To expect my 11 yr old to have a bit of willpower...

[lollylaughs]

Yesterday morning I woke up slightly after dd and when I walked into the kitchen to put on the kettle I noticed there was half a glass of coke poured. I asked her if she poured it, she said yes and when I asked why, she said she felt like some. It was 7am so I told her off, there is juice, milk and water there if she was thirsty. Later in the day I noticed that she must have also eaten a half a bag of one of the bigger crisp packets that was there the from the night before.

Then this morning, I walk into lounge and there she is eating the sweets that we had left over in a tub on the table from last night. I had such a go at her as their is a cupboard full of cereal, she can make toast et , but no , she was eating crap again! So I had a sit down with her and she knows she shouldn't be eating sweet things first thing. When I asked her why she is her reply was 'because they were there'!

I really think that an 11 year old shouldn't have to be told this or Aibu? She isn't overweight, but isn't skinny either. We have a family history of severe obsesity so this is something that is always at the back of my mind. We eat well, and so does she, she will take a salad to school for lunch and eat fruit, but it's this uncontrollable urge for her to eat sweets and crisps if they are there.

I didn't focus on the weight side of things when I spoke to her this morning, more health and this is her one body which she needs to take care of.

I don't have a sweet tooth so am I being unreasonably harsh?

DD2 is a bit of a horror for taking sweat stuff, she's also the one most likely to eat fruit.

She's as skinny as a rake and most certainly does have will power if she chooses to use it. She is also at an age where she enjoys a bit of independence.

I'm inclined not to say anything unless she's very silly.

This could be my dd 11, when we had some treats in the summer. The same - breakfast chocolate cake and coke [horror]. They are obviously testing the boundaries at this age as I never had it before. I've just had the gentle sensible nutritional talk as my dd is slim and am having to find new hiding places for my goodies. She missed out later on when the biscuits came out as well.

She had half a packet of crisps and half a coke?

That sounds like a moderate amount, no one has ever become fat from a single coke and bag of crisps! There is room for this stuff in a balanced diet. If she has it at 7am or 5pm, it really doesn't matter. If you're so against it, don't have it in the house.

Both me and DD are slim. We have crisps, we have pop, we have chocolate. We also have lots of fruit and veg. A single bag of crisps is NOT going to make you fat.

Your reaction is likely to have caused a hell of a lot more problems than just ignoring it would have. You're setting her up for food issues big style.

My 11yo DD could easily polish off a big bag of Doritos by herself, along with most of a big bag of sweets.
I find it funny so many replies about weight; I'm much more worried about the state of DD's teeth. And palate, if you're used to loads of junk food then ordinary food just isn't appetising any more, so it turns into a vicious circle.

You are definitely being v unreasonable I'm afraid! You can't blame the poor girl for helping herself to a moderate amount of crisps and coke! And the sweets were just lying there! She's a child not a saint! Give the poor girl a break.

She's 11. Why wouldn't she do this, if it's sat out looking at her?

Put it away when you go to bed, then the temptation's gone.

Yabu. I don't think it's healthy to start scolding her over eating habits. Don't have it in the house if you don't want it eaten. Or suggest certain times when snacks can be had etc.

How many adults eat the "healthy" option when there are delicious junk food alternatives available? 11 yr olds don't do willpower, or patience, or logic That's why they have parents...

I completely disagree with those saying don't have this in the house ever. How are your children going to cope when confronted with £3 and sweets/chocolate bars at the school canteen, or when they have pocket money and go past a sweet shop, or when they leave home? I can tell you that when I was given these opportunities having eaten nothing but wholemeal bread, yogurt and bean sprouts, I went crazy! I ate a Flake and a Mars bar instead of lunch for about two years at secondary school.

I think it's much better to explain why these aren't great choices. I wouldn't go on about it, just chalk it up to experience, but reiterate to her about eating a healthy (protein, carbs, veggies) lunch or tea, and a solid breakfast before having a sweet but ultimately empty treat. And remember you ate the sweets and had the coke yesterday, she had it today. One is not more virtuous than the other and if she's that desperate for the forbidden fruit right now, then this doesn't bode well for her self-control once out of your sight. Mine know they don't go into the sweet/biscuit cupboard until they've had their proper meal, and in general don't. But everyone pigs a little sometime, don't overreact.

Mumsyblouse I'm so glad you said that! I agree OP YANBU. My 5 year old manages to resist the temptation to help himself to crisps and sweets. They are often in the house, and he is allowed them. He just knows he has to ask first and its not allowed all the time.

If she knew it was not allowed to eat this stuff for breakfast and she still did it then yanbu. It's a rule like any other and she's 11 not 3.

My dd would have done the same though. We rarely have this sort of food in the house but if we do it plays on her mind and she pesters until it's all gone.

I'm not sure about this, my dd (10) wakes up early at the weekends & always waits for cooked breakfast. She would never go in the cupboard & help herself & we never leave food out when we go to bed. Both DD's have water at bedtime, so will drink that if thirsty, rather than poke around on the fridge.

I think rather than blaming Dd, might be width looking at the family's breakfast habits ?

YABU and a bit harsh.

We have fizzy drinks in the house, 'cos DS is allowed them at weekends, same sort of things with crisps.

It would never have crossed his mind, in a million years, that it was OK to have either of them for breakfast - or at any other time without checking with me first; and at 14 it still wouldn't. In fact, he wouldn't even check because he would know that it would be a big NO! Where has she got the idea that this is even remotely OK?

And yes, my judgy pants are hoicked up so high I've taken my own breathe away...

I think the issue here is OP is expecting her daughter to have willpower, without explicitly being told she can't have that stuff in the morning. I don't think she's saying her daughter has been disobedient, just that OP is disappointed she chose those things.

I wouldn't worry about this too much. Most normal kids will eat sweets and other rubbish if it's left lying around and there's nobody to see them. Chuck it out next time rather than keeping the leftovers.

Sugar and salty crisps are very more-ish, not to say mildly addictive; she is not unusual in not being able to leave them alone if she knows they are there. That's why so many posters are advising against keeping them in the house. We had Friday night as treats night so they got their chocolate then without any big drama. Actually, we still do. And there is never any left over :)