To expect SAHD DH to do more now that both dc are in school

[lecce]

I am just wondering what is UR here and want to see what others think and do.

There are two dc, 6 & 4, both now in f/t school. Dh has always done the laundry, cooked pretty much all meals (from scratch), done nearly all dog walking, changed our bed (but not dc's), done other general cleaning and gardening. He also does DIY when needed and takes care of financial stuff and anything to do with the car, though I am its main driver.

I get up at 5am to be in work for 6.30, 2 hours before school starts, and am usually home by 5-5.30, except for meeting nights etc. Sun- Thurs I usually do 1-2 hours' work after the dc are in bed. I put the dc to bed (though dh does ds2's story) and do the dog's final walk. I sweep the sitting room floor after the dc are in bed. At weekends I tidy and clean the dc's bedrooms and do the bathrooms - dh sometimes does these but tends to do stuff like mopping the floor without sweeping properly first, so it looks really crummy.

I am now starting to resent having to do anything other than childcare, tbh. There are lots of things that, although dh does them, he doesn't do thoroughly and the house just looks a bit mucky - though all essential stuff is done.

In case I am later accused of drip-feeding, Dh has MS but he is fine atm. If unwell, none of this would apply, obviously. He also does some online marking of exams at home, but only at certain times of year. I expect to do more when he is doing this, of course.

WIBU to speak to him about this?

Yes I think Yabu I'm afraid. I'm a sahm with one at school and one doing her 15 hours at nursery. If I were to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening, errands, DIY etc etc I wouldn't have time to do anything else. I would also be Fucking miserable!

He sounds like he is putting the work in tbh. If his health permits - and ifhe wants to, maybe he could get a part-time job (is supply teaching an option?) to pay for a cleaner to do a 'thorough bottoming' once a week?

I think if they are at school during the day he ought to get all the housework done then.

But you have to not moan about how he hasnt done it well enough. Otherwise you are like an 1950s daddy coming home and complaining that his shirt hasnt been washed whiter than white....

My house is generally regarded by my friends as clean and very tidy. I wouldn't clean the kids' rooms every weekend.

Maybe you should have a talk. We have just had one (after 20 years together) and agreed what DH will do and that I won't nag about things that are important to me but less important to him. He is out from 7.30 to 7.00 (which is a different issue!) and I work 17hrs pw.

He does the bins on bin night, the washing up every evening and he plans and cooks one meal at the weekend. He puts laundry away (and folds it) if it is there to be done, likewise the dishwasher, but i do the majority he irons his own work shirts. Ignoring gardening and DIY which is split, I do everything else - laundry, shopping, cooking, tidying, cleaning. We have a cleaner 2hrs pw.

it seems to be working ok. I am the only one who sees mess, finds things, knows where the kids need to be, and is able to carry an item from the bottom of the stairs to the top. But it's easier knowing what the deal is.