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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send ds with a packed lunch and not care what school say?

42 replies

Pandorassox · 15/09/2013 12:13

At ds school you can only take packed lunch for a whole week or have a school lunch for a whole week.
There are some days in which ds (age 4) will not eat any of the options e.g Bombay curry with basmati rice or the vegetarian option of ratatouille and cous cous.
He does however love the rest of the week and there are plenty options to choose from.
So am I being unreasonable to go against the rules and send him with a packed lunch on the day where he won't eat anything?

OP posts:

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 12:22

Presumably you'll have to pay for the day's hot meal anyway. I assume the rule is for planning/costs as it's easier to cook for a known number of children.

Talk to the teacher. It won't be the first time she's been asked. Be ready for her to suggest that it's a good way for him to expand his culinary horizons

LindyHemming · 15/09/2013 12:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 15/09/2013 12:22

Does he genuinely not like the options given, or is it just that they are unfamiliar/tricky to eat/ mixed together etc?

LindyHemming · 15/09/2013 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 15/09/2013 12:33

The trouble is, the more flexibility you allow, the more chopping and changing of minds goes on. So the kitchen plan ahead (and there are zero margins for their flexibility financially) and then numerous people pop in to the office and say "oh, little Jimmy's changed his mind, can he have a school lunch after all?" and it all collapses.
In our school, you commit to a half term of one or the other, end of story. No lunch can be ordered until payment has been made, and even staff can't have one unless they've signed up before 9.10am.

Almostfifty · 15/09/2013 12:44

Our school manage 1400 children that can decide each day whether they want a school lunch or not.

The associated Primary has less than 200 and does the same.

It's all down to whether the staff can be bothered or not.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 15/09/2013 12:49

Why would you make more work for yourself and school? Surely if your child is hungry, they'll eat. Those options sound good and healthy.

Why wouldn't you want him to expand culinary horizons?

It do you want him to learn that everyone will go to lots of trouble to make different food for him if he just doesn't fancy what's already been provided?

Good luck with that strategy long-term!

Vivacia · 15/09/2013 12:53

I generally presume schools have rules and procedures for a reason, because they are dealing with the needs and wants of a lot of children, not just a family-size amount.

The responsible, helpful options are to talk to the school, explain your reasoning for questioning one of their procedures and hear their side. The second option is to move your child to a different school, one more in line with your beliefs and values.

Deciding to break a rule because you don't like it is not reasonable.

clam · 15/09/2013 12:54

almostfifty No it's not, it's down to the operating policy of the catering company who's contracted to provide meals. Our office staff could well do without the hassle of having to implement their draconian rules. But it comes down to money. If people chop and change, they say it leads to wasted meals.

defineme · 15/09/2013 12:55

If you pay for meal too, then I fail to see what the problem would be. Although my kids discovered they liked more stuff on those kind of days.

applebread · 15/09/2013 13:01

Tbh I think it's not the end of the world when my kids tell me there's nothing they like on the menu and I tell them they'll have an opportunity to try out something new. I expect they'll hate me for it :)

Almostfifty · 15/09/2013 13:07

Oh right. Ours is still council run. Let's hope it stays that way.

lljkk · 15/09/2013 13:10

why pay for lunch he won't eat? I think I'd just stick to packed lunches every day.

(I agree School should change practice, but if they won't...)

ilovepowerhoop · 15/09/2013 13:11

we have 2 schools on one site and can still choose day to day whether to have a school dinner or packed lunch. Dd has a school meal 3 days a week but ds usually has a packed lunch.

Fairenuff · 15/09/2013 13:14

He does however love the rest of the week and there are plenty options to choose from

Why are there plenty of options on the other days but just two on this particular day?

judgejudithjudy · 15/09/2013 18:11

yabu - follow the schools rules or move schools
why should they bend the rules (however silly you think they are) just for you precious dc?! people like you do annoy me thinking your dc are exempt from.rules. either do pack lunches, school dinners or pay for school dinners & send him in with a lunchbox on the days you say he doesnt like the hot meals.

maybe someone should post this link to the other idiot parent who doesnt think packed lunches should be offered at schools?!

when will schools ever win?!

ilovepowerhoop · 15/09/2013 18:46

a bit touchy there!

OddBoots · 15/09/2013 18:52

As long as you pay for the meal then I'm sure they'll be fine with that for a little while but I've found with my dc that they have become a lot less fussy about their food as they have had to try these kinds of things. As a non-curry eater I know how socially limiting it can be so I wanted my children develop wider tastes than me.

IsThatTrue · 15/09/2013 18:57

Am I a mean horrible mother who for my own selfish reasons makes the kids have hot dinners everyday wether they like what's on offer or not?

Although its true, if they're hungry they'll eat.

judgejudithjudy · 15/09/2013 19:16

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Pandorassox · 16/09/2013 11:05

This reply has been deleted

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BrokenSunglasses · 16/09/2013 11:13

If you're happy to pay for the meal that your ds isn't going to eat, then YANBU. I'd warn the teacher what you are doing though, so that your ds doesn't get sent to the wrong place or end up with confusion.

Fakebook · 16/09/2013 11:27

We have this rule too, but there seems to be a wide range of options for dd to choose from everyday. We have to pay in advance for lunches and I'm too stingy to "lose" £76 by sending in packed lunches some Days. If you can afford to lose out then I'd just send in your own lunch on those days.

thistlelicker · 16/09/2013 11:33

Can't u just send him with packed lunch every day? Then it will save u messing? And the school? What will u do if the school aren't flexible with your request? Send them anyway? I'm sure they have overheads and budgets to manage just like parents so I think I but of give and take is needed

WeAreEternal · 16/09/2013 11:34

At DS's school you decide at the beginning of the week what the will be having for lunch.

Each child has a 'lunch pouch' which you put a note in saying MONDAY TUESDAY etc, and whether they are having school meals, packed lunch, or home lunch for each day, and if they are having a SL which of the three options they would like.
You also put in any money for any SL they are having.

If you want to make a change, say DS was going to have a school lunch on Wednesday but now wants a packed lunch, you have to go to the office to make the change.
They prefer this to be done at least a day before, but they don't complain if you do it on the day.

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