one of them said Thanks for organizing it......
I wouldn't chase after those that haven't replied-in fact I would pull out of organizing it altogether and let someone else do it......although I bet no-one offers........

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 21:53

Did we not have this very same thread last year, this time of year, CrapBag??

daisychain01 · 15/09/2013 22:57

Sounds like it's the age old problem of "familiarity breeds contempt" ie the people you don't know so well are polite enough to reply and your older friends are not so diligent! Or could they be checking work calendars, home commitments with DPs etc and need more than 2 days?

But YANBU to expect a quick holding text to say i am checking and will get back to you next week.

Having said that I have only just replied back to a friend after 4 days re a dinner date we are arranging. I feel ashamed now, after reading that you feel upset by the delay. Blush

I kept thinking all weekend that I must sent a quick text, but ended up sending an email after checking my diary. Weekends just go by far too quickly!

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/09/2013 23:07

Maybe it's an age thing but people of my age (24, just, and younger) don't see texts as intrusive. Indeed it is the way many of me and my friends communicate for months on end.

Any text that has a question involved requires an answer. Even if it's "I don't know just yet"

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