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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 11 yr old to have a bit of willpower...

41 replies

lollylaughs · 15/09/2013 13:12

Yesterday morning I woke up slightly after dd and when I walked into the kitchen to put on the kettle I noticed there was half a glass of coke poured. I asked her if she poured it, she said yes and when I asked why, she said she felt like some. It was 7am so I told her off, there is juice, milk and water there if she was thirsty. Later in the day I noticed that she must have also eaten a half a bag of one of the bigger crisp packets that was there the from the night before.

Then this morning, I walk into lounge and there she is eating the sweets that we had left over in a tub on the table from last night. I had such a go at her as their is a cupboard full of cereal, she can make toast et , but no , she was eating crap again! So I had a sit down with her and she knows she shouldn't be eating sweet things first thing. When I asked her why she is her reply was 'because they were there'!

I really think that an 11 year old shouldn't have to be told this or Aibu? She isn't overweight, but isn't skinny either. We have a family history of severe obsesity so this is something that is always at the back of my mind. We eat well, and so does she, she will take a salad to school for lunch and eat fruit, but it's this uncontrollable urge for her to eat sweets and crisps if they are there.

I didn't focus on the weight side of things when I spoke to her this morning, more health and this is her one body which she needs to take care of.

I don't have a sweet tooth so am I being unreasonably harsh?

OP posts:
TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 15/09/2013 13:15

You are being harsh, If you don't want her to eat these things then don't leave them lying around for her to have.

She is a child.

MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 13:15

Stop buying junk. If she wants it, she will have to ask for.money to go to the shops.

Dd always gets a biscuit at nans house. She knows not to ask here, as we dont keep biscuits.

GertBySea · 15/09/2013 13:17

YABU. Why do you have all this rubbish in the house?

burberryqueen · 15/09/2013 13:20

I am not surprised you have a family history of severe obesity if you have sweets crisps and coke all lying around to be scoffed up.

Fairenuff · 15/09/2013 13:22

Plenty of adults can't exercise willpower. Telling her off will only make her feel worse and could lead to more comfort eating.

Get the stuff out of your house. Make time for sweet treats but also do other non-food related stuff with her, especially as treats.

Also, it's unfair to expect her to know if you haven't had a chat about what she is allowed to have for breakfast, etc. Remember, you are helping her to set up her eating habits for life, so don't make it an issue, just try to teach her the same way as you help her learn to read or swim, with lots of encouragement and praise.

StuntGirl · 15/09/2013 13:22

YABU. She's 11.

Original poster
lollylaughs · 15/09/2013 13:25

Thanks for comments. It's just what we happened to have, dh and I like a jd and coke sometimes, hence the coke and the crisps were from a BBQ we had that someone left. I bought the sweets though and we had opened the packet while watching a movie last night. I don't normally buy lots of rubbish, but then again I dont want to ban it completely either as that causes its own issues. I rather buy a slab of chocolate and we all share.

She is such a sensible child, maybe I just expecting too much from her in this instance.

OP posts:
CatAmongThePigeons · 15/09/2013 13:27

Why leave it lying about for her to have?

MissMarplesBloomers · 15/09/2013 13:27

Save money & calories by not having any of that around.

Big bowl of fruit to snack on & lots of different non sugar coated cereals to fill up on.

We have a family history of obesity & DDs have GPs on both sides with diabetes so am careful.

Yes she's 11 but still a child who needs support in making healthy snack choices.

defineme · 15/09/2013 13:29

I would find it hard to resist and I'm 39. Perhaps you need a rule that one cupboard is the treat cupboard and you're not allowed in there without permission?

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 13:29

Why do you feed your family sweets and crisps, and leave it laying around the house if you have a family history of obesity!?

lljkk · 15/09/2013 13:29

News Flash!! Preteens and teens often binge on junk food given half a chance.

Did you really not know that, OP?

AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou · 15/09/2013 13:30

if there is sweets and pop within reach ofcourse she is going to choose them over cereal milk or waterConfused

she's 11 YABU

Original poster
lollylaughs · 15/09/2013 13:31

Burberry, the extended family there is history of obesity. We dont leave rubbish lying around, it was just an occasion that the stuff was here and she couldn't resist the urge to have it,

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 13:33

So one instance of her overindulging and you start a thread sayibg she has no.willpower?

burberryqueen · 15/09/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
lollylaughs · 15/09/2013 13:34

Ok I see I Aibu.

OP posts:
PresidentServalan · 15/09/2013 13:35

Don't buy all the crap then! It isn't fair to leave it lying around then complain when she eats it!

McNewPants2013 · 15/09/2013 13:36

Cereals are also very high in sugar, Rice Krispies for example has 9g of sugar

Also orange juice has a lot of sugar, 26.3g which is 29% of the RDA coke has 26.5 based on 250ml

So Rice Krispies with orange juice has 35g of sugar

storytopper · 15/09/2013 13:38

You seemed to have changed all the rules yesterday by having all this stuff lying around and easily available. Seems like you changed the rules back today in your own head but you didn't tell her or clear the stuff away. YABU.

Rollermum · 15/09/2013 13:38

I can understand your concerns but would really recommend not making a thing of it. My parents comments about my size led to dieting age 14 and years of yoyo dieting and ultimately having food issues and obesity. And i was perfectly fine in termsof size. Even if you are mentioning the health angle she may hear it as body criticism.

I agree with other posters about helping make good choices but I'd do it as softly as possible.

Lawtelpus · 15/09/2013 13:40

I think that accusing her of having no willpower after eating a few sweets, some crisps and half a glass of coke is unfair.

If you lay down the rule that everyone has cereal/toast/milk/juice/water etc. for breakfast, then she'll know that that is what she should do.

On the other hand, all eleven year olds enjoy sweets and crisps and it's not a crime to eat any of these things in moderation. It doesn't sound like an all-out binge, just an eleven year old doing what eleven year olds do when faced with sweets and crisps.

I would also be careful about making her feel guilty about it - this is where secret eating and feeling ashamed of eating 'treat' foods come from.

YABU.

limitedperiodonly · 15/09/2013 13:41

She obviously has some willpower because she ate only half the crisps and half a glass of Coke. I wouldn't call that an uncontrollable urge

CoffeeTea103 · 15/09/2013 13:45

You need to stop buying the junk as she is only 11 and may not have the willpower you think she should.
She is developing very bad eating habits so you should speak to her about that

cory · 15/09/2013 14:29

Coke and sweets consumed at 7 am isn't actually going to make you more obese than coke and sweets consumed in front of the telly at 10 o'clock at night. If she showed a lack of willpower by having it in the morning, I would judge it pretty well exactly the same as the lack of willpower evinced by yourself or your dh by having it at night. If you are going to have special rules as to who gets to eat what when, then those rules need to be clearly defined.

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